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标题: 6个信号他其实喜欢你 ---- 更新 #38 [打印本页]

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 30-8-2012 09:43
标题: 6个信号他其实喜欢你 ---- 更新 #38
乐观人群的10个好习惯

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand? If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

　　你是否在等待足以改变命运的大事件并以此过上自己想要的生活，这样你才可以更积极地对待生活？你是否发现自己的幸福感是有条件的，而且认为必须发生某些事才能让你更快乐？你是否认为自己的生活压力过大，而其他人都无法理解？如果以上任何一个问题你回答了“是”，你可能已经在消极情绪中沉溺很久了。

　　The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

　　下面是一些遇事保持乐观的小窍门。它们可以帮你避免不恰当地盲目寻找心理学家所说的“正能量”。我们来看看乐观人群的10个好习惯。

　　1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

　　乐观人群懂得放弃和顺其自然的区别

　　Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

　　乐观人群不会纠结于理念、信仰和那些会给他们带来负面情绪的人。他们会相信自己的判断，让生活中的负面压力顺其自然。尤其在人际关系方面，他们信奉这样几句话：

　　I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life …

　　对于给我的生活带来积极影响的人，我会尽我所能去信任他们，

　　To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones …

　　对于给我带来消极影响的人，我会保持距离、或者由他们去，

　　And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

　　而且我有智慧分辨这两种人的不同！

　　2. Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

　　乐观人群不仅会享受美好的一天，他们还会创造美好的一天

　　Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

　　乐观人群的字典里从来没有“等待”“希望”“盼望”这些词。他们总是用那些强有力、而且积极主动的字眼，绝不会用那种被动的字眼。被动会让人缺乏参与精神，而乐观人群会积极参与到自己的人生规划中。在困境中他们会用行动来改善自己的感受，而不是指望坏情绪快消失。

　　3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

　　对于乐观人群来说，过去只停留在过去

　　Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

　　回忆，无论好坏，都应该留在原地 —— 也就是事情发生的过去。乐观人群不会过分怀念美好的旧时光，因为他们正忙着创造新的回忆。而过去那些负面回忆的作用不是让你自怨自艾，也不是让你毫无意义地后悔，而是让你在后悔过后从中吸取教训，然后让其成为通向更美好未来的垫脚石。

　　4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

　　乐观人群都懂得感恩

　　The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

　　最乐观的人往往也是最懂得感恩的人。他们不会纠结于生活中的坎坷，而会用全新的感官和体验，去关注生活中每一天等待着他们的宝藏。在他们眼中，生活就是一个充满了传奇的宝库。

　　5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

　　乐观人群不会为自己的局限所困，而会被自己的潜能所激励

　　Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time. They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

　　乐观人群会关注自己能做什么，而不是不能做什么。他们不会天真地相信凡事都有完美的解决办法，他们认为每个问题都有许多解决办法和可能性。他们绝不会原地祈祷事情出现转机，而会无所畏惧地为老问题尝试新的解决办法。他们不会像查理布朗那样，每次只是期待露西不会把球从他手里抢走。

　　6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

　　乐观人群不会让恐惧打乱自己的生活

　　Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

　　乐观人群明白，那些被恐惧所左右和束缚的人永远无法真正活出自己。他们也会保持适度的谨慎，但绝不会因为恐惧而放弃对新事物的尝试。他们深知，失败也是通向成功的必经之路。他们坚信，哪怕被生活中的挫折或自己犯下的错误所打倒，他们也可以重新站起来，因为他们对于自己的抗击打能力有着强大的信念。

　　7. Positive people smile a lot!

　　乐观人群常常微笑

　　When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

　　如果你感到乐观向上，你也会发自内心地微笑，而且这种微笑是可以感染他人的。和乐观人群相处越久的人也越容易微笑！乐观人群善于发现生活的闪光点，而且富有幽默感，也不介意拿自己开玩笑。他们也有很强的自尊，但不会太把自己当回事儿！

　　8. People who are positive are great communicators.

　　乐观人群善于交流

　　They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

　　乐观人群明白，自信的交流是日常生活中和他人沟通的唯一途径。他们会避免批判性的、愤怒的交谈，也不会因为他人出言不逊就以牙还牙。相反地，他们在自我表达时善于运用机智和策略。他们还充满自信，绝不会人云亦云，也不会亦步亦趋跟着别人犯错误。

　　9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

　　乐观人群明白，你活得越长，痛苦和悲伤也越多。

　　One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness。

　　对乐观人群一个最普遍的误解就是，他们每时每刻都很快乐。这简直大错特错。任何一个头脑正常的人都不可能永远保持快乐。悲伤、愤怒和失望也是生命中不可缺少的情绪。如果你只拥有一些简单肤浅的情绪，如何能做到对他人感同身受呢？乐观人群在面对各种情绪时不会逃避，他们认为情绪上的治愈过程有助于他们体验多种情感，而不仅仅是“快乐”这一种。他们总是相信，黑暗的尽头必定有光明。

　　10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

　　乐观人群善于掌控自己的人生，他们不会责怪他人，也不会做生活的受害者。

　　Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

　　乐观人群会向有能力而且可靠的人寻求帮助和支持。他们很明确自己的基本人权，而且非常维护自己的尊严，因此绝不会扮演受害者的角色。乐观人群有着积极的心态，绝不会心存怨恨。宽容有助于乐观人群抛弃愁苦，使他们的生活更美好。

[ 本帖最后由 KYLIE2008 于 25-2-2013 09:55 编辑 ]

作者: duibuqi 时间: 30-8-2012 11:13
学习了。
谢谢！

作者: sharon11 时间: 30-8-2012 13:21

作者: Carol_Wu 时间: 30-8-2012 13:26
好文，学习了，努力做到ING!!!

作者: 妮南 时间: 30-8-2012 13:30
学习了，努力做个积极乐观的人。
需要修身养性，还有人信教之后在性格方面也得以改善。

作者: yearshappy 时间: 30-8-2012 18:15

I smile alot

作者: 果仁1212 时间: 30-8-2012 19:16

好文章，换一种思维，豁然开朗。

作者: 妮南 时间: 30-8-2012 19:52
用阿Q精神保持乐观。

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 30-8-2012 19:57
标题: 回复 #8 妮南的帖子
Dear, that is not a Q ...but a real positive attitude for life

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 4-9-2012 09:05
8种方法打败生活中的敌人

We all face ill-wishers, when we set goals and begin to reach them, no matter at what stage we are now: sceptics, critics, people who taunt us or say that we won't succeed in what we do.
当我们设定了目标并开始去实现的时候，不论我们目前处于哪个阶段，我们都会遇到幸灾乐祸的人：有的人持怀疑态度，有的大肆批评，有的则奚落我们，或者预言我们在所做的事情上不会成功。

Such people are a very powerful force, because even with "innocent" jokes and comments they can make you slow down or even stop moving towards your goals.
此类人具有超强的影响力，因为即便说了些"毫无恶意的"玩笑和话语，他们就能让你放慢甚至停下向目标前进的脚步。

How to deal with ill-wishers? Of course, they are all different, but here are a few good general tips:
如何应对幸灾乐祸的人呢？当然，他们各不相同，但是我们总结了以下几条应对一般情况的建议：

1.First, learn to identify them.
1.首先，学会认清他们。

Sometimes we just do not realize that someone is our ill-wisher. They can be close friends or family members, so when they say negative things, we often believe them and take them to heart. You should remember that there is a big difference between realists and sceptics. Learn to listen to what others say, and note your reaction. If that upsets you and makes you feel depressed, then probably these people are your ill-wishers.
有时我们只是意识不到某个人是希望我们不幸的人。他们可能是我们的挚友或家人，所以当他们说一些消极的话语时，我们通常会相信他们，把他们的话放在心上。你应该记住，现实主义者和怀疑论者是有很大区别的。学会倾听他人的话语，并注意你自己的反应。如果他们的话让你生气，让你感到沮丧，那么大概这些人就是希望你不幸的人。

