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标题: Amy Chua Is a Wimp [打印本页]

作者: funnybird 时间: 19-1-2011 14:39
标题: Amy Chua Is a Wimp
Sometime early last week, a large slice of educated America decided that Amy Chua is a menace to society. Chua, as you probably know, is the Yale professor who has written a bracing critique of what she considers the weak, cuddling American parenting style.

Chua didn’t let her own girls go out on play dates or sleepovers. She didn’t let them watch TV or play video games or take part in garbage activities like crafts. Once, one of her daughters came in second to a Korean kid in a math competition, so Chua made the girl do 2,000 math problems a night until she regained her supremacy. Once, her daughters gave her birthday cards of insufficient quality. Chua rejected them and demanded new cards. Once, she threatened to burn all of one of her daughter’s stuffed animals unless she played a piece of music perfectly.

As a result, Chua’s daughters get straight As and have won a series of musical competitions.

In her book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” Chua delivers a broadside against American parenting even as she mocks herself for her own extreme “Chinese” style. She says American parents lack authority and produce entitled children who aren’t forced to live up to their abilities.

The furious denunciations began flooding my in-box a week ago. Chua plays into America’s fear of national decline. Here’s a Chinese parent working really hard (and, by the way, there are a billion more of her) and her kids are going to crush ours. Furthermore (and this Chua doesn’t appreciate), she is not really rebelling against American-style parenting; she is the logical extension of the prevailing elite practices. She does everything over-pressuring upper-middle-class parents are doing. She’s just hard core.

Her critics echoed the familiar themes. Her kids can’t possibly be happy or truly creative. They’ll grow up skilled and compliant but without the audacity to be great. She’s destroying their love for music. There’s a reason Asian-American women between the ages of 15 and 24 have such high suicide rates.

I have the opposite problem with Chua. I believe she’s coddling her children. She’s protecting them from the most intellectually demanding activities because she doesn’t understand what’s cognitively difficult and what isn’t.

Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group — these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale.

Yet mastering these arduous skills is at the very essence of achievement. Most people work in groups. We do this because groups are much more efficient at solving problems than individuals (swimmers are often motivated to have their best times as part of relay teams, not in individual events). Moreover, the performance of a group does not correlate well with the average I.Q. of the group or even with the I.Q.’s of the smartest members.

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Carnegie Mellon have found that groups have a high collective intelligence when members of a group are good at reading each others’ emotions — when they take turns speaking, when the inputs from each member are managed fluidly, when they detect each others’ inclinations and strengths.

Participating in a well-functioning group is really hard. It requires the ability to trust people outside your kinship circle, read intonations and moods, understand how the psychological pieces each person brings to the room can and cannot fit together.

This skill set is not taught formally, but it is imparted through arduous experiences. These are exactly the kinds of difficult experiences Chua shelters her children from by making them rush home to hit the homework table.

Chua would do better to see the classroom as a cognitive break from the truly arduous tests of childhood. Where do they learn how to manage people? Where do they learn to construct and manipulate metaphors? Where do they learn to perceive details of a scene the way a hunter reads a landscape? Where do they learn how to detect their own shortcomings? Where do they learn how to put themselves in others’ minds and anticipate others’ reactions?

These and a million other skills are imparted by the informal maturity process and are not developed if formal learning monopolizes a child’s time.

So I’m not against the way Chua pushes her daughters. And I loved her book as a courageous and thought-provoking read. It’s also more supple than her critics let on. I just wish she wasn’t so soft and indulgent. I wish she recognized that in some important ways the school cafeteria is more intellectually demanding than the library. And I hope her daughters grow up to write their own books, and maybe learn the skills to better anticipate how theirs will be received.

作者: funnybird 时间: 19-1-2011 14:42
This is an article by David Brooks of the New York Times. The original article is here: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/18/opinion/18brooks.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage

作者: funnybird 时间: 19-1-2011 14:46
Those parents who think they can use fear or authority to push their kids to the limit had better think twice before taking the plunge...

作者: pinxinge 时间: 19-1-2011 16:52
提示: 作者被禁止或删除, 无法发言 I believe Chua's education method is not uncommon in China. No one feel that strange, people just accept some common ideas. They care more about the score and which university their children will enter. They don't care what their children are good at.
Chua's problem is not one person's problem, that's a social problem in China.

