分享学习计划+每天作文练习

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 1-1-2011 22:39 发表

                               
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shan是个奋进的好TX。
OK ,there we go.
Let's spare no effort in preparing IELTS !

spare no effort in sth.，好句子，收藏了^_^

shan8006

The fifteenth essay

Many jobs in the home nowadays can be done by machines. Has it brought more advantage than disadvantage?

Answer:

As technology is progressing rapidly on various area in this day and age, there are increasing numbers of machines become replacing people to do their houseworks. However as people benefit from this progress, the others start to doubt it brings weaknesses outweighing its strengths. In my opinion, I agree with that machines help people do their household chores that brings advantages outweigh disadvatages.

No doubt that machines make people's lives more comfortable and convenient. Some household machines like washing maching, refrigerator and cleaner have become necessities in people's daily lives. By that people can save more time to do other relative important things. For instance, businessmen are busy, and they would have not enough time to do household chores but machines could help them. Similarly, household machine could let homemakers relaxed, they are alwas good helpers when homemakers do their houseworks. And maybe in the course of time, household machine could replace people to do all the persons' household chores.

Whereas, on the other hand, they have weaknesses as well. First and foremost, They are machines and most of them are using electricity power. that maybe cause more physical injuries when people use them improperly or use damaged machines. there are a vast number of accidents have happened because of using household electrical appliances. Furthermore, excessive dependence of using machines could lead people lazy and lack of sports. As household chores are main sort of sports for homemakers, the labour-replacing machinery could cause them obese. But, I think that could not happen probably, since they could find various ways to do sports.

All in all, household machines have helped prople to do their househould chores more easily, even though they bring weaknesses as well, but their upsides are outweigh their downsides further.

salime

大致看了下第15篇文章，提醒楼主注意一下，多处句子中出现了双谓语，比如：there are increasing numbers of machines become replacing people to do their houseworks.中are 和become。
their upsides are outweigh their downsides further. outweigh本身是动词，前面不要加are。
还有单复数问题，比如housework是不可数名词，不要加s。

shan8006

The sixteenth essay

Some people say that children should learn their second language as early as possible. Do you agree?

Answer:

As parents and educational institutions have paid increasing attention to children's education in this day and age. Some people start to claim that children should study the second language early. In my opinion, I agree with this point to some extent.

No doubt that, bilingualism has played an increasingly important role in people's daily lives in contemporary society. Because of cosmopolitanism, it is not uncommon that people would communicate with foreigner from greeting to business. Then, the second language in particular lingua franca would be necessitated. In this sweeping trend, it is vital that descendants should learn the second language early for the sake of adapting the society in the future.

Furthermore, children always have strong talent for learning language. As learning the mother language, children could acquaint themselves with new language faster than adult, and there seems to be plenty of research finding to confirm this. Therefore, parents could impart the second language to their children when they teach them vernacular at the same time.

Finally but not the less, language is culture in miniature. Through learning language children could acquire not only language skills itself but the countries' cultures what the languages from. These could enable kids to expand their outlook, and in the meantime, illustratedly cultural contents especially fairy stories could encourage children interest to study languages at an earlier age as well.

All in all, for the benefit of fullfilling children's potential, giving their preparation to adapt the society in the future, and stimulating their study interest. Kids should learn second language at an earlier age.

3WU

看了LZ第 16 篇。能看出来努力的结果。文章结构上有所进步——能看得到文章的各中心点。缺点是结尾没有把该罗列的观点依照出现的次序重新摆放好。

语句使用的生硬依旧是LZ很突出的毛病。
题目说 as early as possible. 但你文中却说 early. 本来回避重复语句是值得提倡，但是改变句意那就不可取了。我想 childhood  这段时间比较贴题。

集中评点第一个观点段：

你使用了不少非常专业的学术词汇：bilingualism， contemporary society，  cosmopolitanism。 建议好好体会一下各自的含义以后适当运用。小心成了老外写甲骨文。

说话不要故意绕圈圈。该肯定就肯定：
“ it is not uncommon that people would communicate with foreigner from greeting to business.”
-〉 It is a common request that from multicultural backgrounds can communicate with each other from greeting to business.

"the second language in particular lingua franca would be necessitated"

这个短句子有2点错误 。
首先 lingua franca  通常指第三语言而不是第二语言。是两个不同语言背景的人为了沟通而创造出的第三语言。也可以是 working language. 比如 语言中含 80% 意大利语，20% 法语。

necessitated 词性错误。

连词使用生硬：
Then， 口语化连词。
In this sweeping trend：  什么 在 sweeping  呢？用法太夸张了吧？

第四句：

descendants  是学徒。不适用于文中对象： 儿童
“for the sake of adapting the society in the future”
词组使用： adapt ...to...