2.Think maybe they are right.
2.思考一下或许他们是对的。
As was mentioned above, sometimes they are just trying to be realistic. They may have good reasons for their negative attitude. Take a step back and think objectively why they have doubts and see a real obstacle, and if so, then try to figure out how to overcome it. If you really want to reach your goal, you will find a solution. If your ill-wishers are certainly wrong, just move on.
如上所述，有时他们只不过试图现实一些。他们或许有很好的理由来说明自己消极的态度。退一步，客观地思考一下为什么他们有疑虑，认清真正的阻碍。如果真是如此，那么努力找到战胜阻碍的方法。如果你真的想实现你的目标，那么你就会找到解决办法。如果幸灾乐祸的人确实是错了，那你就继续前进吧。

3.Reject any negative thoughts they bring.
3.不接受他们带来的任何消极思想。
Enemies will always try to bring to you their negative thoughts, which can raise doubts about your rightness. Then it can grow and affect the way you feel about your goals. Stop these negative thoughts as soon as possible! Replace them with positive beliefs. Do not let them beat you!
敌人总是会试图将他们的消极思想带给你，这些思想会让你怀疑自己是否正确，然后会慢慢影响你对自己的目标的感觉。尽快摆脱这些消极的思想吧！让积极的信念取而代之。不要让它们打败你！

4.Understand that you will always have enemies, and don't take them to heart.
4.懂得你总是会有敌人，不要把他们放在心上。
In everyone's life there is at least one enemy. You cannot avoid seeing them but you can avoid listening to them. Just smile and do not pay attention to their words. They will not be able to affect you if you ignore their words.
在每个人的一生中，至少会有一个敌人出现。你不可避免会看到他们，但是你可以避免听信他们。只用微笑面对，不要在意他们的话语。如果你忽略他们的话，他们就不会影响到你。

5.Try to win them over.
5.努力把敌人争取过来。
Sometimes ill-wishers are your close people and you can't ignore them. If so, it is better to enlist the help of these people, rather than fight them. Try to do it as soon as possible. Tell them that it is very important to you, and you need their help. Tell them that you understand their concerns, but you really need a positive attitude and support. If they are your close people who care about you, they will become your best allies.
有时候，幸灾乐祸的人就是跟你很亲密的人，你不能忽视他们。如果是这样，最好就是谋取这些人的帮助，而不是同他们斗争。尽快去争取他们。告诉他们这对你很重要，你需要他们的帮助。告诉他们你了解他们的担忧，但是你真的需要积极的态度和支持。如果他们是和你关系亲密、关心你的人，他们会变成你最好的盟友。

6.Laugh with them.
6.跟他们一起笑。
Sometimes people feel uncomfortable when you take some changes and in order to get rid of this discomfort, they come up with different jokes and begin to taunt you. They just do not know how else to react. Be aware of this and just laugh. If you take their words as nothing more but just a good joke, it disarms them. They can continue making jokes at you, but it won't longer affect you if you'll just laugh at them.
当你做出一些改变时，有时人们会感到不安。为了消除这种不安，他们会讲许多笑话开始奚落你。他们只是不知道其他人会是如何反应。要注意这一点，而且只管笑吧。他们会继续拿你开玩笑，但是如果你只是随着他们一起笑的话，这将不再影响你。

7.Have ready-made counter-arguments and use them.
7.用现成的论点反驳他们。
Sometimes people are just misinformed about what is happening. They may misunderstand what you are doing. Think on all their arguments and prepare your counter-arguments. Conduct your small research and justify the correctness of your actions. Then try to "enlighten" your ill-wishers. If you do it correctly, with a positive and sincere attitude, you can manage to make a person listen to you, and perhaps even change his opinion. If you fail, then at least you will be much better informed about their arguments and won't let them give birth to doubts in your head.
有时候，人们只不过是被误传了正在发生的事情。他们可能误解了你当前做的事情。思量一下他们的所有论点，准备好反驳的话语。小范围地进行一下研究，证明你的行为是恰当的。然后努力"开导"那些幸灾乐祸的人。如果你的做法恰当，带着积极、诚恳的态度，你就能成功地让人听信你，甚至能改变他的观点。如果你失败了，那么至少你更好地了解了他们的观点，不会让他们使你的大脑再生疑虑。

8.Be sure that you are doing something good.
8.肯定你做的事情是好事。
Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. You can't convince them, you can't avoid them, you can't laugh with them… Therefore, you should just ignore them and continue telling yourself that when you reach your goal, it will be a reward for enduring these people.
有时候你对敌人也是束手无策。你不能说服他们，不能躲避他们，不能跟他们一起笑……因此，你应该忽视他们，不断地告诉自己当你实现了自己的目标，这将是对忍耐这些人的回报。
Remember that enemies will always exist in your life. But they are just an additional obstacle on the way towards your goal. If you look for solutions, you can defeat them or make them your allies.
记住，敌人总是存在于你的生活中。但是他们只不过是你实现目标的道路上的额外障碍。如果你去寻找解决方法，你就能打败他们，或者让他们成为你的盟友。

作者: 金鱼和农夫 时间: 4-9-2012 09:13

作者: xiaoping410 时间: 5-9-2012 02:00
本帖最后由 xiaoping410 于 3-1-2015 23:29 编辑

是LZ翻译的吗？翻的真好！o(∩_∩)o...

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 6-9-2012 09:09
生活的五堂课

I believe these lessons will add to your life. Without further ado, here are the 5 lessons that life has taught me at 30 years of age.
我相信这些经验会对你的生活有益。事不宜迟，来看一下这三十年里，生活所教给我的这五堂课吧。

1.Marry Well
1.美满的婚姻

In the movie "Shallow Hal," Jack Black's character "Hal" was cheated on by his girlfriend. Of course, he was very sad given this situation. His friend tried to comfort him by telling him, "You didn't know she was bad." To which Hal replied, "I knew she wasn't good."
在电影《庸人哈尔》中，杰克·布莱克扮演的哈尔，他的女友对他不忠。当然遇到这种事情他很伤心。他的朋友想安慰他，说："你知道她不是个坏女孩。" 哈尔回答说："我知道她不是好女孩。"

It's critical that you pursue relationships with individuals who are "good," first. Don't let your primary criteria be cuteness or coolness. You only want to get married once, so it's critical that you marry the right person. Marry someone who you can fall in love with several times over, because they're so good.
谈恋爱时，首先要考虑对方的人品，这是相当关键的。不要把择偶的标准设为可爱或酷。你只想结一次婚，所以和适合你的人结婚是非常重要的。找一个你能多次相恋的好人结婚吧。

2.Take Care of Your Body
2.保养好自己的身体

Life is "unfairly" biased towards people who "look good," like it or not. So it's important that you do all that is in your power to look your best. And by "doing all that is in your power" I mean dressing nicely, working out and eating right.
不管你喜欢与否，生活总是"不公平"地偏向于看起来状态好的人。所以尽可能地让自己看起来处在最棒的状态，这是非常重要的，这里是指穿着得体、锻炼身体并健康饮食。

You will live longer, and you will live happier, if you take care of your body; you may even get promoted faster on your job. Research shows that people who take good care of their body are perceived to be better workers.
如果你能把身体保养好，你会更加长寿，并生活得更加快乐；你甚至能更快地升职加薪。研究表明，人们认为能保养好身体的人通常工作也会更加出色。

And if that's not enough to motivate you, remember that your health is really your greatest wealth.
如果这些还不能激励你的话，请记住健康是你最大的财富。

3.Save Your Money
3.存钱

While I believe in having nice things, I'm a greater believer in paying yourself first.
虽然我想拥有美好的东西，但我相信把钱存下来会更好。

No one taught me to save when I was growing up, no one told me the importance of saving, fortunately I was able to learn the value of saving through reading great books like "The Millionaire Next Door." I want to teach others what I was not taught when I was young, and that message is to save at least twenty percent of your income. If you are to be wealthy, you must not just earn a lot, you must save a lot.
在我成长的过程中，没人教我攒钱，也没人告诉我攒钱的重要性。幸运的是，我从像《隔壁的百万富翁》这样的书中学到了存钱的重要性。我想把我年轻时所不知道的这条信息告诉你：至少把收入的20%积攒起来。如果你想变得富有，你不仅要能赚钱，而且还得会攒钱。

