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hjx500

今天早上才写的，LZ你以后能提前点发下一篇作文题目么？
因为我晚上都要打工，回来太晚了而且太累一般就睡觉了。而且我在澳洲，有3个小时时差。。。。 多谢~~~~

Some people say that developing should firstly expand tourism. To what extent do you agree or disagree?



Governments from impoverished countries are usually enthusiastic about how to boost economical development. Some people believe that expanding tourism will be the right choice at the beginning. In my opinion, tourist, indeed, will bring huge merits, but its risk cannot be overlooked as well.

Generally, development in tourism will influence local people in many good aspects. First of all, comparing to other investments, developing tourism is a good bargain. It is a common situation that a relatively small amount of money invested in tourism would be able to bring remarkable profit. Moreover, tourists not only bring money, but also help locals to accept new culture and knowledge. Local people must show their hospitality and understanding to visitors in order to get their trust, which force them to learn other cultures. At last, other industries will also benefit from the progress of tourism. For example, new hotels and restaurants will be founded to meet the increasing needs, creating a great deal of employment opportunities as well.

However, expanding tourism might not be suitable for every place. Usually a place with nice natural or cultural resources will be more attractive to tourists. On the other hand, investment in developing tourism at a ordinary and unremarkable place may not be paid off. Besides, the inundation of tourists poses threat to local environment. A famous resort could suffer irreversible damage because of too many visitors, and after that very few people would visit as its reputation has falled.

In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop tourism in places with special natural or cultural resources. Meanwhile, the possible drawbacks must also be considered.

浮云云艾米莉

原帖由 shan8006 于 7-1-2011 21:44 发表

                               
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这篇文章花了我四个多小时，其中穿插着很多事情，又接孩子，又烧了一顿饭。写着写着原本清晰地思路也开始混乱。最后总体看了一下，感觉好像开头还行，后面逻辑不太合理。
The twentieth essay

Some people say t ...

改后版：

Countries on this planet are developing rapidly because of the world peace in this day and age. As tourism has brought a vast number of profits to some countries, some people start to argue whether give the priority to tourism when a country is developing. (I like this opening paragraph. )

As a matter of fact, developing tourism firstly would really benefit a nation in various areas. First and foremost, a nation or a city often becomes better-known around the world for its gorgeous tourist attractions, as many foreigners remember Beijing for the Great Wall, Sydney for the Opera House, etc.  In consequence, there are large numbers of foreign investments being attracted thereby boosting domestic economic progress. Subsequently, those foreign investments could be used to develop other aspects of national development. Thailand and Indonesia are the best examples to confirm this point. They have benefited from tourism enormously. But, on the other hand, it seems that they are just famous for their natural sceneries.
However, prioritizing tourism development is meanwhile accompanied by some negative effects. Firstly, the native culture would be impacted by the prosperity in tourism. Visitors/Travelers (这里是因为tourists这个词出现频率过高) from foreign countries will bring not only huge economic profits but also diversified culture which might erode domestic culture. Furthermore, numerous tourists would cause some environmental problems and bring up the crime rate. Too many people could overcrowd the place and overburden the traffic. Because of these correlated factors, a developing country will not have enough capabilities to control the situation when it only develops its tourism at first. In the course of time, not only will it lose its main cultural identity, but its economic and social stability as well.

Summarily, in my opinion, the development of tourism is important to nations, but prioritizing nothing but tourism might result in a severe consequence —— countries could end up earning huge profits, sacrificing their own cultural identities, and much more.
点评几点：
1.        进步很大。
2.        很喜欢用would吧，但是would不能乱用。将来的事情用will + 动词原形。表示可能发生的不好的事情用could + 动词原形。一般一篇文章里基本用不到几个would
3.        写到后来即使觉得逻辑有点不合理，也是可以补救的。比如你说了很多crime啊traffic啊不包括在cultural identity的事情，那就直接加上个social stability就是了 = = 或者想不到这个单词，就像我结尾一样，抒情一下，加个much more就是了 = =

浮云云艾米莉

原帖由 hjx500 于 8-1-2011 13:51 发表

                               
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今天早上才写的，LZ你以后能提前点发下一篇作文题目么？
因为我晚上都要打工，回来太晚了而且太累一般就睡觉了。而且我在澳洲，有3个小时时差。。。。 多谢~~~~

Some people say that developing should f ...