作者: lisa2008 时间: 20-1-2011 01:25
标题: 回复 #3 funnybird 的帖子
the sad thing is, they think what they are pushing is the BEST for their children and they believe in it

作者: lisa2008 时间: 20-1-2011 01:31
标题: 回复 #4 pinxinge 的帖子
it becomes a culture thing and I can't see much hope of a quick improvement in current China.

作者: funnybird 时间: 20-1-2011 10:51
标题: 回复 #6 lisa2008 的帖子
I don't see why you two have to be so pessimistic. I mean, a lot of people do it because they do not know any better. Put it in another way, they are NOT as enlightened as the parents in the West. To change the situation, we must take the initiative ourselves as a start. People will see the light at the end of the tunnel if you set a good example. I know, I know, easier said than done. Chinese parenting still has a long way to go! But if we can bring up our children in their own interests(not ours!), the children themselves would be able to demonstrate what is best in the end...

作者: yping88 时间: 20-1-2011 11:20
This is such a taxing topic we can never, ever figure out an answer to. I am not sure if the teenagers are old enough to sort out what is the best for their future. I am not sure either if I impose on my daughter what I believe is the best for her, what damage or good that will do for her. So, I just give up pushing her and let what really resides in her take over.
Yeah, I got admit that I feel powerless when I am uncertain about what my daughter will turn out to be. And also, I would send out a message to the general public: Why we are trying that hard to get our children here?

[ 本帖最后由 yping88 于 20-1-2011 11:24 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 20-1-2011 14:41
标题: 回复 #8 yping88 的帖子
I don't mean to offend, but it seems you are missing the point just like others here. Good parenting is neither pushing your kids to the limit by fear or authority nor letting them go wild and decide their future alone. Personally, I think it's about guidance, enlightenment, and courage. You show them the options, encourage them to do what they are interested at heart, and are brave enough to believe in your kids' own capability. You are the mentor, not the boss! As for you last question, I think the answer lies in the book, The Selfish Gene, by the famous evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins.

作者: funnybird 时间: 20-1-2011 14:56
Actually it is the whole point of David Brook's article. And I suspect it's also the very reason why most Chinese students lack of imagination and creativity...

作者: lisa2008 时间: 20-1-2011 15:03
标题: 回复 #9 funnybird 的帖子
I can't agree with you more on what you've said. Actually, to escape from the desperate Chinese education system is one of the most important reasons for many parents to immigrate their families to western countries. But if you have to live under that system, you can hardly do anything else than following it.

The only thing I don't understand is, there are still so many overseas Chinese parents who are treating their kids as their own properties and trying to push their kids to do those things that they think are right. So I completely agree with you on this, a child should be living his/her own life, but not the life selected/arranged by his/her parents.

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 20-1-2011 15:20 编辑 ]

作者: lisa2008 时间: 20-1-2011 15:12
标题: 回复 #10 funnybird 的帖子
Don't get annoyed, our thoughts are nearly the same. But you should not ignore the strong impact by the current Chinese education system. Getting into university is the only way to "make a better/more successful life" is still the common understanding in China so far, and outstanding special skills (eg: musical, sports, etc) can be of good value to add points to university entrance examination.

Except for entering universities, lack of other practical choices for local Chinese students to make a better life is the key problem. And if you furhter look into it, lack of resources vs too big population should be the cause.

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 20-1-2011 15:27 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 20-1-2011 16:05
标题: 回复 #12 lisa2008 的帖子
I'm not annoyed. I'm just frustrated. If people admit there's a problem, they should take initiative to make necessary changes. Refusing to do anything and citing various difficulties is simply incomprehensible to me...

作者: katsura 时间: 20-1-2011 16:26
I am glad I rebelled against my folks and achieved independance. This had lead to a strained relationship with my parents. But if I'd followed what they'd laid out, and lived a life for their ambitions for me (rather than my own life), I'd be a totally miserable person.

Unfortunately, a lot of Chinese kids woudn't dare to rebel against their parents and the cycle continues for yet another generation...

作者: pinxinge 时间: 20-1-2011 17:59
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原帖由 funnybird 于 20-1-2011 16:05 发表

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I'm not annoyed. I'm just frustrated. If people admit there's a problem, they should take initiative to make necessary changes. Refusing to do anything and citing various difficulties is simply incomp ...

Acturally, we all know there is a problem, but we don't know how to solve it. So what we need is a solution, not just what those western people do, but a way that is suitable to chinese people.
So far, I didn't find a sound solution for those parents who live in China. If they don't tell their children which is the RIGHT way, what will the children learn from the society? I don't know the answer. I think till now, most of the parents do not know what's the correct answer either.