第二个观点，展开例证非常欠缺。而且第二句所说的：学第一语言很快。与是否该学第二语言没有直接明确的关系。

第三段，最有一句： 过渡长句确不懂得如何适度停顿句子。由于标点符号使用错误造成后半句为语法错句， 而且表意不明。


最后好奇问，LZ写文章可有掐时间？
建议注意复杂词汇和长句使用（根据LZ如今水平，建议尽量少用）。尤其注意一个句子有多少个动词。与其玩命写复杂的长错句，建议花点时间学点简单的造句结构，不要光是使用冗长的 简单句式。

shan8006

十分感谢3WU老师的关注和点评。
看来真是不了解文化写不好好作文，英文同意词太多，单词也知道不少，但说到使用场合还真是搞不太清楚。
这篇文章我大约花了近50分钟时间，相对有点慢，因为这是第一次用一面倒的方式来写。以前的文章在遇见不太熟悉的话题时花时间较长，大概需要一小时左右，面对曾经写过的或者话题内容相近的题目花时间久可以少很多，严格控制在时间内。
从我开始发这个帖子起，我就把大家对我提的建议都收录了下来，而且在写文章时提醒自己需要注意的事情。
Thanks for your time and all your help

narcsity

A. Change "The English" to English in the first paragraph, cos' The English means English people;

B. "it has been beneficial to these societies but causing some negative effects as well."
I consider that there is sth wrong with the sentence structure and it shoule be
It has been beneficial to these societies but has caused some negative effects as well.

C. Change "chate" to chat in the second paragraph

D. history and cultural -> history and culture

E. without interpreter -> without translation or without an interpreter.
In the longman dictionary , interpreter means: sb who changes spoken words from one language to another,especially as their job.

F. language -> languages

G. cannot be obsolete by a global language
obsolete -> obsoleted.
obsolete is only an adj. in longman,however it seems that it can be used as a verb,anyway I'm also confused...

That's all.

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 3-1-2011 23:19 发表

                               
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A. Change "The English" to English in the first paragraph, cos' The English means English people;

B. "it has been beneficial to these societies but causing some negative effects as well."
I consid ...

今晚陪老爸喝了点小酒，看不进英文了，明天定仔细阅读。by the way今天的分加完了，明天一定加！楼上看得很仔细，难为你了，我水平真是有限得很，但我一定会仔细去分析^_^，thanks for your tim^_^

narcsity

A. Subsequently, whether a vast number of offenders should be incarcerated or be rehabilitated has been a topic of controversy.

B. the people who commit a crime should be brought to justice  
cancel "the" will be better I think.

C. with strict penalty ->with strict penalties

D. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that  sending a flagitious criminal to school but not to cell will be better.

E. could rever to crime-> could commit crime

G.mould them become ->mould them into

我感觉这篇逻辑性虽然不是很强，但是词汇变化及高级词汇还是可圈可点，在下才疏学浅，以上供参考。

[ 本帖最后由 narcsity 于 4-1-2011 14:40 编辑 ]

narcsity

A.  For the sake of resolving these problems

B.  whether the factories and companies should be relocated to the rural or not

C. ,which has been a topic of controversy.

D. autoos -> autos

E. It seems like that

F. could be beneficial to address these problems
I consider that It's too serious of using word "combat" in this situation.

G. running cars' quantity in the city would be reduced to a reasonable level and could never see a heavy truck again
and 后面的could never see a heavy truck again应该有自己的主语，不应该是cars' quantity。

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 3-1-2011 23:19 发表

                               
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G. cannot be obsolete by a global language
obsolete -> obsoleted.
obsolete is only an adj. in longman,however it seems that it can be used as a verb,anyway I'm also confused...

obsolete是形容词，be obsolete可以作为。。。消失或。。。过时来用，不需要变换。
eg. the Internet will not render tourism obsolete 互联网不会让旅游业消失。
^_^谢谢点评。其他的问题很赞同，it seems like that "longman" is a valuable thing.

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 4-1-2011 14:37 发表

                               
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E. could rever to crime-> could commit crime

这句我写错了，revert to crime，意为再次犯罪。
词汇我是背得多了点，但在用法上问题很大，当初背的时候没怎么在意，现在吃力得很了。
^_^感谢点评

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 4-1-2011 15:34 发表

                               
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A.  For the sake of resolving these problems

B.  whether the factories and companies should be relocated to the rural or not

C. ,which has been a topic of controversy.

D. autoos -> autos

...

Your comments are correct, I have learnt a lot from your advice.
And...it seems like that writing things in English is a good way to study English well.

shan8006

The seventeenth essay

Some parents believe that children's leisure activities should be educational others believe we should not put the pressure on children. Discuss.