蜜蜂同学的改后版：

Governments of developing countries are usually enthusiastic about boosting economic development. Some people believe that expanding tourism will be the right choice at the beginning. In my opinion, tourists, indeed, will bring huge economic returns, but its risks cannot be overlooked either.

Generally, development in tourism will influence local people in many aspects. First of all, compared with other investments, tourism development is a good bargain. It is a common situation that a relatively small amount of money invested in tourism would be able to retrieve remarkable profit. Moreover, tourists not only contribute financially, but also help locals to accept new culture and knowledge. Local people need to show their hospitality and understanding to visitors in order to gain their trust, which encourage them to learn other cultures. At last, industries other than tourism will also benefit along with the progress. For example, new hotels and restaurants will be built up to meet the increasing needs, creating a great deal of employment opportunities as well.

However, expanding tourism might not be suitable for every country. Usually, a place with abundant natural and cultural resources will be more attractive to tourists. On the other hand, investment placed in developing tourism at an ordinary and unremarkable place may not be paid off. Besides, the inundation of tourists poses threat to local environment, making sites vanish in some extreme cases. A famous resort could suffer irreversible damage, reputation-wise and physically, as a result of having too many visitors.

In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop tourism in places with special natural and cultural resources. Meanwhile, the potential drawbacks must also be considered.

点评：
1.        写挺好的。
2.        Comparing to ***, I/we think … 因为是人主观去比较的 Compared with **, *** … 是两个互相比较的东西
3.        Small amount of money总觉得可以有更好的表达，但是困了想不出来 = =

shan8006

今早做完夜班回来，555，老婆就。。。送医院打点滴，如今的医院排队都得排死人啊。可怜我一宿没睡。等会还要上个个夜班。
明早还要陪老婆打点滴，作文要下午，甚至晚上才写。蜜蜂兄，不好意思不知道你的情况，我把明天和后天的topic都写上。
明天的：
Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence, this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

后天的：
Lectures in the past were used as a way of teaching large number of students. but nowadays the development of technology, we do not use lectures. do you agree?

3WU

闪动 和 蜜蜂，

说一点感受，不知道别人是否认同，你们互相学习，互相修改，这个非常好， 但看了最近2个topic, 我觉得 你们的写作结构相相走偏了。
比如 topic: "Some people say that developing should firstly expand tourism. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
闪动审题更贴近。 可是， 第一段第一句根本就是与题目毫无关联的 “废话”，请删除。 第一段， 我没有看到点题：“To what extent do you agree or disagree?” 也看不到你的文章大中心。
主体段落中心句不突出， 我通常更愿意在在段落第一二句寻找段落中心， 最后一句寻找归纳句。 模凌两可的 表示好 、不好 的语句不能作为中心句。中心句要落实到具体点子上。

比如，旅游业能拖动发展中国家的整体经济发展。
            文化遗产会被旅游人士所带来的异地文化所冲击。
然后， 各段由浅入深地层层展开解释， 枚举例子，最后提出归纳句：
         旅游业能刺激经济发展
         旅游业能引发文化冲击
最后归纳全文， 呼应第一段最后一句中心句。

然而，无论是从闪动 还是蜜蜂的文章上， 我都看这些具体的中心句。 一篇结构清晰的文章要跟一条鱼那样： 抹去皮肉， 光从骨骼也能辨识出是一条鱼。

虽然两者都有这样的突出问题， 可是其中 闪动 在这篇文章的结构， 做的稍微要好一点。 至少能从段落第二句中提出相关核心字眼。可是你的第二三段的 第一句， 完全可以省去， 或者挪位放到 段落最后一句。 因为他们并不含段落中心词。

同样的建议，适用于  蜜蜂。 然而你的结构问题更加明显-你属于段内分 中心。 这种情况显示出你不懂得层层递进展开话题。 这种分中心的格式， 适用于口语- 当你需要使用流水账形式凑话题。 可是在写作中， 我个人不太认同流水账。这样的形式显得文章结构松散，中心分散。
最后， 蜜蜂 第一段 第一二句似乎是离题。 你说发达国家由于发展成熟 愿意花更多心思考虑该不该利用发展旅游业促进其经济发展。 其实 我认为恰恰相反： 不发达国家才会更愿意使用它们的自然资源 增加其基本财富， 从而为其他经济的发展创造物资基础。

hjx500

感谢3W老师点评，大作文结构我确实感觉没有摸到门道。您能推荐一些您认为在结构方面不错的参考书或者范文么？
我现在的写法基本是十天里面的四段式结构，优点是简单，比较容易就写够字数，但是也确实显得平铺直叙。