As far as what I can see, this education issue is not a isolated problem, it is linked to lots of other social problems. One of them is most of our chinese people has no belief at all. Without a right belief, how do the parents know what is the RIGHT thing to do?

作者: katsura 时间: 20-1-2011 19:09
A few corrections

Actually, we all know there is a problem, but we don't know how to solve it. (delete - So) What we need is a solution, not simply copying what (those - delete) western people do, but a way that is suitable to the Chinese (delete - people).

So far, I haven't found a sound solution for those parents who live in China (yet) . If they don't tell their children what is RIGHT from WRONG , how can the kids learn to fit in with the society?

I don't know the answer. I think (delete - till now,) most of the parents do not know what's the correct answer either.

As far as (delete - what) I can see, this education issue is not an isolated problem, it is linked with lots of other social issues. One of them is that most us Chinese people have no belief (delete - at all). Without the right belief, how can the parents know what is the RIGHT thing to do?

作者: katsura 时间: 20-1-2011 19:18
I have to question the relevance of belief here - I presume you refer to religion?

Each religion only brings a narrow definition of right and wrong to serve it's own purpose. These rules often clashes with other religions and are very limited in their scope. ie, The banning of condoms by the Catholic church.

Besides, I think social standards on moral is pretty much self regulated. I don't need some fake god to tell me harming/ killing a personal is wrong.

I am an athiest, so far my existance has been far more honorable than some of the people guided by their god. And like I replied to you: At least I live by MY way, not my parent's.

But I digress, that is for another discussion.

作者: pinxinge 时间: 20-1-2011 22:01
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原帖由 katsura 于 20-1-2011 19:18 发表

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I have to question the relevance of belief here - I presume you refer to religion?

Each religion only brings a narrow definition of right and wrong to serve it's own purpose. These rules often cla ...

I feel you and I are on different sides. I'm talking about this problem as parents, while you are on children's side.

You might be too young to think about the real meaning of life and solution of social problems, just enjoy life.

p.s. 谢谢你指出错误，来英语版当斑竹吧。

作者: funnybird 时间: 21-1-2011 09:32

原帖由 pinxinge 于 20-1-2011 17:59 发表

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Acturally, we all know there is a problem, but we don't know how to solve it. So what we need is a solution, not just what those western people do, but a way that is suitable to chinese people.
...

I don't quite believe it! If you don't know the solution to a problem, why can't "what those Western people do" be one? If you don't try it, how do you know it's not "suitable" to Chinese people? It's against the logic here...

作者: funnybird 时间: 21-1-2011 09:41
标题: 回复 #17 katsura 的帖子
I think you must be mistaken on "the right belief" that Pinxinge refers to...

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 12:08

原帖由 funnybird 于 20-1-2011 16:05 发表

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I'm not annoyed. I'm just frustrated. If people admit there's a problem, they should take initiative to make necessary changes. Refusing to do anything and citing various difficulties is simply incomprehensible to me...

I hear what you are saying

Reforming the current education system in China is a way to improve the situation. However thinking about the key problem is mainly cuased by the lack of resources plus the huge population, which leads to strong competition everywhere in the sociaty, don't you think there is hardly any hope to get it well solved in the near future?

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 13:00

原帖由 katsura 于 20-1-2011 16:26 发表

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I am glad I rebelled against my folks and achieved independance. This had lead to a strained relationship with my parents. But if I'd followed what they'd laid out, and lived a life for their ambition ...

I had been very rebelious too since very young age and had once been regarded as a hopeless girl in school. But fortunately it was not too late before I realized that entering university could be the way for me to become really independant and have my destiny changed. I started working hard on scores since high school and successfully passed the university entrance examination. Then I rufused (strong fights involved of courses

)my dad's university in which he was the professor there and entered the other one I liked the most in Beijing.

I know my parents have always been loving me. But what they offered to me was not what I wanted.

This is why I keep telling myself when bringing up my own child: if you love him, you give him freedom.

作者: pinxinge 时间: 21-1-2011 13:13
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原帖由 funnybird 于 21-1-2011 09:32 发表

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I don't quite believe it! If you don't know the solution to a problem, why can't "what those Western people do" be one? If you don't try it, how do you know it's not "suitable" to Chinese people? It ...