Answer:

As educational institutions and parents have paid much attention to children's education in this day and age. Subsequently, whether children's extra-curricular activities should be related to education or not that has became a topic of controversy.

Indeed, kids do educational activities at their leisure time that would be beneficial to them. First and foremost, they could acquire useful knowledge or skills through these educational activities. For instance, they could attend some classes such as music, sports and dancing when they after school. Similarly, attending academic extra classes like second language and maths are always plenty popular. That could enrich children's knowledge and give them more adaptabilities to deal with their school days as well. Whereas, on the other hand, these extra activities also could put the pressure on kids.

Pressure would make kids learning things less effectively and frustrate their study interests. Essentially, children might never delight in studying things what they do not like or parents compulsorily send them to learn. More Precisely, kids are naturally playful, They prefer to do things they interested at their own leisure time, and they are averse that their parents arrange their extra-curricular time. Thus, they would suffer strong pressure under compulsion. By contrast, provided that parents send their children attending classes which they interested, kids might be quite to please.

Because of that, maybe sending kids to do extra-curricular educational activities and pressure free are not mutually exclusive. Parents could let their children to do some educational activities  they interested thereby gaining diversions and knowledge at the same time.

In the light of mention before, children do extra-curricular educational activities could enrich their knowledge and skills, while the compulsory educate would put the pressure on them as well. Instead, parents could allow their children to do educational activities they interested, by that parents could kill two birds with one stone.

supermouse

LZ 精神 真是可嘉

感觉LZ 用小姨里的 词汇 句式， 用的 特别多

比如 3WU说的 你用的专业词汇， 以及 双重否定的句子 等等 （小姨书上的好多词汇 句子 都用烂了， 建议少用， 你想我们都能看出来 你用了参考书上现成总结的词汇和句子， 考官更能看出来了）

其实 我觉得， 6分的作文， 重要的是 词汇用的贴切的基础上 有变化， 句子正确贴切的基础上有变化， 文章有逻辑， 观点清晰切题， 首尾呼应！

加油！！

[ 本帖最后由 supermouse 于 4-1-2011 20:51 编辑 ]

MillerYang

加油！

shan8006

Thanks for your admiration and advice.
I know I used too much words and phrases from "ten days" in my essay. And I keen to change, but maybe I need time to grow and accumulate.
In terms of article structure, just like what you said.  I have made effort to improve it, and I'll continue to do.

My god! It's really TMD hard to write everthing in English.

shan8006

Thank moderator. That's a great encouragement for me.

narcsity

我也这样认为，obsolete是个形容词。
我主要是被你后面一个by给误导了。。
cannot be obsolete by a global language
有 be +adj +by结构吗？

[ 本帖最后由 narcsity 于 4-1-2011 23:56 编辑 ]

narcsity

这一篇有点行文如流水的感觉了。我觉得应该可以6+了。
可我还没怎么练习呢。哎呀感觉自己好堕落。。。

shan8006

First, I'm so happy because my essay never achieve such a high estimate. Thank you very much. This has became a huge motivation to stimulate me to keep working.

Then, I think that your English has quite well. If you'd spend time to do more exercises, you definitely can reach your target.

You see, I have learnt you, which writing everthing in English. You have English skill I very envied. There we go. Let's take it,IELTS!

[ 本帖最后由 shan8006 于 5-1-2011 01:00 编辑 ]

shan8006

The eighteenth essay

News media has become influential to our life nowadays. Some people think that it is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

In this day and age, news media have swayed people's daily lives increasingly. Subsequently, whether it is a negative development or a positive development, that has become a topic of controversy.

No doubt that, people could benefit from some useful news media. First and foremost, some contents of news media are informative such as useful advertisements. People could find their requirements rapidly via these commercials. Similarly, some media are inundated with educational contents, and they are entertaining as well. Thus parents would be plenty delighted as their children would be quite to please to watch them thereby gaining diversions and knowledge at the same time. Furthermore, people always could get information for current affairs through news media. And these alway the main access for people to know what has happened in their own country or in other countries.

However, everything have reverse sides. Some news media might be harmful to people. Like false advertisings could mislead people to buy things which are unworthy of the name. Besides, unauthentic accounts could enable news outlets to boost their audience rating but sacrificing people's in particular celebrities' reputations. Likewise, For the sake of boosting audience rating. Some news outlets even air some programs to people, which are saturated with violent and pornographic contents. These sort of programs would severely impact not only children but also society thereby driving up the incidence of crime.