另外，我关于旅游业得那个文章，开头其实说的就是：不发达国家对发展旅游业进行原始积累有兴趣，看来还需要改改，表达上不够直观是么?

narcsity

Question:
Some people believe a country will benefit greatly by a high percentage of young people go to university,others argue that it only leads to graduate unemployment,discuss both and give your own opinion.

Answer:
In this time and age, some people believe that a high percentage of undergraduated youngsters will make more profits to their nations. However, others concern more about the unemployment,which they believe it only leads to.

In my opinion, it'll be better to have a higher percentage of young people go to university. First of all, high knowledge and high-skilled people are required by the new century.Countries need their resources and intelligence to gain more increase in economy and other aspects.More over, employers from global factories and companies put more sights to the interviewers' study experiences and processes. Graduates with a higher certifications will attract more focus from their potential bosses. Furthar more, youngsters, who have learned more from universities , will going to have a wider horizon to search for their goals than others.

However, unemployment of graduates is still exist high for some reasons. Basically, some students think that there must be some jobs better paid and more leisure than the ones they have already found.Hence, they maybe give up and reach for another better ones. Additionally, employers would pay more attention to the reputation of the universities where the rookies graduated from. So there may be some barriers for others form the ordinary colleges.The last but not least, the occupations released from the society are mush less than the increase rate of the graduates.

All in all , thought there may be some difficulties to find suitable jobs, I still think that young people will be benefit from their studies in universities. Cos' the global economy is lack of human resources.Young people have their destiny to fulfill it!

[ 本帖最后由 narcsity 于 9-1-2011 23:07 编辑 ]

shan8006

赶回家吃完饭就开始写作文，呵呵，总算完了，啥都没改。
The twenty-first essay

Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence, this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Increasingly hige criminal rates have been the major risks for current societies in this day and age. Subsequently, as increasing media report criminal news in the press or TV, some people start to argue that reporting detailed criminal acts is improper and should be restricted.

As a matter of fact, to report criminal acts in graphic details could drive up already high criminal incidence. The people who hole a grudge against society would acquire the knowledge, which they would be tought how to hide their evidence and how to make a offence perfectly by detailed reporting crime scenes. Maybe, from societies to individuals cannot bear the subsequent consequences —— the perfect crimes —— those cannot be cracked by polices and could cause public panic. Furthermore, some people somehow like to simulate the crime scenes. For instance, Demon Jack is a serial killer and there still have imitators to simulate his murderous methods. Additionally, the victims who have been suffered from perpetrations could be traumatised again via watching the news they have really experienced. The details mean the realities as keen knives, cutting their already brittle hearts.

However, on the other hand, to air criminal acts will enhance the public security awearness. Some law-abiding citizens would learn some useful skills through these programs. They would acquire self-defence skill and how to avoid crime. No doubt that, people have strong curiosity about criminal scenes. In consequence, news outlets could augment their audience rating through airing those in partucular reporting details. Provided that they wish boosting public security awareness, it is gratuitous that describing the details of crime scenes unless just for the sake of enhance audience rating.

Summarily, In my view, reporting criminal news properly would boost public security awareness but reporting excessive details of criminal scenes should be banned.

shan8006

原帖由 EmilyS 于 8-1-2011 14:38 发表

                               
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很喜欢用would吧，但是would不能乱用。将来的事情用will + 动词原形。表示可能发生的不好的事情用could + 动词原形。一般一篇文章里基本用不到几个would
写到后来即使觉得逻辑有点不合理，也是可以补救的。比如你说了很多crime啊traffic啊不包括在cultural identity的事情，那就直接加上个social stability就是了 = = 或者想不到这个单词，就像我结尾一样，抒情一下，加个much more就是了 = =