Sure you can follow the western way, but that's just an experiment, not nessasarily a solution. Keep in mind that it is a social problem, some people can do some experiments on their own children and see if it works, but others, most of chinese parents, can not risk their children's future and just follow the routine way, and you've seen the result.

We've talked about this topic with lots of our friends. You can not say they don't realize there is a problem on children's education. Some of the parents even HATE the education system in China, but what should they do? Leave their children alone and just let it be? For some kids, it is good because they can control themselves. But for others, it might be so opmistic, they might be indulged in playing games for all day and all night, and what will you do?

I don't know the solution for this problem, and I didn't see anyone who really knows how to change the mind of billions of chinese. Does anybody know?

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 13:18

原帖由 pinxinge 于 20-1-2011 17:59 发表

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So far, I didn't find a sound solution for those parents who live in China. If they don't tell their children which is the RIGHT way, what will the children learn from the society? I don't know the answer. I think till now, most of the parents do not know what's the correct answer either.

As an ordinary parent in China, even if you knew what was the correct answer, do you want to take the risk of your own kid's life happiness to fight against the education system? The root cause of the problem is lack of resources, if one could not get to higher levels of the pyrimid, of course he could not get more resourses.

If you choosed to stay in China, there seemed no other better way than following the educaiton system and join the tough competition. This is why many parents who see this clearly want to immigrate to overseas.

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 21-1-2011 13:31 编辑 ]

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 13:22

原帖由 katsura 于 20-1-2011 19:18 发表

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Each religion only brings a narrow definition of right and wrong to serve it's own purpose. These rules often clashes with other religions and are very limited in their scope. ie, The banning of condoms by the Catholic church.

Besides, I think social standards on moral is pretty much self regulated. I don't need some fake god to tell me harming/ killing a personal is wrong.

I am an athiest, so far my existance has been far more honorable than some of the people guided by their god. And like I replied to you: At least I live by MY way, not my parent's.

I remember I saw your words in 宗教版

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 13:28

原帖由 funnybird 于 21-1-2011 09:32 发表

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I don't quite believe it! If you don't know the solution to a problem, why can't "what those Western people do" be one? If you don't try it, how do you know it's not "suitable" to Chinese people? It ...

Because the solution is extreeeeeeeemly difficult and complicated

yes "what those western people do" is very good thinking, but the issue is, the root cause of the
Chinese problem is as what I said above - lack of resourses, and this leads to the cruel Chinese education system. So how can ordinary parents do anything with changing the cruel education system, or changing the resourses fact in China?

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 21-1-2011 13:33 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 21-1-2011 14:30
I give up. When does the topic of the good parenting change to the attempt of revamping the education system in China? Is the two necessarily always in conflict? I've seen kids with good parenting doing well in so called "Chinese education system". As a matter of fact, a kid with good bringing-up would survive any education system. It's a pity to see people who give up without a good fight only because it's "too risky", "too complicated", "too difficult", etc....

To those parents with an apologist view on bad parenting, your kids have my deepest sympathy.

作者: lisa2008 时间: 21-1-2011 15:12

原帖由 funnybird 于 21-1-2011 14:30 发表

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I give up. When does the topic of the good parenting change to the attempt of revamping the education system in China? Is the two necessarily always in conflict? I've seen kids with good parenting doing well in so called "Chinese education system". As a matter of fact, a kid with good bringing-up would survive any education system. It's a pity to see people who give up without a good fight only because it's "too risky", "too complicated", "too difficult", etc....

never say give up

I am not ignoring the power of 'good parenting'. Actually that's what I am working on everyday.

This is because good parenting can only make the small enviroment best for the kid, not the big enviroment such as the school, the university, the society. For example, even if good parenting can have kids focusing on their interests rather than the competition, the fact in China is, tough competiton is everywhere. You can never avoid it from school, from university, from society, from job...... So when a kid grows up without 'competition training'(eg: something like what Amy Chua has been doing on her children, but may not be as tough as her anyway), he'll find himself can hardly make a living in the tough competition envoiroment because he might fail in school, fail in entering university, fail in finding a job to make a living.

or let's try to talk about it in another way:

may you give us some example on what you said 'I've seen kids with good parenting doing well in so called "Chinese education system". As a matter of fact, a kid with good bringing-up would survive any education system.' I personally tend to think this is just too ideal in current China.