4.Think Long-term
4.长远打算

In high school I was thinking about college, in college I was thinking about life after college. In my teens, I was thinking about 20's, in my 20's, I was thinking about my 30s. Now that I'm 30, I'm planning how my life will be in my 40's. I'm designing my life and I'm making decisions today that will enable me to live the life I desire when I'm in my 40's, 50's and 60's.
上高中时，我在想着上大学的事情，在大学里我想着毕业后的生活；十几岁时我想着20岁的事情，20多岁时我想着30岁的事情。现在我已经30了，我在计划着40岁的生活。我正在设计我的人生，今天我所做的决定会让我在40岁、50岁、60岁时过上想过的生活。

You have to think long-term, you have to see the "big picture." If you plan your future properly, you will live into your plans.
你得长远打算，看到自己的"蓝图"。如果你对未来的计划得当，你会生活在计划中。

5.Realize the Power of Focus
5.意识到专注的魔力

Focus, focus, focus… Nothing is more critical than focus. If you fail in this lifetime, you will fail because of broken focus.
关注，关注，还是关注……没有什么比集中注意力更重要的了。如果你的一生很失败，那是因为你没有集中注意力。

If you focus on the goals that are most important to you, to the exclusion of everything else, you will achieve them.
如果你把注意力集中到对你最重要的目标上，排除其他的一切事情，你就会实现目标。

The problem is that there are so many distractions. What separates the winners from the losers is that the winners learn to focus on their goal. Winners decide to major on majors, and they even let important things slip, because they focus solely on achieving that which is critical to their goals.
问题就在于干扰太多。胜者和败者的区别在于，胜者学会专注于他们的目标。胜者下决心把注意力集中在主要的目标上，他们甚至会放弃重要的事情，因为他们只是专注于对他们目标关键的事情。

Focus is the key to success, Tony Robbins said, "Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all of our resources on mastering a single area of our lives."
集中注意力是取得成功的关键，托尼·罗宾斯说过，"大部分人都不知道，当我们把所有的资源都集中在生活的某一领域内，我们所能获得的那种巨大的能力。"

You have an enormous capacity to accomplish great things, the question is will you do it, will you focus, will you succeed.
你有着巨大的能力来完成伟大的事情，只要你肯做，只要你集中精力，你就会成功。

作者: yearshappy 时间: 7-9-2012 18:39

原帖由 KYLIE2008 于 6-9-2012 09:09 发表

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生活的五堂课

I believe these lessons will add to your life. Without further ado, here are the 5 lessons that life has taught me at 30 years of age.
我相信这些经验会对你的生活有益。事不宜迟，来看一 ...

Let me sum up

Healthy marriage
Well-cared body
20% more saving of your income
Think ahead and plan ahead
Focus, Focus and Focus

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 7-9-2012 20:14

一块学习

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 10-9-2012 09:03
Teens and video games: How much is too much?

The gamer community had a near-miss this week in Ohio, when a 15-year-old boy collapsed after playing "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" for up to five days straight.

The Columbus teen was rushed to the hospital with

severe dehydration, where he recovered, according to a report from TV station WCMH on Aug. 7.

Players who delve too deeply into their electronic worlds can face various health risks, ranging from deep vein thrombosis, or blood clots, to severe dehydration.

For instance, in July, a Taiwanese teenager was found dead after sitting for 40 hours in an Internet cafe playing " Diablo 3." At the time, doctors speculated he died from a heart attack caused by a blood clot that formed during the long session.

And last summer, a 20-year-old man from the U.K. died from a blood clot after spending 12-hour sessions on his Xbox. His father told "The Sun" newspaper, "He lived for his Xbox. I never dreamed he was in any danger." [ 10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction]

While these are extreme cases, they are a reminder that sitting at a computer or console for days, whether it's for "World of Warcraft" or for work, isn't healthy for anyone. But psychologists who study video games and kids say parents needn't worry about the amount of time spent gaming, unless screen time starts to affect school, health or social life. (And, of course, a stint of tens of hours gaming is likely to negatively affect schoolwork and lead to social woes.) That said, researchers remain concerned about the effects of

violent content in video games, which have been linked by many studies to aggressive behavior.

Too much screen time?

These days, screens of one kind or another occupy youth for 50 hours a week, a 2010 survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation reports. "It's a full-time job plus 10 hours of overtime, and that's the average, " said Douglas Gentile, a psychologist and director of the Media Research Lab at Iowa State University.

Video-gaming consumed nine weekly hours for teens, the Kaiser survey found, while a Harris Poll conducted for Gentile during the same period reported 13 hours a week spent gaming on computers and consoles.

While some kids can shoot 'em up for hours, for others, too much time gaming leads to poor school performance. Recent studies have finally linked the cause and effect, showing that gaming displaces after-school academic activities such as homework and reading. A 2010 study from researchers at Denison University in Ohio, published in the journal Psychological Science, compared two groups of boys that had never owned gaming systems. They gave one group a system right away, but withheld games from the other group for four months. Boys who received the video-game system first had more teacher-reported learning problems and

significantly lower reading and writing scores

than the other boys.

Problems in school are relatively easy for parents to fix:

Limit screen time

— of course, if you can get the controller out of his or her hands. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than one to two hours per day in front of any electronics.

Violent games and aggression

What's harder to control is violent content in video games. The Pew Research Center reported in 2008 that more than 90 percent of games rated as appropriate for children 10 years or older contained violence, including games rated "E" for everyone. (Most researchers define violence as the ability of a player to intentionally harm others in a game.)

Now most researchers will agree that video games can help as well as harm. For example, educational games boost learning, and action games can

improve vision and spatial skills. Video games have also been used successfully to teach children self-care skills for asthma and diabetes.

And then there's the primary reason people play video games: They're relaxing. Gentile thinks the flickering screen and varying sound levels trigger a primitive brain response. "One of the reasons I think we find television and video games so relaxing is they provide the attention for you. It forces you to orient to the media. You don't have to work to pay attention like you do in [a] classroom lecture, " said Gentile.

But a preponderance of evidence links violent video games to an increase in aggressive behavior in teens. The behavior wasn't violent crime, like school shootings, but small yet hurtful offenses like teasing, name-calling, rumor-spreading and fist fights. In a review of 130 studies of kids and teens, Iowa State University researchers found that violent video games increased the likelihood of aggression and decreased empathy. The meta-analysis appeared in 2010 in the journal Psychological Bulletin. [ 5 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion in Your Teen]

Which teens are vulnerable?

Of course, repeated exposure to violence in any environment has a deleterious effect, Gentile noted. "Seeing violence anywhere increases the risks that a child might become involved in aggression, whether as a perpetrator or a victim, " he said. But video games are phenomenal teachers. Players get immediate feedback and rewards for punishing competitors. And not only do games reward hostility, they train your brain to respond to real-life problems with aggression, research indicates.

In fact, games can prime teens to react to slights with name-calling or pushing, instead of choosing to avoid confrontation. "So when I get bumped in the hallway, I don't assume it's an accident anymore, " explained Gentile. "What comes to mind first is to retaliate in some way. Those aren't the only options you have, but we never think of them because what we see over and over in the media is 'You killed my monster, now you must die.'"

But psychologist Patrick Markey's research suggests just some teens are susceptible to these effects. Markey found people with certain personality traits — those who are highly neurotic, less agreeable and less conscientious — are those more likely to become hostile from gaming. The 2010 study appeared in the journal Review of General Psychology.

"The truth of the matter is that most people can handle this media, but for some people with a select predisposition, these people might be a little more aggressive, more prone to an argument here and there, " said Markey, a professor at Villanova University in Pennsylvania.