学习了。would,should,might,could我一直以为是虚拟语气，相对的把will,maybe,can语气弱化一点，原来还有这层讲究。
这个补救措施，呵呵，绝对是超必杀一类的。收获颇多，谢谢^_^

shan8006

原帖由 EmilyS 于 8-1-2011 15:00 发表

                               
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1.        写挺好的。
2.        Comparing to ***, I/we think … 因为是人主观去比较的 Compared with **, *** … 是两个互相比较的东西
3.        Small amount of money总觉得可以有更好的表达，但是困了想不出来 = =

compare 的用法一直不太熟悉，所以轻易不用，学习了。
3。原来都是夜猫子啊^_^，注意身体。
蜜蜂兄的文笔是不错，还有word可以看语法，我以前一直不知道word还能这么用。

shan8006

原帖由 3WU 于 9-1-2011 18:35 发表

                               
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闪动 和 蜜蜂，

说一点感受，不知道别人是否认同，你们互相学习，互相修改，这个非常好， 但看了最近2个topic, 我觉得 你们的写作结构相相走偏了。
比如 topic: "Some people say that developing should firstl ...

其实，我的结构就是根据您以前提出的意见进行改的，主要是每段开头要写出核心词，其实我也不是盲目崇拜您，我是看了很多范文，更准确来说，就英文的写作习惯，总是可以在每段的首句或第二句找到整段的核心意思，因为我们做阅读就是这么干的，有段落的读前三句就能掌握该段主义，所以我认为这是比较地道的英文表达，而且经过研究范文我也肯定了这点，所以我很认同，而且坚决地改正过来。再次非常感谢3WU老师的帮助。
但有的地方我还是很confuse，例如开头介绍背景的问题，因为我看过很多老外的范文，虽然当初只顾背单词，但或多或少记得一些，有很多的开头只是介绍背景，但不啰嗦，也没给出结论和自己的意见。但作为Freeoz内的金牌老师，我也认同您的观点，毕竟八分作文也不一定风格相同，就像前段时间看的一猛兄帖子，他模仿Economist的报道风格，完全抛弃八股文的风格，拿到了7的高分。呵呵，但我等这辈是不想了。。。
当然，首尾呼应也是完整结构的条件之一。

谢谢您的帮助^_^

shan8006

原帖由 hjx500 于 9-1-2011 20:10 发表

                               
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感谢3W老师点评，大作文结构我确实感觉没有摸到门道。您能推荐一些您认为在结构方面不错的参考书或者范文么？
我现在的写法基本是十天里面的四段式结构，优点是简单，比较容易就写够字数，但是也确实显得平铺直叙。 ...

蜜蜂兄，我知道你现在时间紧，还有5天要考试了，3WU老师在文章结构上是很有一套，我在以前就经过他的指点，而且就像我前面回3WU老师帖子写的一样。例如，我们做阅读就是先看前三句掌握段落大意，议论文也如此，因为我们看的阅读基本就是议论文。
但你现在时间紧，我觉得你作文写得比我好，但如果刻意去强求改变可能结果会很惨，因为这需要时间练习，但审题的确很重要，有些题目看似类似其实隐藏玄机，就像前天的那个tourism里的firstly。
在你考试前夕，我也想给你提个醒，临近考试和考试时，尽量写自己熟悉而且正确的句式，不要太多纠缠于变化，有时间的话可以改的，但若考试时间不够一切都是浮云。
加油！我也看好你。

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 9-1-2011 22:50 发表

                               
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Question:
Some people believe a country will benefit greatly by a high percentage of young people go to university,others argue that it only leads to graduate unemployment,discuss both and give your own opinion.

Answer:
In this time and age, some people believe that a high percentage of undergraduated youngsters will make more profits to their nations. However, others concern more about the unemployment,which they believe it only leads to.

In my opinion, it'll be better to have a higher percentage of young people go to university. First of all, high knowledge and high-skilled people are required by the new century.Countries need their resources and intelligence to gain more increase in economy and other aspects.More over(Moreover), employers from global factories and companies put more sights to the interviewers' study experiences and processes. Graduates with a (去掉) higher certifications will attract more focus from their potential bosses. Furthar more(Futhermore), youngsters, who have learned more from universities , will going to have a wider horizon to search for their goals than others.

