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标题: 最近的essay,求指点 [打印本页]

作者: greenray 时间: 10-7-2013 19:10
标题: 最近的essay,求指点
space tourism should be developed to the public in future or not

Nowadays, there are increasing concerns on space tourism with the rapid development of space technology. However, whether space tourism should be developed to the public in future for entertainment is a controversial issue. From my point of view, I mainly agree that taking tourists to the outer space should be encouraged.

First, it has to be admitted that the ultimate purpose of technology should be to fulfill people’s increasing requirements of material and entertainment. As the matured technology of airplane, travelling by plane has already been an indispensable part of people’s life and played a dominant role in the process of globalization which greatly enriches their experience. So with the development of outer space technology, space tourism will become an inevitable tendency in future.

Moreover, the government has already invested massive resources, not only natural resource but also human resource, to the development of outer space technology, which imposes heavy burden to it. Actually government should not be totally accountable for the costs, the public need to play its part. So the ticket of the space tourism must be expensive to ensure that the project can get benefit from it.

However, appealing as it may be, we should not neglect the negative effects that outer space tourism brings. It consumes large amount of natural resources and causes devastating pollution to the environment. But the space technology gets developed at the expense of the pollution, and we need to accept it.

In sum, outer space tourism satisfies people’s entertainment needs and it eases the heavy burden on government. But it brings pollution the environment. In my understanding, what we need to do is to accept it as positive, while at the same time keeping away from its drawbacks.

作者: snowaves 时间: 10-7-2013 19:33
看了首段，觉得LZ已经跑题了。 “whether space tourism should be developed to the public in future for entertainment is a controversial issue.” 题目中有说让你讨论太空旅行“for entertainment”的必要性了吗？

自主先把题目做了个限定的话，论据就一定跳不出这个自己设的框框了。后边的我就不看了....

作者: wisezmz 时间: 10-7-2013 19:37
你用的是刘洪波的模板吧？

审题似乎有点问题。space不是特指outer space（外太空），近地轨道呢？美国已有私人公司开发了用飞机载客至大气层边缘然后俯冲而下，制造短暂失重现象的特别体验项目，这算不算题目说的space tourism？你的全文仅围绕outer space 展开讨论，有点跑题了。

In sum， C&C、语法、词汇没啥问题，但TR很弱。

作者: ciprol 时间: 10-7-2013 21:06
开头第一句我会转一下。

With the rapid development and commercial applications of space technologies in 2013, there are increasingly vocal public discussions on the appropriateness of space tourism.

作者: shyaka 时间: 11-7-2013 10:57
6分酱油飘过。。。。
taking tourists to the outer space should be encouraged 这句话和题目貌似没啥关系了。。。题目说的是太空旅行向public开放，你同意的是鼓励旅行者，但旅行者不一定是public的子集吧？用public tourists是不是好点？~

作者: shyaka 时间: 11-7-2013 10:58
本帖最后由 shyaka 于 11-7-2013 11:01 编辑

wisezmz 发表于 10-7-2013 19:37

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你用的是刘洪波的模板吧？

审题似乎有点问题。space不是特指outer space（外太空），近地轨道呢？美国已 ...

搜了下维基，outer space应该可以替换space：
Outer space, or simply space, is the void that exists between celestial bodies, including the Earth.
个人理解，就是指所有天体的外表面和大气层（如果有大气层的话）外的空间。同时，大气层内飞行器貌似不能称为spacecraft。

作者: wisezmz 时间: 11-7-2013 11:09

shyaka 发表于 11-7-2013 10:58

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搜了下维基，outer space应该可以替换space：
Outer space, or simply space, is the void that exist ...

假如打分的考官是女的呢？她了解这些吗？稳妥起见，还是不要轻易转换题目划定范围，同义词替换必须确保所指范畴一致。

作者: greenray 时间: 11-7-2013 11:19

wisezmz 发表于 10-7-2013 19:37

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你用的是刘洪波的模板吧？

审题似乎有点问题。space不是特指outer space（外太空），近地轨道呢？美国已 ...

请问C&C 和 TR 是指什么啊？

作者: v26v26oo 时间: 11-7-2013 11:50

greenray 发表于 11-7-2013 11:19

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请问C&C 和 TR 是指什么啊？

coherence and cohesion以及task response，LZ可以去网上搜一下写作的官方评分标准，共分4项打分，其实LZ的语言挺好的，以后注意点task response的话7分不是问题。

作者: wisezmz 时间: 11-7-2013 11:57

greenray 发表于 11-7-2013 11:19

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请问C&C 和 TR 是指什么啊？

烤鸭不知评分标准，要拿高分，难……

作者: greenray 时间: 11-7-2013 13:16

wisezmz 发表于 11-7-2013 11:57

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烤鸭不知评分标准，要拿高分，难……

惭愧惭愧，要加紧潜心学习了。

作者: greenray 时间: 11-7-2013 13:22

ciprol 发表于 10-7-2013 21:06

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开头第一句我会转一下。

With the rapid development and commercial applications of space technologi ...

学习了。

作者: iamleg 时间: 11-7-2013 19:17

ciprol 发表于 10-7-2013 21:06

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开头第一句我会转一下。

With the rapid development and commercial applications of space technologi ...

是 vocal public discussions 还是 public vocal discussions 呢？

作者: ciprol 时间: 11-7-2013 22:42
我会形容为"vocal public discussion". "Vocal"是个形容.

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