"The most interesting part is there is really no research that suggests video games have a different effect than TV or movies. It has empirically never been shown, " said Markey. "Any media is supposed to engage us emotionally, and video games are a form of media, a form of art even."

http://www.foxnews.com/health/20 ... w-much-is-too-much/

[ 本帖最后由 KYLIE2008 于 10-9-2012 09:05 编辑 ]

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 10-9-2012 09:04
青少年与电子游戏：是否过度沉溺？

俄亥俄州的一个电子游戏玩家在本周险些命丧黄泉，该男孩今年15岁，晕倒前曾连续五天通宵达旦玩游戏《现代战争3之使命召唤》。据8月7日WCMH电台报道，这个来自哥伦布的男孩因为严重脱水被火速送往医院抢救，之后得到康复。

过度沉溺于网络世界的玩家可能会遭遇各种健康危害：从深静脉血栓形成，血栓到严重脱水等。例如，7月3日，一名台湾籍青少年被发现猝死家中，死前曾坐在一家网络咖啡屋中连续玩黑暗破坏神3长达40个小时。据当时的医生推断，该男孩死于心脏病，是游戏期间形成的血栓诱发的。

另外，去年夏天，香港一名二十岁男性在其游戏机前打了12个小时游戏后因为诱发血栓而死亡。其父亲告诉太阳报记者，“他为游戏而生。可是我却从没想到过他有任何的危险。”

虽然以上都是个别极端案列，但是他们给了广大群众一个提醒：无论是因为《现代战争》还是为了工作在电脑或游戏机前坐数日对于每个人的健康都是不利的。然而研究视频游戏与孩子关系的心理学家们却告诉父母们对无需担心孩子们打游戏的时间过长，除非这个事情开始对学业有消极影响，甚至导致了社会悲剧。（当然了，长时间的游戏有可能对学业造成负面影响甚至导致社会悲剧。）换句话说，研究者们仍然更多地关心视频游戏中暴力内容的影响，在很多研究中已经将此与青少年的攻击行为联系起来。

过多的时间打游戏？

最近，由凯撒家庭基金会组织的一项2010年调查报告显示，青少年每周花费50小时玩一种或另一种游戏。“这相当于一份全职工作外加十个小时的加班，这还仅仅是平均数”，道格拉斯.金泰尔如此说道，他是爱荷华州立大学媒体研究实验室的心理学家兼主任。

凯撒调查发现青少年要每周要花费九个小时打游戏，而同一时期为金泰尔做的一项哈里斯民意调查却发现每周在电脑前和游戏机前打游戏的时间是13个小时。

有的孩子们花好几个小时玩《赶尽杀绝》，而对于其他的孩子而言，花太多时间玩游戏则会导致学业受影响，最近的研究显示打游戏代替了很多课后学习活动，例如家庭作业和课外阅读，最终将因果关联起来了。俄亥俄州丹尼森大学研究者们的一项2010年的调查对比两组从未接触游戏的男孩子，该调查发表在心理科学杂志上。研究者们立刻给第一组男孩游戏，而暂缓了四个月才给第二组。结果据老师报道，率先得到游戏的男孩在学习上遇到很多问题，阅读和写作的得分比另一组低很多。对于家长而言，学习的问题相对而言比较好解决：控制游戏时间就可以，因为你可以直接从他或她的手中拿走遥控器。美国小儿科医学会给出建议：每天打任何电子游戏的时间不得超过一个到两个小时。

暴力游戏与侵略行为

视频游戏更难掌控的部分是其暴力成分。2008年，据皮尤研究中心报道，适于十岁及以上儿童的游戏中，百分之九十都包含有暴力内容，适于所有人群的级别为E的游戏也是如此。（大多数研究员认为游戏中玩家故意伤害他人的行为称之为暴力。）

然而，现在大多数的研究员将会认同游戏有害也能益智的观点。比如，教育类游戏可以帮助学习，而动作游戏则能提高孩子们的视觉与空间技能。而且视频游戏也能成功地教会孩子们应对哮喘与糖尿病自我护理的技巧。

而且人们玩游戏的主要原因是为了放松。金泰尔认为忽闪忽现的屏幕和变幻莫测的声音能触动大脑的原始反应。他说，“我认为电视和视频游戏能让人们放松的原因之一是他们能让我们集中注意力。它迫使你适应媒体，但你无需像上课听讲一样专注。

然而大部分证据都显示了暴力视频游戏与青少年侵略行为上升趋势的联系。他们的行为不同于校园枪杀案那样的犯罪行为，而是一些小规模的伤害和侮辱，如，嘲弄，谩骂，传播谣言甚至拳脚相向。2010年，爱荷华州立大学研究者们针对130名儿童和青少年做了一项调查，其结果发表于心理学公报，该结果显示暴力视频游戏提高了攻击行为和同情心降低的可能性。

哪些青少年容易受影响？

在任何一种环境下，长时间暴露于暴力中肯定是有负面影响的。金泰尔这样写道：“在任何地方看见暴力都会增加儿童可能卷入攻击行为的可能性，无论是行凶者还是受害者。”而且视频游戏是非常有效的老师。玩家得到立刻反馈而且会因为惩罚竞争对手而得到报酬。调查显示，游戏给敌对战争者报酬，同时也训练人们的大脑以攻击行为反馈现实中的问题。

事实上，游戏让青少年遇到任何小的麻烦都以谩骂让事情变得更糟糕，而不是选择避免冲突。因此当我在走道里颠簸，而不再认为是一场事故，首先映入我脑海的是以某种方式报复。虽然那些并不是你的唯一选择，但是我们从未想过选择其他方式，因为我们在媒体上一遍又一遍看到的是，“你杀死了我的魔兽，现在你必须死掉。”

但是心理学家帕特里克.马基的研究认为只有部分青少年容易受影响。马基发现具有某种人格特征的人对游戏非常敏感，不太和蔼，不太谨慎，他们更容易因为游戏变得暴力。这项2010年调查结果发表在普通心理学评论上。

马基是宾夕法尼亚州维拉诺瓦大学的教授，他说道，“事情的真相是多数人有能力处理这种媒介，但是对于某些具有选择性倾向的人而言，他们会稍微有些容易好斗，更容易到处与人争论。”

他还说道“最有趣的部分是尚未有调查显示视频游戏的影响不同于电视或电影。之前的经验也未曾显示这点。任何媒介都从情感的角度来吸引我们，而视频游戏只是一种媒介而已，甚至可以说是一种艺术。”

http://xue.youdao.com/article.z? ... p;keyfrom=PopWindow

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-9-2012 09:06
10 ways science explains why James Bond is so irresistible to women

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Bond is supremely confident. This makes him sexy. It also makes him great at his job; being overconfident often gives better results than being objective and rational. (We'd all be better off moderately overconfident.) Neither men or women prefer modest guys. Bond has the personality of a trained man of action: SWAT team members differed from the average person by being extremely confident ("self-deceptive enhancement"), more emotionally stable and more resilient.

007 is almost always calm. (Maybe that's due to all the sex.) Even when people are trying to kill him he's calm. This is sexy. Bond doesn't move unnecessarily. You never see his knee bouncing or hands fidgeting. He speaks slowly and deliberately and is rarely rushed. These are all very charismatic qualities. He has the unflinching eye contact of a predator -- and this increases the chance women will fall in love with him. 007 doesn't gush over girls and show his feelings. He keeps them guessing and uncertainty increases attraction. Bond doesn't smile much and this too makes him sexy because happiness isn't alluring in men. His body language is commanding and he's not afraid to take up space, which is very masculine and appealing. 007 doesn't ramble on and this too is smooth. Bond never slouches. Good posture increases confidence, feelings of power and makes you physically tougher. (Which works out well when you want to look classy in your tuxedo while battling machete wielding evil minions.)

There's generally booze wherever 007 goes and alcohol does lead to sex. Liking alcohol was the biggest indicator of who has sex on the first date.

Bond has a keen eye for who to trust and who not to. This quality is frequently seen in sexually open-minded people, actually. 007 can tell when a lady is into him. And science agrees: handsome men are the best at identifying who is attracted to them.

Bond has it all and that's exactly what the most beautiful women demand in the men they date. Women who really enjoy sex prefer "bad boys" -- and there's no doubt 007 qualifies. Feminine women prefer masculine men. And for one night stands women look for physical attractiveness and dominance -- which Bond has in spades.

All the Bond actors have been tall. This isn't a coincidence. A man who is five foot six needs to earn $175,000 a year more a year to be as attractive as a man who is six feet tall. A lot of people commented on Daniel Craig's buff physique in Casino Royale. Once again the depiction clicks with the research: muscular men have more one night stands and you can tell how many women a guy has slept with by the size of his arms. That chiseled torso may mean he's a better lover.