However, unemployment of graduates is still exist (这是不及物动词，而且前面有了is双谓语了。) high for some reasons. Basically, some students think that there must be some jobs better paid and more leisure than the ones they have already found.Hence, they maybe give up and reach for another better ones. Additionally, employers would pay more attention to the reputation of the universities where the rookies graduated from. So there may be some barriers for others form the ordinary colleges.The last but not least, the occupations released from the society are mush less than the increase rate of the graduates.

All in all , thought there may be some difficulties to find suitable jobs, I still think that young people will be benefit from their studies in universities. Cos'(用Because/as/since因为cos'是口语化表达) the global economy is lack of human resources.Young people have their destiny to fulfill it! (别用惊叹号，学术性论文里不要带个人感情色彩)

仅以微薄之力，改一些个人比较确定的问题。还望有高人批改。

[ 本帖最后由 shan8006 于 10-1-2011 00:59 编辑 ]

neverfree

照闪动同学的文章写了一段，没有开头和结尾，求修改

Firstly, I think that presenting features more than necessary is likely to be a factor in driving up criminal incidence higher.

Those villains having anti-society minds  could have learned from it, for example, the knowledge of how police look for evidence might help the criminal in confusing police.
In consequence, it could lead to public panic when police frequently failed  to arrest the felons.
Moreover, it is more likely for immature youths to imitate the offence behaviors when provided with detailed descriptions of crime.
In addition, considering the family of victim, who already suffered bitterly from the tragedy and trying hard to forget it, could be again stricken hardly by the cruel criminal scene.

On the other hand, however, law-breaking reports can raise the awareness of law amongst citizens and are very helpful for ordinary people to learn how to protect themselves. For instance, people would know what to do when facing a robbery if they already watched such kind of news.

In my point of view, although such kind of media has a positive influence in constructing a peaceful society, providing immoderate details of crime is merely a trick of some pulpy media to attract audience, which is irresponsible and perilous.

浮云云艾米莉

原帖由 shan8006 于 10-1-2011 00:06 发表

                               
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蜜蜂兄，我知道你现在时间紧，还有5天要考试了，3WU老师在文章结构上是很有一套，我在以前就经过他的指点，而且就像我前面回3WU老师帖子写的一样。例如，我们做阅读就是先看前三句掌握段落大意，议论文也如此，因 ...

我个人不是很建议临考换结构，因为每个人多多少少有自己的模板，临考换很容易乱了自己的阵脚。

但是如果还有很多练习时间的话，还是可以的。雅思一定要处处点题，随便一个词一句话都要死死扣住题目，不然肯定降一个档次。

当然，基本语法还是很重要的。句型的多样性也是拉分的关键。建议有条件的话准备一句虚拟语气，一句倒装，语法正确用处恰当的情况下可以拉0.5分。

我那会写的时候，小故事开头引出话题，第二段三句式议论加3个例子，第三段必杀排比句抹杀反面观点，第四段用1-2个时事深度比较双方观点优劣，然后抒情的结尾+点题引出无数思考 = =  考官貌似蛮受用的 = =| 考下来each band >= 8 我自己也吓了一跳 = =

3WU

EmilyS  在166 楼给的建议值得参考。

我觉得蜜蜂 的语言基础比较扎实，语法，句式发挥稳定。但要上升7分或以上，结构的调整很重要。
只是你现在时间紧迫，不见得一下子能掌握好。

给个建议： 雅思作文要勇敢地去辩论，哪怕列举歪理，哪怕捏造事实也要举出例证， 最好是时事，统计（捏造也可）。只有这样，你的段落观点才可以殷实饱满地拓展开来。

分享一个基本结构：
其实你段落中的每一个小分观点都能组织成一个段落。
第一句：核心中心句（落实到扣题的关键词）。 第二句根据核心词拓展解释。第三，第四句，枚举例子。最后一句，根据例子归纳核心。

关于 闪动 说得对开头不能啰嗦，但要注意字字珠玑， 不说与题目无关紧要的东西。有时候那几句不罗嗦的引题中，已经隐含了各段要讨论的核心词，只是没有把内容展开。是否能自然隐晦地导出 各段讨论对象，有时需要语言积累，尤其是词汇变化。其中最容易把握的方法可以是列举：
比如 简单一句： 旅游业的发展会对国家的经济，文化有所影响。

narcsity

There we go, come on. My second essay is ready.