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 21-1-2011 15:35 编辑 ]

作者: pinxinge 时间: 21-1-2011 20:01
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原帖由 funnybird 于 21-1-2011 14:30 发表

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I give up. When does the topic of the good parenting change to the attempt of revamping the education system in China? Is the two necessarily always in conflict? I've seen kids with good parenting doi ...

If Amy Chua's daughters are living in China, they might be your good sample. And that might be so called good parenting....

作者: funnybird 时间: 24-1-2011 09:41
标题: 回复 #29 pinxinge 的帖子
I may be naive and retarded, but I would say this: Amy Chua is surely a strict parent. Yet her method is in no way good parenting. In China or otherwise...

[ 本帖最后由 funnybird 于 25-1-2011 09:24 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 25-1-2011 10:53
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: if you want your kids to be a healthy and happy human being in the future, read this and learn: http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=201101&postID=26745

作者: bulaohu 时间: 27-1-2011 01:04

原帖由 funnybird 于 20-1-2011 14:56 发表

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Actually it is the whole point of David Brook's article. And I suspect it's also the very reason why most Chinese students lack of imagination and creativity...

You may lack imagination and creativity, but please hold off talking on behalf of me, and maybe many other "Chinese students" there. You don't know any of us at all, do you?

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 10:06
标题: 回复 #32 bulaohu 的帖子
I have no intention to underestimate all your imaginative friends and you yourself. As for why I said that, plenty of articles online and do your research before you make a statement. I'd give you an example here: http://english.peopledaily.com.cn/90001/90776/90882/7093100.html

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 10:13
标题: 回复 #32 bulaohu 的帖子
By the way, I don't think a researcher needs to know all the subjects personally before drawing a conclusion. Unless you don't believe a statistic survey is a scientific method in the first place...

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 10:15
In a survey of 21 countries, the counting ability of Chinese children ranked No.1, while imagination ranked at the bottom and creative ability ranked fifth from the bottom.

Hu Jiankang, an official of Chongqing's municipal People's Congress Standing Committee, said his statistics came from a survey issued in 2009 by the International Educational Progress Evaluation Organization. Among children from 21 counties, China's primary and middle school students' imagination and creative ability were quite poor.

Nearly 5 percent of Chinese students believed they had curiosity and imagination, and about 15 percent wished to raise the two abilities. Hu also said among the top 20 inventions that have had a great effect on humanity selected by several American professional academies, not one was invented by a Chinese person.

Though 2,000 Chinese students finish their doctorates in the United States every year, which is more than any other group of foreign students, their imagination is quite poor, American experts say. Regarding this, Hu suggests strengthening "imagination-oriented education" for China's primary and middle school students through legislation.

Liu Daoyu, a famous educator and ex-headmaster of Wuhan University, has said that the lack of imagination among Chinese children is a matter of concern for the scientific world. The examination system in China has severely restricted students' imagination and creativity, and the reform of China's education system should start with the liberation of children's curiosity.

When comparing Israel and China, two countries that pay great attention to education, Liu found Israeli parents always adopt the parenting style of lions, which leave their cubs alone and force them to learn how to live by themselves. However, Chinese parents always fall on the extreme ends of the parenting spectrum and either coddle or punish their children severely. As a result, nearly 10 Israelis have won the Nobel Prize, but zero in China.

Source: People's Daily Online - http://goo.gl/NtdUJ

[ 本帖最后由 funnybird 于 27-1-2011 10:19 编辑 ]

作者: katsura 时间: 27-1-2011 13:54
Actually 1 Chinese did win the Nobel Prize, but....

[ 本帖最后由 katsura 于 27-1-2011 14:58 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 14:35
标题: 回复 #36 katsura 的帖子
。。。but it's NOT the point of the debate here, just like there're plenty Chinese people who are both creative and imaginative(see 32# for evidence). We cannot afford only seeing the trees, but not seeing the forest...

作者: pinxinge 时间: 27-1-2011 14:57
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原帖由 funnybird 于 27-1-2011 14:35 发表

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。。。but it's NOT the point of the debate here, just like there're plenty Chinese people who are both creative and imaginative(see 32# for evidence). We cannot afford only seeing the trees, but not ...

Even if most of the chinese students are not creative and imaginative, we still can not reach the conclusion that it is the education method or education system that caused the problem.
China is still a developing country with lots of limitations like population, language and limited resources. It is unfair to compare a chinese student and a US student if the resources they can access is totally different.