The Aston Martin doesn't hurt. Not at all. Neither does dropping tons of cash at exotic casinos -- throwing money around makes men more attractive to women who are interested in flings. And, like Bond, men who gamble with women around are better at it.

Bond is by no means a comedian but he knows the power of a well-timed one liner. Women are attracted to funny men because humor is a sign of intelligence. You can even predict how many women a man has slept with by how funny he is.

Bond has been attacked in innumerable ways and survived everything. Of course, this is because he's fictional. It is interesting to note that research shows masculine men are hardier. In fact, being un-masculine can be lethal for males. (Maybe it's all those orgasms keeping him alive. I doubt he'll die of a heart attack or prostate cancer.)

Women fall for him because he's exciting to be around and this plays a much larger part in a relationship than most think. It's the key to a great first date. Even the femme fatales assigned to kill Bond fall for him. But studies show this isn't surprising at all. 007's character has frequently been accused of being sexist. This is probably true -- and only serves to make him that much more attractive to the ladies.

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-9-2012 09:08
邦德魅力：俘获女性的10大秘诀

1、超级自信。邦德的超级自信让他不仅更加性感，而且工作更出色。与理性和客观相比，多一些自信往往收获更多（自负时人人感觉都不错）。无论男女都不喜欢谦逊的人。邦德有着实干家的品质：作为特种部队成员，他与普通人不同，具有非凡的自信（又称“自欺性提高”），并且情绪更稳定、更富弹性。

2、冷静自若。007总是很平静。（对男女来说都有用）。即便是在死到临头的时候，也很冷静。这就是性感啊。邦德从不慌张失措。你没见过邦德腿发软手发抖吧。他讲话时语速慢而谨慎，从不乱阵脚。这些都是极富魅力的品质，遭遇劲敌面不改色-这很容易让女人心动不已。他从不向女人表白个不停，就让她们猜不透，搞不懂，这样更加有吸引力。邦德不常微笑也为他的性感加分，因为有幸福感的男人吸引不了女人。007的肢体语言很强势，阳刚血性，从不畏惧；007从不喋喋不休，让他更加优雅；007从不懒散，挺拔的体姿不仅增加自信心，还有力量感，看起来更强壮（身着燕尾服与恶棍搏斗看起来更有档次）。

3、美酒佳人。邦德走到哪里喝到哪里，美酒的确能帮他俘获佳人。喜欢喝一杯的人最容易在第一次约会时就抱得美人归。

4、慧眼识香。邦德眼光敏锐，能辨认出孰敌孰友。这种品质常见于性开放者。007很容易识出对他有意的女人，有科学证明，帅哥往往擅长于此。

5、邦德具备美女约会种种要求。乐衷于性的女人更喜欢“坏男人”-邦德属于此类。讲究的女人喜欢阳刚男人，寻求一夜情的女人喜欢外型帅气、主动进攻的男人-非邦德莫属。

6、所有扮演邦德的演员都是高个子，这不是巧合。身高1.6的男人每年要多赚175000英镑才能与身高1.8的男人媲美。很多人欣赏丹尼尔在《皇家赌场》的魁梧身材。科学研究证明，肌肉男有更多的一夜情，从一个男人的臂围可以看出他与多少女人风流过，魁梧身段就意味着他是个不错的情人。

7、阿斯顿·马丁必须有。不止如此，还要在异国情调的赌场里挥金如土——一掷千金的男人很能吸引寻欢中的女性。常与女性周旋的邦德更擅长于此。

8、邦德并不是个喜剧演员但他懂得合适的时候来点小幽默。女性很容易被有趣的男人吸引，因为幽默标志着智慧。可以这么讲，一个人多有趣，可以来推断他与多少女人风流过。

9、邦德经历风险无数却总能死里逃生。当然，人物本身是虚构的。有意思的是，研究证明，肌肉男更皮实。实际上，肌肉不发达对男性来说，可能很要命。（可能就是发达的肌肉让他得以活命的吧，我怀疑他会死于心脏病或前列腺癌）。

10、因为与邦德在一起很有趣，女人往往会迷上他，这在人际关系中很重要，也是很多首次约会一拍即合的秘诀。甚至派去杀他的女特工也会爱上他。研究证明，这也不奇怪，007的形象常被批成大男子主义，也许不错--但是，只能让他在女人面前的魅力有增无减。

作者: yearshappy 时间: 3-10-2012 19:07
Haven't seen the movie yet

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 14-11-2012 08:03
标题: 7招将朋友变成恋人
　Stuck in the 'friend zone' with that special someone who you wish could see you in a more romantic light? Here's a simple insight into getting that someone of your interest, interested.

　　是不是跟那个自己希望能共度浪漫时光的人还处在“朋友阶段”？下面就教你如何让心仪的人对你来电。

　　1. Be Patient.

This individual who has been your friend, is not going to overnightfall magically in love with you with no matter what advances you make. Don't assume because you're good friends, she will believe you can be a good lover to her by just upfront telling her, you have to subtly reveal it to her. Remember you first have to stack the odds in your favour first before you can go for the kill.

　　耐心。

甭管你多么优秀，这个人既然是你的朋友，就不太可能突然莫名其妙爱上你。别想当然以为，既然你俩是朋友，只要你直接向她坦白她就愿意接受；相反，你应该潜移默化地让她明白你的心。为避免碰壁，还是先从对自己有利的小事做起吧。

　　2. Carry on being a good friend.

Don't just stop all friendly things with her and become this new flirty guy. You'll creepher out and lose her friendship.

　　继续保持亲密的朋友关系。

千万别光顾了要成为恋人而忘了要朋友，这样你不仅可能吓到她，还会损失友情。

　　3. Be Bold.

This is probably the reason why you got stuck in the friend zone in the first place. Let her know how amazing you think she is (but don't overkill it), live in the moment, when you’re out compliment her on her physical features, for example "You always look great, but tonight you're figure in that dress...... simply flawless."

　　勇敢点。

也许正是因为缺乏勇气，你俩才会从一开始就只是朋友关系。请告诉她你是多么欣赏她（但别夸大其辞），赞美此时此刻的她。比如当你俩在一起时，夸夸她的外貌，说：“你总是这么漂亮，今晚穿这身裙子简直无可挑剔哇！”

　　4. Flirt more.

Start flirting a little more. Learn the art of kino, touch her more, especially when flirting. But don't just flirt with her, flirt with other women especially in her presence (don't overkill though), let her see other women desire you, in doing this you are leveling the playing field, allow her to think you're interested in other women, it displays confidence, she'll respect you.

　　讲点俏皮情话。

多跟她调调情吧。你可以学电影里的样子，跟她俏皮嬉笑、拉手搭肩。但也别只跟她一个人调笑，也逗逗其他女人，尤其是当着她的面（别太过分就是），让她知道还有别的女人仰慕你；如此你掌控了这场爱情游戏，使她以为你也喜欢其他女人，其实你也还挺有魅力嘛。然后，她就会用心对你喽。

　　5. Go for the kill.

By now you are ready to ask her out on a date. The best way to do this, ask her out at an event where you're likely to be a very important figure in the room, for example, your birthday party. Take her outside or somewhere quiet, where the two of you can be alone, pull her in close, look her dead in the eye and say, "Would you like to go out some time?" She'll know its not on a friendship term.

　　拿出行动。

关系发展到这个阶段，你就可以跟她约会了。最好带她一起参加能让你显得比较重要的活动，比如你的生日派对。带她到外面或安静点的地方，就你和她，然后拉过她、看着她的眼睛，说：“愿不愿意什么一起出去玩玩？”她定能意会到友谊之外的情意。

　　6. Get physical early.

You need to get out that friend zone and the best way is to get intimate. When you go out hold her hand, put your arms around her and read her body language, if she’s not pulling away she’s comfortable with you.

　　亲密接触。

若想跨越朋友阶段，最好的办法就是亲密接触。俩人约会的时候，牵着她的手，搂着她的腰，留意她的反应；要是她没推开你，说明她也喜欢与你这样亲密接触哦。

　　7. If you're close with her, hint that you like them or straight out tell them.

Most of the time they will feel the same way, even if they don't want to admit it because some people are afraid of losing a great friendship. But most of the time a great friendship is a great relationship. It's just the transition between the two and the fear of losing the friendship that usually gets in the way.