Q: Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it would make bad consequence, this kind of media should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A:
Nowadays, whether media shuch as newspaper and televidion should sway detailed descriptions of crimes to public or not, brings disscussions around people.

In my opinion, it would be better to put some restricts to the detailed and vivid decsriptions . First of all, the specification of the crime, which is reported by the media, will probably be copied by other people, who are potential to commit crimes, i.e. these detailed contents may become  inspirations to the potential offenders. Furthermore, broadcasting of criminal activities from media would make others feel that the society is unsafe and is filled with unstable conditions, thereby affecting the normal lives to everyone. Moreover, when the criminals have finished the jail period, if the descriptions of his illegal experiences have not been shared by publlic , it would be much easier for him or her to face the new life after the punishment.

Howerver, others consider that the whole things of criminal activities should be revealed to all of us. Hence, these would make warning to public and will pull the criminal rate down. Anyhow, these will make deeply impression to people, who have ever lived around the criminals before so that everyone should pay attention to the actions and behaviours of the person , who is just released form the jail.

Though there may be some profits that we will absorb profits from the detailed presentation of public media on the criminal issues. I still prefer that detailed secrets should be protected due to his or her personel human rights. Others should have no rights to reveal it in public . Anyhow these actions have committed to crimes.

[ 本帖最后由 narcsity 于 10-1-2011 14:13 编辑 ]

shan8006

这篇文章创新了一下，不知是好是坏。
The twenty-second essay:

Lectures in the past were used as a way of teaching large number of students. but nowadays the development of technology, we do not use lectures. do you agree?

Answer:

As technologies are developing rapidly on educational area in this day and age, there various new pedagogical methodologies have occurred. By contrast, the traditional teaching methodology — the lecture seems inferior to the new methods in some aspects. In despite of that, traditional method still have the inherent advantages thus it might never be replaced but integrated into new technical methods.

It is no doubt that high progressing technologies have brought education into a new era. First and foremost, distance learning allow students to have classes everywhere every time. Students will find that convenient and informative as well since they can attend classes as they wish time and can take oversea classes at home. Vice versa, teachers are also benefit from this cutting-edge technology. They can meanwhile teach students further then before. There are countless students in teachers' virtual classroom when they update the a new lesson on the Internet, and they can reply students' questions online whatever they are. Furthermore, media classes are also the popular high technical pedagogical methods. That transform conventional humdrum lectures into illustrated and graphic classes. In consequence, that not only stimulating students' interest of classes but also making they easier to grasp the lessons' contents.

However, as not all the students are willing to study, the distance educations give them excessive freedom of study that could cause the problem that a part of students would never study. Whereas, the one of traditional lectures' main functions is to regulate the students from class attendance to school discipline. additionally, a school is society in miniature. Students will acquire societal experience via attending reality classes and dealing with their classmates and tutors face to face.

While, whatever distance education, media classroom and conventional lecture are not mutual exclusively. Contrarily, they can be integrated together. By that, tutors can make their students happier in the lecture halls and help their students revising classes on Internet after school.

Summarily, in my view, technical teaching mathodologies and lectures are not mutual exclusively. The lectures should not be substituted but integrated into new technical methods.

[ 本帖最后由 shan8006 于 10-1-2011 19:32 编辑 ]

shan8006

原帖由 EmilyS 于 10-1-2011 06:07 发表

                               
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小故事开头引出话题，第二段三句式议论加3个例子，第三段必杀排比句抹杀反面观点，第四段用1-2个时事深度比较双方观点优劣，然后抒情的结尾+点题引出无数思考 = =  考官貌似蛮受用的 = =| 考下来each band >= 8 我自己也吓了一跳 = =

以上必杀技。。。用中文写就无敌了，何况用英文。学习了。

shan8006

原帖由 3WU 于 10-1-2011 10:36 发表

                               
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EmilyS  在166 楼给的建议值得参考。

我觉得蜜蜂 的语言基础比较扎实，语法，句式发挥稳定。但要上升7分或以上，结构的调整很重要。
只是你现在时间紧迫，不见得一下子能掌握好。

给个建议： 雅思作文要勇敢地 ...

