作文求批改

Lzh12

在G类和A类之间考了来回很多次了,写作始终都是5.5 , 实在无奈,请求论坛上的朋友有时间的话指点一下,麻烦大家了.
在此先谢谢大家!
Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this case?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler?

In recent years, modern technologies used in planes and vehicles had significant increased,  therefore public transports become much more convenient than ever before. Under this circumstance, more and more people tend to travel for holiday as well as business. It is positive not only to individuals to avoid pressures caused by their job, also beneficial to companies to enlarge their trades through out the world.

It can not be denied that modern technologies and financial crisis result in easier and cheaper transportations nowadays. In the pass decade, aircrafts became bigger and flying faster due to the rapid growth of high technologies used in the design of plane. Double layer plane (Air Bus 380) has appeared which it can not be imagined ten years ago. On the other hand, people can now reach anywhere within few hours all over the world via super sonic plane. Furthermore, lots of highway were constructed very well in large scale of cities and vehicles become much safe than before. Surprisingly, the price of petrol drop to very low due to the financial crisis occurred in 2008. All these conveniences of transportation result in the fact that lager number of travelers can be seen around the world.

Obviously, travel to another city easily is advantage  to both personal鈥檚 well-being and companies鈥� international trades. It is true that jobless rate and living standard became higher due to the financial crisis, hence, employees tend to work or learn technical skills harder  than their colleagues to obtain the opportunity promoted by their supervisors. This will result in a great deal of stress not only to themselves but also their families if they have to work through their leisure time. Travelling is a good way for them to release pressures. Moreover, companies need to explore more business trades abroad to survive in worse business environment. Certainly, discuss with their international partners about the details of contracts face to face is essential and take a close look at the products in factories is quite important. Business trip is the best way to tackle these problems directory.

To sum up, according to the convenience and lower costs of modern transportation, individuals and organizations will both be benefit from easier travelling. Marvelously, however, it depends on the rapid growth of new technologies in trasportation and lower petrol price cause by financial crisis, which will slow down the development of almost companies.

v26v26oo

本人水平一般，看了前2段，给点建议大家共同探讨

It is positive not only to individuals to avoid pressures caused by their job, also beneficial to companies to enlarge their trades through out the world.
avoid 不能接pressures吧，换成release或者ease

In the pass decade, aircrafts became bigger and flying ...
后面的flying 应该改成flew

Double layer plane (Air Bus 380) has appeared which it can not be imagined ten years ago. On the other hand,两段都是写原因的不能用on the other hand,这个是要有前后对比才能用，改成Accordingly可能合适点

Furthermore, lots of highway were constructed very well in large scale of cities and vehicles become much safe than before.
safe应该改成safer，这句可以写成前后平行，不要前面被动后面主动，建议改成vehicles are made much safer than before

Surprisingly, the price of petrol drop to very low due to the financial crisis occurred in 2008. 首先，surprisingly感觉用的不恰当，直接用last but not least好了；其次drop应该改成dropped;最后，前面刚用了due to 后面就别用了，改成as 或者直接because

All these conveniences of transportation result in the fact that lager number of travelers can be seen around the world.
最后的词组应该是all around the world。

Lzh12

谢谢！看来的确是语法存在很大问题，看了很多前辈都建议大家反复改自己的作文，现在我也开始这样做，的确有效，已经有一点点改善了。谢谢你及2楼的朋友。