Summarily, in my opinion, the development of news media has positive effects and negative effects as well. To some extent, I agree with that useful news media should be encouraged, and the false and unauthenic accounts should be restricted. By that, it is a really positive development of news media.

shan8006

I'm so confuse that if change test type to class A? Somebody help me please.

narcsity

Do you mean you wanna change class G to A?
Absolutely yes! Cos' if you get the same number of correct answers, you'll get higher score in class A though it's much more difficult than class G.
Well ,from my opinion ,it would be better to have a test in class A. It will support you not only in migration process but also in your future academic studies if you wanna to take part in.
So ,good luck!

hjx500

闪动你的精神很让我鼓舞，1月15号就要考试了，还是缺乏紧迫感。
从今天开始每天跟着LZ写作文，互相批改，互相提高。加油

hjx500

纸上写了一个小时，打出来的时候又改了不少，考试情况下肯定还连这个水平都写不到，继续努力！
News media has become influential to our life nowadays. Some people think that it is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that the information provided by news media (e.g. newspapers, television, radio and internet) has a tremendous impact on people’s daily lives. Whether ordinary people and society could benefit from such information has sparked controversy recently. In my opinion, the advantages of this phenomenon will continue to overweigh its disadvantages.

Generally, the news reported by most media is proved to be accurate and instant, which benefits both individuals and society. First of all, it is human nature to be curious about what is happening around, as the best decision can be made only if there is enough information provided. News media influence people when they need to make decisions, such as selecting a career and running what kind of business. The resources of society are relocated and redirected reasonably in this way. Moreover, news media plays an important role in instilling high moral values by reporting incidents with good or bad examples. The good discipline will gradually be accepted and admitted. Also, revealing scandals like corruption will help to monitor and boost efficiency in government behaviours.

However, news media could have negative effect as well. Some news could be over-exaggerated, misleading or even false, as a large proportion of news media companies are economically motivated, they may only care about how many people will be interested in the content, regardless of truth. People may end up misjudging the situation after receiving wrong information. Nevertheless, as we are living in a open-minded society, there could be various voices about the same incident in different aspects. Still, people have their own judgement and usually the truth will be revealed by time.

In conclusion, news media, as a way of transmitting information, is more and more crucial in contemporary society. This is an irreversible trend and people will continue to benefit from it.

shan8006

Tomorrow Topic
12/11 G class writing forecast 11

Some people believe individuals are more important in taking care of environment, others thinks governments should be major responsible to it. Discuss and give your opinion.

I'm on duty now and will be later to come here tomorrow. Play Up!

hjx500

Newsmedia has become influential to our life nowadays. Some people think that it isa negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

In this day and age, news media have swayedpeople's daily lives increasingly. Subsequently,（这个地方逻辑关系用consequently应该更恰当，subsequently是时间先后顺序） whether it is a negative development ora positive development, that (去掉,这个地方你用that是想写什么从句呢？)has become a topic of controversy.

No doubt that, people could benefit from someuseful news media. First and foremost, some contents of news media areinformative such as useful advertisements(我个人认为，题目是news media对人的影响，谈到广告有点偏了). People could find their requirementsrapidly via these commercials. Similarly, some media are inundated witheducational contents(inundate偏贬义，是泛滥，充斥的意思，我建议可以说some media provide people with abundanteducational contents。), and they are entertaining as well. Thus parents would be plenty delighted as(用了thus就不要再用as，英文中，因为和所以只能说其中一个) their children would be quite
to(去掉)
please to watch them thereby gainingdiversions and knowledge at the same time. Furthermore, people always could getinformation for current affairs through news media. And these is
always the main access for people to knowwhat has happened in their own country or in other countries.

However, everything have(has) reverse sides. Some news media might beharmful to people. Like false advertisings could mislead people to buy thingswhich are unworthyof the name(这个短语不懂。。). Besides, unauthentic accounts couldenable news outlets to boost their audience rating but sacrificing(sacrifice,位于动词和前面的并列句中的boost一致) people's in particular celebrities'reputations. Likewise, For the sake of boosting audience rating. Some newsoutlets even air some programs to people, which are saturated with violent andpornographic contents. These sort of programs would severely impact not onlychildren but also society thereby driving up the incidence of crime.(thereby前面用过了，句式多换换)

Summarily, in my opinion, the development of newsmedia has positive effects and negative effects as well. To some extent, Iagree with that useful news media should be encouraged, and the false andunauthenic accounts should be restricted. By that, it is a really positivedevelopment of news media.

PS：我查词典里media是medium的复数，不过题目里谓语动词用的是单数，这个问题需要请版里的高手们解答一下了

[ 本帖最后由 hjx500 于 6-1-2011 09:04 编辑 ]

narcsity

握手！我也是十五号考，华东师大。
好运！

shan8006

原帖由 narcsity 于 5-1-2011 17:32 发表

                               
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Do you mean you wanna change class G to A?
Absolutely yes! Cos' if you get the same number of correct answers, you'll get higher score in class A though it's much more difficult than class G.
Well , ...

Yes, that's why I confuse. And It seems like The Task1 of A class is easier than The G class's.