我的上面这篇作文尝试着靠着您说的所有结构去写，看来这个方法不列提纲真的会写跑题。等于是开头就把文章定下来了。

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 10-1-2011 14:10 发表

                               
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Nowadays, whether media shuch (such) as newspaper and televidion (television) should sway detailed descriptions of crimes to public or not, brings disscussions (discussion) around people.

In my opinion, it would be better to put some restricts to the detailed and vivid decsriptions (descriptions) . First of all, the specification of the crime, which is reported by the media, will probably be copied by other people, who are potential to commit crimes, i.e. these detailed contents may become  inspirations to the potential offenders. Furthermore, broadcasting of criminal activities from media would make others feel that the society is unsafe and is filled with unstable conditions, thereby affecting the normal lives to everyone. (影响着普通生活对每个人？affecting everone's normal lives) Moreover, when the criminals have finished the jail period, if the descriptions of his illegal experiences have not been shared by publlic (public) , it would be much easier for him or her to face the new life after the punishment.

Howerver (However) , others consider that the whole things of criminal activities should be revealed to all of us. Hence, these would make warning to public and will pull the criminal rate down. Anyhow, these will make deeply impression to people, who have ever lived around the criminals before so that everyone should pay attention to the actions and behaviours (behaviour不可数) of the person , who is just released form the jail.

Though there may be some profits that we will absorb profits from the detailed presentation of public media on the criminal issues. I still prefer that detailed secrets should be protected due to his or her personel (personal) human rights. Others should have no rights to reveal it in public . Anyhow these actions have committed to crimes.

narcsity 同学也是15日考试吧，建议在纸上写作文，习惯一下考场环境，小作文也是不可忽视的。
还有拼写错误三个起就扣分了，加油。

shan8006

原帖由 neverfree 于 10-1-2011 03:51 发表

                               
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Firstly, I think that presenting features more than necessary is likely to be a factor in driving up criminal incidence higher.

Those villains having anti-society minds  could have learned from it, for example, the knowledge of how police look for evidence might help the criminal in confusing police (我觉得是to puzzle/confuse police).
In consequence, it could lead to public panic when police frequently failed  to arrest the felons.
Moreover, it is more likely for immature youths to imitate the offence behaviors when provided with detailed descriptions of crime.
In addition, considering the family of victim, who already suffered bitterly from the tragedy and trying hard to forget it, could be again stricken hardly by the cruel criminal scene.

On the other hand, however, law-breaking reports (违法报导？reporting law-breaking cases) can raise the awareness of law amongst citizens and are very helpful for ordinary people to learn how to protect themselves. For instance, people would know what to do when facing a robbery if they already watched such kind of news.

In my point of view, although such kind of media has a positive influence in constructing a peaceful society, providing immoderate details of crime is merely a trick of some pulpy media to attract audience, which is irresponsible and perilous.

neverfree

反复念了几遍用 to 意思更贴切些。
还有这个     违法报道
还是很Chinglish啊

另外我现在的速度太慢太慢了，自己写的话得憋好几个小时
抄闪动兄的也折腾了1个多小时
那个汗啊
唉，继续磨练去了...

narcsity

谢谢闪动！
我一直在努力，第一次肯定是拿不到四个6了。我是想先体验一把，然后深入。保持平常心。

3WU

不多说，请体会不同颜色的标注。 特别指出闪动 #168 的 文章 有点离题：注意 题目红字。

题目：Lectures in the past were used as a way of teaching large number of students. but nowadays the development of technology, we do not use lectures. do you agree?



原文开头段"As technologies are developing rapidly on educational area in this day and age, （there） various （new） pedagogical methodologies have （occurred）. By contrast, the traditional teaching methodology — the lecture seems inferior to the new methods in some aspects. （In despite of） that, traditional method still have the inherent advantages thus it might never be replaced but integrated into new technical methods."


In this day and age, ( ) various () modern pedagogical methodologies have ( ) been utilised to replace the traditional  classrooms for  teaching optimization. Despite that  lectures have been used for thousands of years, still I belive they are  the most socially acceptable and unchallengable effective learning approaches.