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 16:52
标题: 回复 #38 pinxinge 的帖子
Double Standard by Jinks13

Victim of circumstance, battling false accusation
Appalled, emphatically exasperated
Striving for harmony, depleted of hope
Hostilely rejected, drowning in waves of anxiety
understanding the magnitude of loss
of letting go
Fingertips pressed white, holding tightly,
Refuting the demon depicted by antagonist relations

Victim of circumstance, false accusation remains
inverted
Appalled, emphatically exasperated
now a barbaric perspective
Hostility
rears its hideous head once again, anxiety released
recognizing what is accomplished
by letting go
Harmony given, hope imparted
Unconstrained by the demon depicted

Author notes:

In our society it seems what is okay for one is not okay for another, one's reaction is understandable given the circumstance, but another's identical reaction given the same circumstance, is unacceptable. It is almost comical to reflect on but ridiculous and frustrating to experience.

Written January 17th, 2006

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 16:56
[youtube]kXYiU_JCYtU[/youtube]

作者: funnybird 时间: 27-1-2011 17:07
Tired of being what you want me to be,
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me,
put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.)
every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly afraid to lose control
'cause everything that you thought I would be
is falling apart, right in front of you
(caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
and every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you...

and I know I may end up failing too but I know
that you were just like me with someone disapointed
in you

(Chorus again)

作者: Options 时间: 29-1-2011 20:04
Share with parents here. Do we need this kind of parents? Could we be the ones?

巴菲特的家教：“父母唯一应为孩子做的就是找到孩子的热情所在，并鼓励全力以赴地去追求，并发挥得淋漓尽致。找出热情所在是一个辛苦又玄奥的过程，需要很大的自由空间，父母若施加压力只会适得其反。父母只要告诉孩子做选择时不要考量地位或收入，要问心中的真诚和共鸣。”

Pity I don't have the English version.

作者: funnybird 时间: 1-2-2011 09:45
标题: 回复 #42 Options 的帖子
Can't find the original quote from Warren Buffett, but got this article online. Hope it helps:

Life Is What You Make It – An interview with Peter Buffett

What if when you were a young adult you received an inheritance of $90,000? What would you do? Would you put the money aside in a savings account for when you’re older? Would you settle down? Or would you take a huge risk and use that money to follow your dreams and passion?

Peter Buffett was given such an opportunity and chose to take the riskiest path.

Peter is the youngest son of Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors in the world and one of the biggest philanthropists in history. A few years ago Warren made a pledge to donate close to $40 billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, an organization that focuses on improving health and education around the world.

Growing up with such successful parents, you would think that the Buffett children turned into those typical heiresses you’ve seen in the media. However, Warren was not just a successful businessman but also a successful father. The Buffett family didn’t live in a sprawling mansion or drive around in Lamborghinis. They were simple (yet extraordinary at the same time). Warren and his wife Susan decided that they would help their kids get a start in life but they wouldn’t give them too much assistance and privilege that they would become lazy.

Peter is the youngest of Warren and Susan’s three children. He saw his two older siblings go through their inheritance rather quickly and he learned from that. He didn’t want to repeat the same mistake but he also didn’t want to just settle down and follow the safe path in life that would guarantee financial security. He had a passion for music and was compelled to pursue it. So at age nineteen he left Stanford University and moved to San Francisco to attempt to begin a career in music.

With his $90,000 inheritance, Peter spent it wisely buying the necessary equipment for his music and then living frugally.

He struggled for a few years working different low-paying jobs and paying his dues in the music industry. Then in 1981 he got his big break. One of Peter’s neighbors just happened to ask him what he did. Peter told him that he was a struggling musician. The man told Peter about a friend of his who was in need of musicians all the time. The neighbor referred Peter to this person, who just happened to be working for a little startup cable network called MTV. Peter began creating audio for MTV’s logos. This opened new doors for Peter as he started working for advertising agencies in San Francisco creating jingles.

Then Peter moved towards film. He composed a score for Kevin Costner’s Dances with Wolves. The score was part of the “Fire Dance” scene. Peter’s opportunities continued and he continued to seize them by composing a score for an eight part miniseries on CBS produced by Mr. Costner called 500 Nations and then contributing to a score for the film The Scarlet Letter. He continued with composing music for television and won two Emmys for An American Portrait and Ojibwe.

Peter had all these successes but he didn’t stop there. He released 15 records through the years and currently owns two independent record labels called BisonHead and BeSide Records. He also produced a theatrical concert called “Spirit – The Seventh Fire.”