　　如果你跟她很亲密，直接暗示你喜欢她，要么干脆表白吧。

有时候她或许跟你想的一样，只是担心表白了就做不成朋友才嘴上不承认而已。有时候友谊也能成就一段爱情，横隔在中间的只是俩人的姿态和对失去友情的担忧罢了。

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 14-11-2012 08:07
Tips

　　贴士建议：

　　Note that most relationships start out as friends.

　　记住：很多恋人一开始也是从朋友做起的。

　　Maybe suggest going out some time to see his/her reaction...

　　或许你可以试着约他/她出去玩，看看反应如何……

　　Just be casual and subtle, because if you all of a sudden change your behaviour you may freak them out, they like you for you so don't be someone else.

　　当然要做得随意自然，要是突然转变姿态，你可能会吓到他/她。他们喜欢你是因为你的个性，所以你不必刻意转变。

　　Remember to actually talk to them, though even if they deny liking you they may be shy...actions speak louder than words so watch their body language.

　　请实打实地向他/她敞开心扉，或许他/她会否认喜欢你，但也说不定是因为害羞呢……事实胜于雄辩，还是多留意留意他/她的反应吧。

　　THE CLOCK TEST: If you feel like he or she's been watching you, suddenly look at the clock then quickly look at him/her. If they're looking at the clock then it's because they were watching you and following your eyes is a natural reflex to a sudden change of movement.

　　时钟测试：要是你感到他/她在看你，那就试试突然抬头看钟然后又转头看他/她。如果他/她也抬头看钟，说明他/她刚才确实在看你。要知道，跟着你的视线走是突然动作的最自然不过的反应了。

　　Compliment him/her often. For things you actually like, the reasons why you like being his/her friend.

　　多多地赞美他/她。实打实地告诉他/她你喜欢什么，告诉他/她你为什么喜欢跟他/她做朋友吧。

作者: yearshappy 时间: 14-11-2012 19:46
Are you falling in love with anyone, Kylie?

hahaaaaa

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 15-11-2012 22:50
标题: 回复 #23 yearshappy 的帖子

Emotionally, i am not a sensitive person...

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:12
标题: 5 Ways to Instantly Appear More Confident
Today I’m going to teach how you to appear more confident.

Why? Because confidence is one of the most important skills in life that you can acquire (other than learning to use the Force, obviously).

Now, I’m not teaching you this stuff just so you can become some sleazy pickup artist. I’m teaching you because I know how important even a little bit of confidence can be in everyday situations, whether it’s negotiating with your boss for a raise, buying a car, giving a presentation, or meeting your fiance’s parents.

We’re naturally attracted to and will have our opinions swayed by those who have (or appear to have) a lot of confidence. Nerds usually get the short end of the stick in the “naturally confident” department, but that doesn’t mean we can’t acquire it like a new skill, Matrix-style! If you’ve started losing weight, I’m sure part of you still feels like the old you, even if you’ve changed physically – it’s time to take pride in yourself and truly be comfortable in your own skin.

Here are five steps that you can take to start seeing a difference immediately.

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:13
标题: Stop slouching
If you can develop good posture, a trait that always seems to bypass nerds, you’ll appear approximately 145% more confident within seconds (I definitely made up that stat, by the way).

I used to have awful posture through most of my life (which caused lots of lower back pain). It wasn’t until I made a conscious effort to focus on standing up straight and strengthening my lower back that the pain went away.  In order to stay on target, I actually hung a “POSTURE!” post-it on my bedroom door so I wouldn’t forget each morning.  Here’s how you can get started:

Stand up as TALL as you can, like you’re a puppet and somebody just pulled the string that’s attached to the top of your noggin
Pull your shoulder blades down and back as far as possible – This will feel really weird if you spend a lot of time hunched over a desk
Pick your chin up and look straight ahead – stop looking down while walking around, there’s a whole world out there for you to see

If you have trouble pulling your shoulder blades back, try doing two back exercises (say, lat pull downs and dumbbell rows) for every one chest exercise in your workout.  This will build up the muscles in your upper back and allow you to actually pull those shoulder blades back together.  Want something easier?  Try standing with your heels, butt, and head against a wall, and then pull your shoulder blades back until they’re touching the wall too.  Do this daily and increase the length of the stretch each time.

If you spend all day in a chair, try this: sit down in your chair, and then stand back up WITHOUT having to rock forward.  If you have to lean forward even slightly, you’re doing it wrong. Sit straight up like you’re always ready to stand without having to lean forward.  Your lower back will probably get tired as hell sitting like this because it’s not used to the new position – work on it.  Do planks every other day (working your way up to two minutes), and you’ll have a rock-solid core and incredibly strong lower back.

This is probably the hardest step of all, as you’ve probably spent years and years developing poor posture without even thinking about it.  Spend a month making a concerted effort to have better posture however, and you’ll be well on your way to a more confident appearance.  Pretty soon you won’t even have to think about it!

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:14
标题: Slow down
I am terrified of public speaking. Seriously, I hate being in front of even a small crowd.  However, at my old job I was put on stage in front of thousands of people to introduce bands and I sounded like I belonged up there.  You know how I did it?  By taking a deep breath, slowing down, and practicing.  I still get really nervous, but I’ve learned to manage it so well that nobody notices.

What’s the importance of slowing down?  When you get nervous, your voice tends to go up a few notes and you’ll talk faster than you realize.  These are two dead ringers for “scaredy cat.”

I’ll never forget presenting my senior business proposal back in college. About thirty seconds into my presentation – which I thought was going well – I noticed my friend Deepa in the back of the room frantically waiving her arms at me, mouthing “SLOOOWWW DOWNNNN.”  I quickly readjusted my speech, talked WAY slower than I thought I needed to, and took longer breaths between sentences.  She later told me that she couldn’t understand the beginning at all but the rest of it came out perfectly.  The rest of that class was molded by that presentation, so thanks Deepa for saving my ass!

If you get nervous in front of people no matter how big or small the group, talk slower than you think you need to, and don’t forget to breathe.  In your head it might seem way too slow, but out loud it’s just right.

[attach]251279[/attach]

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:15
标题: Smile
People don’t smile enough these days, so we’re bringing it back. When dealing with any situation or scenario where you’re uncomfortable, it’s easy to get caught up in your head, which means you probably have a stupidly sad look on your face. Pretty soon, you’ll develop the reputation of “that creepy guy in the corner who smells like cheese.” Now, if you don’t smell like cheese, you’re already halfway home!

We’ll just work on the other half: smile.

Not a fake smile, not a creepy smile, but a genuine smile.

Don’t know how to smile correctly? Stand in front of a mirror, close your eyes, and look down. Look up, smile, and open your eyes at the same time. See that smile right there? THAT’S a genuine smile. Just like Butters.

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:17
标题: Win the staring contest
Unless you work at home in your underwear and only interact with your cat (my day is way different than that – shut up), you probably have quite a few conversations with people on a daily basis:

Your coworkers at the water cooler
The lady behind the counter at CVS
Your waitress at lunch
Random strangers that you pass on the street.

When was the last time you looked somebody in the eye until THEY looked away first? If you’re like me, you’ve probably always been the first to “flinch.”

I say no more!

Starting right now, you’re going to be the person that doesn’t look away. Think of each interaction as a mini-battle – your eyes against theirs. As long as you’re smiling and blinking, you won’t come across as creepy…unless, of course, you’re actually a creep. If you’ve always been shy, the first few times doing this will be absolutely nerve-wracking – power through it. Once you start to be the non-flincher consistently, you’ll quickly learn that everybody else is nervous as hell too and will quickly look away given enough time.

[attach]251280[/attach]

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:19
标题: Get out of your head
After going through some physical changes, it’s going to take time for you to adjust how you feel on the inside versus how you look on the outside. I sometimes still feel like the 5-foot, 100-pound high-school sophomore with braces even though I haven’t looked like that for over a decade.  I have friends who used to be fat guys who still feel huge even though they have a single digit body fat percentage.