下面根据你的文章和段落中心，在你原文的基础上把文章的段落骨骼整理如下：（只给出首句和归纳句）
第一个观点：
Undoubtly, high progressing technologies improve efficiency and quality of classroom teaching, and as a consequence, comprehensively improve the quality of students.
. ........................................................................................................Therefore, the aids of innovated classroom can  not only stimulate students' interest of classes but also help them easier to grasp the lessons' contents.

第二个观点：

However, not all the students feel comfortable studying in  distance at home without any people interaction.
............................................................................................................For students, attending  classes (in reality) and comunicating with their classmates and tutors face to face are essential   learning experiences .

最后两段可以合并。请注意段落的比重均衡。

[ 本帖最后由 3WU 于 11-1-2011 18:23 编辑 ]

3WU

原帖由 shan8006 于 10-1-2011 17:46 发表

                               
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我的上面这篇作文尝试着靠着您说的所有结构去写，看来这个方法不列提纲真的会写跑题。等于是开头就把文章定下来了。

你说的对，建议考试无论有多紧张，也要花时间列提纲， 不能像 盲头苍蝇，匆匆下笔。万一一时想不到观点便要赶着下笔，留着空格最后还是能填补上的。首段要得就是几个关键词/词组。

shan8006

这篇题目我用了以前曾写过的一个，第二次答题感觉流畅多了，写出来后和以前对比简直像两个人写的，而且只花了我三十几分钟，然后检查，控制在四十分钟里。若现在参加考试的话，这篇应该也就是真实的水平了。继续加油！
The twenty-third essay

Some people think the high sales of products reflect the power of advertising instead of the consumers' demand. To what extent do you agree?

Answer:

In this day and age, as advertisements have increasingly influenced people's daily lives, whether the rapidly boosting production sales are due to advertising or customers' own demands has become a frequent topic of discussion. Personally, I prefer that not only advertising but also purchasing demand are all the main contributors to augment product sales.

As a matter of fact, people's purchasing decisions are some extent swayed by advertising thereby boosting conpanies' sales. In terms of children. As famous fast food companies such as Mcdonald's and KFC have advertised around the world, their main target customers —— children cannot refuse the fantastic scenes and tasty food in the ads, thus they will importune their parents to buy those fast foods for them. Likewise, Toy factories promote their products via the advertisements with animated cartoon. The Transformer is the best illustrated example. For the sake of promoting their toy robots, they made the animated films which endue the toy robots with life, world and emotion. As a consequence, this successful advertising has deeply influenced people of generation not only children but also adults and brought enormous sales for company as well.

On the other hand, people's demand also contribute to high sales. Obviously, the population of world has enhanced at a staggering rate. Therefore, some daily necessities have been demand more than before. For instance, the goods which people necessitate to deal with their daily lives from wheat to clothes are heavly demanded around the world. Even some countries which own lesser ground have to import foods to satisfy the needs. Consequently, in terms of daily necessities, people might not be controled by ads, the needy would choose things cheaper and the affluent would prefer things with high quality.

Summarily, in my point of view, the factors of boosting produce sales are both advertising and consumers' demand.

[ 本帖最后由 shan8006 于 11-1-2011 19:44 编辑 ]

shan8006

原帖由 neverfree 于 11-1-2011 01:22 发表

                               
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反复念了几遍用 to 意思更贴切些。
还有这个     违法报道
还是很Chinglish啊

另外我现在的速度太慢太慢了，自己写的话得憋好几个小时
抄闪动兄的也折腾了1个多小时
那个汗啊
唉，继续磨练去了...

多练习就好了，还有别抄我啊 ，万一抄出个4.5我。。。

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 11-1-2011 11:42 发表

                               
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谢谢闪动！
我一直在努力，第一次肯定是拿不到四个6了。我是想先体验一把，然后深入。保持平常心。

不到最后关头不要轻言放弃哦，我已经吃过这个教训了。你底子比我好，相信自己，不就四个六嘛，考试前一定要藐视敌人。

shan8006

原帖由 3WU 于 11-1-2011 18:15 发表

                               
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不多说，请体会不同颜色的标注。 特别指出闪动 #168 的 文章 有点离题：注意 题目红字。

题目：Lectures in the past were used as a way of teaching large number of students. but nowadays the development o ...

谢谢3WU老师。看来我平时还是要加强审题练习啊。
仔细看了您的修改，感觉还是需要时间去消化一下。
实在太感谢您了