Like his father and mother, Peter has the desire to give back to those less fortunate. He has collaborated with the musical artist Akon to bring awareness to the over 12 million people in the world who are trafficked for sexual and labor exploitation. Akon and Peter created songs to inspire others to help stop human trafficking and created a site where people could learn more and contribute to the cause. The site is called; IsThereSomethingICanDo.com. Peter also runs a foundation called the NoVo Foundation that fosters projects that empower women and girls around the world.

Peter had a great start in life thanks to his parents. They encouraged him to be his own person and blaze his own trails. So instead of following his father’s successful footsteps, Peter decided to go down the path that had no footsteps. It was a huge risk but that’s where his passion was pushing him to go and he couldn’t ignore it.

Peter succeeded and he also failed. And he learned along the way. Now he is sharing those lessons with others.

Peter has written a book called; Life Is What You Make It: Find Your Own Path to Fulfillment. The book asks the question of whether you’d choose the easiest path in life or the path with potentially greater satisfaction.

The book is published by Random House and is to be released on April 27, 2010. You can order it from Random House, Amazon, Borders, Barnes and Noble,or IndieBound.

I was given the amazing opportunity to ask Peter a few questions about success, creativity, and life:

- When you left college to pursue music, did you have a backup plan if you ran out of your savings and your career hadn’t taken off yet? Clearly you didn’t want to ask your father for a handout.

Not only did I not want to ask him, I knew that I wouldn’t get it! So I had to make it work. Honestly… I didn’t really have a backup plan. Although now that I’m thinking about it, I guess going back to school was my backup plan. I was very lucky that my parents were willing and able to pay for my schooling. In general, I’ve always tried to take a leap of faith knowing that if I didn’t make it, my fallback was okay, too. So in this case, school was the fallback.

- Do you think money brings happiness?

No! That is definitely a misconception. It’s important in that it puts food on the table and a roof over your head… things like that, for sure. But happiness can only come from inside of you. It may sound corny, but it’s true. I think most people are trying to make a lot of money to prove their worth.. or so they can buy things that prove their worth. This is a completely false way to get the happiness one is looking for.

- What did it feel like when you knew you had made it on your own?

Great! I like to say that “self respect comes from earning your own reward”. The only way we can truly know ourselves and live an honest life is to make our own decisions and take responsibility for them.

- You’re a multi-talented guy, what tips do you have for others to tap into their underutilized and hidden talents?

Get to know what feelings inside connect with “hey.. I like this I want to get better at it/do it more” or “this isn’t really for me… I need to find another path”. Those messages are sometimes hard to hear or they get distorted by what you “think” you need or want. Society gives us thousands of messages every day.. and they aren’t always good ones!

- What advice do you have for those who feel they can’t make a career out of their passions?

Well.. not everyone can, that’s true. I think there are two ways to look at it – you can work to live or live to work. Both are certainly viable. I think if you live to work, it means that you love what you do and have found a way to make your passion your livelihood. If you work to live, that means that you have your “day job” which may not be a perfect fit, but it allows you to pursue a passion in your free time. In that scenario, the best is if you actually love going to work because you know it’s feeding your passion outside of work.

- You and your family have the ability to tackle large philanthropic efforts, but for people with fewer resources, what can they do to help others and make the world a bit better?

There is so much value in time and expertise! Money is good, but time is at least as valuable if not more so. Philanthropy literally means the love of people. So it’s really not about money at all. It’s about wanting to help out so that we all have a brighter future. That can be helping out at a soup kitchen or lending your expertise at painting houses to Habitat for Humanity.

- Your father encouraged you and your siblings to blaze your own trails and pursue your passions; but many parents aren’t like that today. They want their children to get a degree, get a high paying job, settle down and take as little risk as possible. Why do you think that is?

Well, it’s probably a well meaning push towards security. Although sometimes it’s also for the parent’s own ego.. “my kid is at Harvard..” etc.. It’s too bad either way. My thought is that parenting should involve the idea that your child is unique in the world and how do they best grow into that unique place that is theirs alone?

- A lot of people have this negative mentality of “what’s this world coming to?” What and where do you believe this world is coming to?

I believe that all things are cyclical. The world has been around for 4 billion years, it will be here for quite some time. But humanity as it stands today is another story. Certainly America will change over the coming decades or century. The idea that we are – or have to be – “number 1″ or “the best” is already outdated. But it will probably take some sort of seismic shift for people to really get that.. and realize that it’s okay. We’re part of a global community that depends on all of us for survival. While this might come off as negative, I think it’s just the natural order of things. Everything changes… the world will probably look very different in 50 years. It’s not going to come to an end! It will just end as we know it.