It’s time to stop living inside your head.

If you feel out of place in a situation, everybody around you probably does too. We all have our own insecurities; it’s those of us that can exist outside of our brains and project confidence that usually get what we’re chasing.  As a fellow nerd and chronic over-thinker, I know this is tough to do: stop thinking so damn much and just go for it.

Once you spot somebody you’re interested in, don’t give yourself more than three seconds before approaching him/her.  Anything beyond that will cause you to over-analyze the situation in your head and probably end up doing nothing.  You’ll quickly learn that “if you don’t ask, the answer is always no,” so you have nothing to lose.
Introduce yourself immediately to strangers at a party – get the awkward out of the way immediately, and you’ll come across as cool and collected.
Once you have your speech or presentation prepared, don’t give yourself hours to get nervous – concentrate on something else to occupy your mind until it’s time to present.  Don’t over-think, just follow the plan and talk slowly.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”

I bet those three things listed above seem scary to 95% of the population (they all scare the bajeezus out of me, which is precisely why I force myself to do them).  Part of building confidence is taking risks and having the ability (and the guts) to do stuff that scares you.

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 28-11-2012 08:19
标题: Your mission
As you follow these five steps, you’ll start to appear more confident, which will make some of your encounters more successful, which will instill more confidence in you, which will then make even MORE of your encounters successful, and so on.  Think of your confidence like a giant snowball with lots of inertia – tough to get started, but once it’s rolling the momentum will take over.

Your homework for today - while walking down the street with your head held high, shoulders back, and a big smile on your face, make direct eye contact with at least five strangers that walk by and give them a simple “hi.”  Remember, they have to be the ones to look away first, not you.

The first few times will feel really awkward, but who cares – you’ll never see them again.  As you get more “missions” under your belt, you can progress to other more challenging objectives, like striking up a conversation with a stranger, giving a speech, robbing a bank, etc.

One last thing: with great power comes great responsibility. There is a fine line between having confidence and being cocky – nobody likes the cocky guy who is full of himself, so cool it with the cheesy pick up lines, stories proclaiming your awesomeness, and creepy seduction techniques.  Fear and nervousness are easy to detect, but so is being transparently fake.

Don’t change what you are, just be learn to be more confident in who you are.

So, what tips did I miss or mess up? Any other words of wisdom to pass along?  Us nerds need all the help we can get!

-Steve

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 3-12-2012 08:04
用猎头的方式寻找你的白马王子《华尔街日报》
Choose wisely among lots of men 来源：华尔街日报

      Here's the #1 question I get from women readers: How can I have a successful career and a happy family? Many of these readers already are successful in their careers. What they＊re really asking is how to also have a happy family.
      女性读者向我问得最多的问题是──如何能既拥有成功的事业又拥有幸福的家庭？她们中的很多人已经在事业上获得成功了，她们实际上要问的是如何同时获得一个幸福的家庭。

      This is a very new question for us. For centuries, women's careers were our family. Our career was 'caregiver.' We lived to please our fathers, our husbands, our sons. In return for our service, we received a lifetime guarantee of stability and security.
      对我们女性而言，这是一个非常新的问题。许多世纪以来，女人的职业就是“照顾家人”。我们活着是为了取悦父亲、丈夫以及儿子。我们为他人服务，获得的回报是一生安稳的保障。

      But today that bargain has vanished. We're still doing our part by serving our families. But for many if not most, marriage now is a source of deep insecurity.
      然而，这种“交易”如今已经消失。虽然我们依然在履行照顾家人的职责，但对许多人来说（如果不是大多数人的话），婚姻正成为巨大的不安全感的来源。

      Most young marriages now end in divorce
      大多数年轻人的婚姻如今以离婚告终

      No one enters a marriage thinking, 'Someday we'll hate each other,' but that's been precisely the experience of most of China's born-post-1980 generation. The Ministry of Civil Affairs reports that by 2005, the divorce rate for this generation already had reached 57 percent.

      在步入婚姻殿堂时，没有人会抱着这种想法──“有一天我们会厌恶对方”，但这正是中国大多数80后一代的经历。根据民政部的统计，2005年时，80后的离婚率就已经达到了57%。
      For the first time in Chinese history, a generation of children now is growing up in broken households. Women often suffer greatly during divorce, but at least we can take charge of our lives and move on. Our children, on the other hand, cannot. When divorce occurs, they're victims in the truest sense.

      中国历史上首次出现了在破碎家庭中长大的一代儿童。女性在离婚期间常常遭受巨大的痛苦，但至少我们可以掌控自己的生活然后继续向前。然而，我们的孩子却不能。在离婚事件中，他们才是真正意义上的受害者。
      The impacts on children of divorce can last a lifetime. I happen to know this first-hand, since I was born in America in 1969, and it was in the 1970s that divorce first exploded in America as is happening now in China. My generation was the first to grow up as the children of divorce. While my own parents stayed together, over the years I've seen the impact on my friends of their parents' divorces. Their own divorce rate is exceptionally high. Many have grown up afraid to love and fearful of life's possibilities.

      离婚对孩子的影响可能会持续一生，我恰好对此有直接的了解。我1969年在美国出生，正如中国现在的情况一样，上世纪70年代正是离婚潮首次在美国爆发之时。我们那一代人是第一代成长在离异家庭的孩子。虽然我的父母一直都在一起生活，但那些年我还是目睹了父母离异对一些朋友的影响。后来，他们自己的离婚率也特别高。许多人长大后不敢去爱，惧怕生活中的种种可能。
      Future generations can suffer such cascading impacts even when parents don't divorce but stay together in troubled marriages. Today, half of American young adults whose parents stayed together said they may have been better off if their parents actually had divorced! What a heartbreaking situation for parents and children alike.

      后来的几代人，即便父母没有离婚而是维系着问题重重的婚姻，他们也会遭受这样一连串的影响。如今，父母还在一起的美国年轻人中有一半人声称，要是他们的父母真的离婚了，他们或许会过得更好。这对父母和孩子来说都是令人心碎的境况。

      Women bear most of the costs and risks of parenting
      女性承担抚养孩子的大部分成本与风险

      Compared with previous generations, today's husbands are doing much more of the housework and spending much more time with the kids. And yet we still have a long way to go to achieve equality.
      与以往几代人相比，现在丈夫们做的家务要多得多，而且也花更多时间和孩子呆在一起。即便如此，要实现平等依然还有很长的一段路要走。

      Women still do most of the housework and childrearing. For most, motherhood means we get two full-time jobs rather than one.
      女性依然承担大部分家务和养育孩子的事情。对大多数女性来说，成为母亲就意味著有两份而不是一份全职工作要做。

      So, to women who want both a successful career and a happy family: The only way to 'have it all' is not to try to do it all yourself.
      因此，对于那些想兼顾成功事业与幸福家庭的女性，若想“得到一切”，唯一的方法就是不要凡事都亲自去做。

      Step #1 to achieving a happy family: Marry a man you love, who loves you, who is committed to being your partner, in all aspects of your lives.
      获得幸福家庭的第一步：与一个你爱他、他也爱你，而且他也愿意在各个方面都成为你的伙伴的男人结婚。

      Do not marry just to marry
      不要为了结婚而结婚

      This means that you'll need to push back against society's pressure to hurry up and marry just anyone. When you don't have a boyfriend, they ask 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?' When you have a boyfriend, they ask 'When are you getting married?' When you do get married, it's 'When are you having babies?'
      不为了结婚而结婚，意味着你需要反抗来自社会层面的催婚压力。当你没有男朋友时，别人会问“你怎么没有男朋友？”如果你有男朋友，他们会问“你打算什么时候结婚？”当你已经结婚了，他们又会问“你打算什么时候要孩子？”

      I've seen friends marry for the right reasons, and I've seen friends marry the nearest guy when their alarm clock goes off at the age when they think should be married.
      我见过一些朋友因为正确的原因而结婚，也见过朋友在到了她们认为应当结婚的年龄时，便随便与关系最亲近的男人结了婚。

