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9月16 日考试,求批大作文

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1#
发表于 30-8-2010 23:24:00 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

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还有两周半就考试了,上次作文是5.5. 不知道现在自己的水平能不能到6分。请大家帮忙评改一下吧。
多谢多谢!
希望在同学们的帮助下,我也能磨磨刀。

Some people think that strong tradition can civilize a country and the government should subsidize musicians, artists, actors and drama companies. Do you agree or disagree? What should the government do?

Under escalating stress of globalization, increasing number of people realize the importance of traditional culture. In the mean time, some assert that government should invest in tradition, such as music, drama or painting because a strong tradition could civilize a country. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with this opinion.

There is no denying that numerals benefits are being brought for us by traditional arts. In the first place, traditional arts can built up people’s awareness of beauty and enhance mental level for individuals. Recent researches conducted have already proved that the right side of human brain could be exploited more after learning arts. The second point for this is that citizens will love and respect their country more deeply after understanding tradition. In other words, when learning tradition, people will realize how many great works were created by ancestors and how ingenious this nation was. Therefore, they will be proud as one part of this country. Additionally, traditional arts will create friend environment to the world and rise the communication opportunities between different nations. As universal language, traditional arts performed on Beijing Olympic Games show the spirit and welcome of China.

Overall, since tradition brings a vast number of advantages, government should take measures to support it. Firstly, government could require the press cover the strength of traditional culture and arts to public. Furthermore, authorities could supply more free visiting days for all the citizens to theaters and museums. More specifically, great artists or individuals who contribute many to tradition should get prizes from government.

Based on discussion offered above, I firmly believe that tradition plays pivotal role of a country. Therefore, it is necessary that governments create convenient situation for protecting and developing tradition culture and arts.

[ 本帖最后由 sara1106 于 31-8-2010 14:07 编辑 ]
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2#
发表于 30-8-2010 23:44:23 | 只看该作者
字数如果够,得6分应该问题不大。
traditon这个词出现的过于频繁了,需要同义词替换一下,比如legacy,folk,historic,conservative,customary等等。

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参与人数 1威望 +10 收起 理由
sara1106 + 10 多谢指正!

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3#
 楼主| 发表于 31-8-2010 13:58:29 | 只看该作者
原帖由 hobtack 于 30-8-2010 23:44 发表
字数如果够,得6分应该问题不大。
traditon这个词出现的过于频繁了,需要同义词替换一下,比如legacy,folk,historic,conservative,customary等等。


是啊, 我对这个单词的同义转换,确实了解的比较少。 谢谢!
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4#
 楼主| 发表于 31-8-2010 13:59:23 | 只看该作者
帖子沉得太快了,顶起来。 大家帮帮忙啊。
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5#
发表于 31-8-2010 14:36:01 | 只看该作者
我来提两点:
1. 尽量用主动语态。理由可以参见" the element of style"这本写作经典。

There is no denying that numerals benefits are being brought for us by traditional arts.
可以改成:
There is no denying that traditional arts has brought us numerals benefits.
不过这样写,不能突出traditional arts,试试改成下面的
Traditional arts, undoubtedly, has brought us numerals benefits.

2. 注意词的准确性。比如第三段的最后一句开头,
More specifically .. specifically, 的意思是"更具体的说"。但是get prize 和supply more free visiting day之间似乎没有这样的关系。

我推荐个字典,我在备考的工程中觉得很有帮助: Collins Cobuild Advanced Learner's English Dictionary
书可以去网上买,电子字典可以这里下http://www.verycd.com/topics/131876/

总的来说,我觉得6分应该没有问题。加油!

[ 本帖最后由 woailvzi 于 31-8-2010 14:37 编辑 ]

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参与人数 1威望 +15 收起 理由
sara1106 + 15 多谢指正! 佩服你啊,阅读居然满分!

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6#
发表于 31-8-2010 14:48:22 | 只看该作者
sara不是准了吗?为啥又考试啊?
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7#
 楼主| 发表于 31-8-2010 15:05:56 | 只看该作者

回复 #6 madrista 的帖子

因为我12月长登,这段时间刚好空下来,就想着再考一次,过了4个6。 如果过去阿德,找不到工作。就读个书,先。
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