- You acknowledge that you’ve let opportunities slip through your hands but you don’t seem to live with huge regrets. How do you recommend others deal with missed opportunities?

Every one of them is a learning opportunity. What were you not prepared for? How did you mess up? How can you do better next time? The key to this is taking responsibility. Finding where you went wrong and learning instead of blaming some outside situation.

- You believe time is more precious than money. How can people who are full of responsibilities like working a 9 to 5 job, raising kids, helping elderly parents, paying a mortgage, etc., find even a little time to go after their passions and dreams?

Absolutely time is more precious than money! It can never be replaced. But this is a very real and difficult question. Honestly, the best response I can think of is the importance of pursuing dreams and passions when you’re young – so you can see what takes hold before other obligations become overwhelming. Of course, for many, parenting itself is (and should be!) a passion. But the old adage that “youth is wasted on the young” I think speaks to the idea that when you’re older and saddled with more responsibilities you remember how your youth was not used as wisely as it could have been…. following your dreams.

- Do you think luck plays a major role in everyone’s success?

Yes. But being prepared for it when it comes is critical!

- Do you have any specific tips for those pursuing goals in the arts such as music, writing, painting, and film?

It can be a difficult road. But that’s where the drive that only passion can give you pays off. I think one important thing to remember is not to think that doing something even slightly related to your goal is “beneath” you. I took plenty of jobs that didn’t pay – or paid poorly. And also did work that was considered “grunt” work in the music biz. But it was all slowly taking me down a path that kept me in music. I was always learning something that would get me a little further.

[ 本帖最后由 funnybird 于 1-2-2011 09:51 编辑 ]

作者: Options 时间: 1-2-2011 19:24
标题: 回复 #43 funnybird 的帖子
Very helpful. Thanks.

Actually I'm not confused on the direction of parenting but how. Looking forward to reading the book...

作者: bulaohu 时间: 4-2-2011 17:53

原帖由 funnybird 于 27-1-2011 10:06 发表

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I have no intention to underestimate all your imaginative friends and you yourself. As for why I said that, plenty of articles online and do your research before you make a statement. I'd give you an ...

Your articles don't worth a penny. Basic logic here:

1. You don't know me
2. You don't know how I scored at uni
3. Therefore you can not talk for me

Isn't this simple enough? If you struggle to understand this, what kind of article can save you from ignorance and arrogance?

作者: bulaohu 时间: 4-2-2011 17:55

原帖由 funnybird 于 27-1-2011 10:13 发表

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By the way, I don't think a researcher needs to know all the subjects personally before drawing a conclusion. Unless you don't believe a statistic survey is a scientific method in the first place...:h ...

A researcher won't draw a blanket conclusion like you did. Generalisation is a grave enemy to a serious researcher. I don't think you belong to that league, so just stop flattering yourself will you?

[ 本帖最后由 bulaohu 于 7-2-2011 17:38 编辑 ]

作者: funnybird 时间: 7-2-2011 11:52
标题: 回复 #45 bulaohu 的帖子
May the Force be with you...

作者: bulaohu 时间: 7-2-2011 17:38

funnybird 威望 +2 Sounds like you knew me all along... 7-2-2011 11:36

If you are a dumb person, playing smart is probably not the best move. I don't have to know you to know that I don't know you, because I don't have any personal friend here. What more do I have to say to punch some logic into your head?

作者: bulaohu 时间: 7-2-2011 17:42

funnybird 威望 +2 Speak for yourself, no matter what leagu 7-2-2011 11:37

Oh really? Do you not know any boundaries? Do you not know boundaries define validity? I speak for myself on personal matters, I can also, however, point out general rules, practices, consensus, regulations, things that most sane people already agree on, just like this one:

A serious researcher will NOT make generalized comments. All opinions and conclusions are made under a set of clearly set out conditions which are ample to define the scope of discussion.

作者: funnybird 时间: 8-2-2011 09:51
标题: 回复 #49 bulaohu 的帖子
I don't agree with your claims for obvious reasons, but I defend to death your right to have a say. Perhaps it's even better for you to create a new posting! After all, your arguments are already way beyond the topic of this posting...

[ 本帖最后由 funnybird 于 8-2-2011 09:53 编辑 ]

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