      In this way, the leftover-woman stigma wreaks havoc with women's lives. It hurries us into marriage-for-the-sake-of-marriage. The inevitable result is a society full of loveless marriages and extramarital affairs, leading us and our children into lives of financial, emotional and spiritual insecurity.
      “剩女”的标签对女性生活造成了巨大的伤害，它催促我们为了结婚而结婚。这不可避免地打造了一个充满无爱婚姻与婚外情的社会，使我们和我们的孩子陷入经济、情感和心理上都不安全的生活状态。

      In defense of Chinese men
      为中国男人辩护

      Recently I was on Beijing TV when a glamorous 40-something Chinese guy informed me that my views on family are unrealistic and un-Chinese. Because, he explained, 40-something Chinese guys only want 20-something women who will idolize them.
      我曾参加北京电视台的一档节目，当时一名富有魅力的40多岁中国男人批评我的家庭观不切实际，不是中国式的观点。他解释说，因为40多岁的中国男人只喜欢把他们视为偶像的20多岁的女孩。

      I disagree with his assessment. To the contrary, my conversations with Chinese men make me optimistic about the future for men and women in China.
      我对他的评判并不认同。相反，我与一些中国男性的谈话让我对中国男性与女性的未来充满乐观。

      While I've met only a small fraction of all the men in China, the men I've met are extraordinarily thoughtful and interesting, and searching for the same things women are. As in: a good life and a wonderful partner with whom to share that life. And children, who are happy and well-prepared for life.
      虽然我只遇见过很少的中国男性，但至少我遇见的这些男性都极有想法，人也有趣，与女性追寻的是同样的东西，比如，美好的生活以及一个与其共享这段生活的伴侣。至于孩子，则希望他们快乐，为未来生活做好准备。

      Are there some Chinese men only interested in being the objects of women's worship? Sure. But if we as women demand mutual respect and partnership, those men eventually will have to come around or be left alone.
      有没有中国男人只对成为女性的崇拜目标感兴趣？当然会有。但是，如果女性要求互相尊重与合作的话，那么这些男性最终也不得不做出改变，否则他就会成为孤家寡人。

      Be a headhunter
      成为一名猎头

      Most men are cautious about marriage. They're afraid of being trapped with the wrong partner. So today, we have a system where men do the choosing, and women wait, hope, and sometimes, scheme, to be chosen. But since women bear most of the risks of marriage and parenting, we need to be at least as cautious as men.
      大多数男人都对婚姻持谨慎态度，他们害怕被错误的人生伴侣所困。当今的情况是，进行选择的是男人，而女人只是等待。不过，由于女性承担着婚姻与养育孩子的大部分风险，我们至少应该像男人一样谨慎。

      Become a headhunter for your Mr. Right. This analogy is close to me because for seven years, I worked as a professional headhunter, finding CEOs and other top executives for global companies. And the funny thing is, being a headhunter taught me how to choose my Mr. Right!
      要用猎头的方式去寻找自己的Mr. Right。这很接近于我的情况，我已经作了七年的职业猎头，为跨国企业寻找CEO和其他高管。有趣的是，猎头的工作教会了我如何选择自己的Mr. Right。

      Many career women agonize over every career choice, and yet sail almost at random into boyfriend relationships. But that's an upside-down way to approach our lives. We're now living through massive economic change, and that means that over the years, we'll have good jobs and bad jobs, good bosses and horrible bosses, we will work for good companies and bad companies.
      许多职业女性会为每一个职业选择殚精竭虑，对于找男朋友却几乎持一种随意草率的态度。这种做法是以一种颠倒的方式对待生活。如今我们正经历巨大的经济变革，这意味着我们既会找到好工作，也有不好的工作，既会碰到好老板，也会碰到极其讨厌的老板，我们既会为优秀的企业工作，也会在一家差公司工作。

      When it comes to our careers, as long as we're growing every day, we can turn any career mistake into a learning experience.
      关于我们的事业，只要我们每天都在成长，那么我们就可以将任何一个职业错误转变成一个学习经验。

      But marriage is a forever decision. The fact is, for most women today, the major potentially devastating mistake available to us the consequences of which can wreck our lives and the lives of our future children, is the choice of whom we marry.
      但是，婚姻是一个永恒的决定。对当今大多数女性来说，在选择与谁结婚的问题上，我们会犯可能具有毁灭性的错误，错误的选择会毁掉我们以及未来孩子们的生活。

      This is the most important decision of your life
      婚姻是你一生当中最重要的决定

      So, relax about your career decisions, and focus on not bungling the big one. Now, not only can you choose your man, but you must.
      因此，对于你的职业决定要看淡些，要把主要精力放在不要搞砸婚姻这个大决定上。现在，你可以选择你的丈夫，而且你也必须这么做。

      Every headhunter knows that for any search to be successful, you need: lots of candidates! So get out there, expand your social network, meet and make friends with lots of men, including those you think you'd never date. Because becoming friends with lots of interesting men, and women, is the best way to access the many candidates you need to successfully complete the most important search of your life.
      每一位猎头都知道，要想获得成功，你需要许许多多的候选人。所以，你要走出去，扩大自己的社交圈子，与很多男性见面并和他们交朋友，包括那些你认为永远也不会和他们约会的男人。

      Besides, headhunting is fun! Men and women think differently, and even just as friends, men can bring us lots of fun and new perspectives. And befriending lots of men, most just as friends, some as lovers, helps hone our headhunting skills, helping us understand what we need from a life partner.
      此外，做猎头也非常有趣。男性与女性的思维方式不同，即使仅仅是作为朋友，男性也能为我们带来许多乐趣和新视角。而且，与很多男性做朋友（大多数只是普通朋友，一个作为情侣）也有助于我们了解自己需要从人生伴侣身上得到什么。

      Marriage is life's most profound decision. Choose wisely. When you get this decision right, you'll be able to give your children the best possible gift: a family that's warm, happy and secure. They deserve that, you deserve that, and so does he.
      婚姻是生活当中最重大的决定，你要做出明智的选择。如果你做出了正确的决定，那么你将给你的孩子带来或许是最珍贵的礼物──一个温馨、幸福、安稳的家。他们应该得到这些，你也应该得到，而且，你的丈夫也是如此。

      Joy Chen  陈愉
本文作者陈愉是前洛杉矶华裔副市长、畅销书作家，著有《30岁前别结婚》。她与丈夫及两个女儿生活在洛杉矶。您可以通过www.joychenyu.com与她交流。文中所述仅代表她的个人观点。

作者: wkmqla 时间: 9-12-2012 10:43
貌似有些哲理

作者: wkmqla 时间: 9-12-2012 10:43
很喜欢~~~~

作者: wkmqla 时间: 9-12-2012 10:43
争取晚上之前吧它背上来

作者: wkmqla 时间: 9-12-2012 10:44
MARK

作者: chengyongice 时间: 12-12-2012 15:49
支持，谢谢楼主分享

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 25-2-2013 08:54
标题: 6个信号他其实喜欢你
If he likes you, but is not telling you directly, there might be ways in which he is conveying this to you non verbally. The way he conducts himself in your presence, talks or even behaves with other people, are signs that he likes you. There are physical signs of confirming your apprehension. Here are 6 body language signs which indicate that he likes you.

如果他喜欢你，却没有直接表白，不用担心，总会有其他非语言的方式能传达爱意。他在你面前的表现，甚至和其他人的谈话、行为都会包含喜欢你的信号。下面这些身体信号就暗示着他喜欢你哦。

1. Eye contact
眼神交流

Whenever you talk to him, his gaze softens. He obviously finds you beautiful so he looks at the way your hair falls, admires what you’re wearing and even looks at your eyes and lips. Sometimes, if he is caught looking at you stealthily, he will suddenly look away. His eyes will search you when you’re not around.
每次和他说话，他的眼神都很温柔。情人眼里出西施，他会很明显地盯着你的秀发看，会欣赏你的穿着打扮甚至看着你的眼睛和嘴唇。有时如果他的偷看被你发现，就会马上转换视线。你不在时，他的眼睛会到处找你。

2. Lowers his voice
压低嗓音

When he talks to you, there is an initial need to present himself in the best possible light. He won’t raise his voice even to other people. He will speak gently and softy. He won’t always address you by your name.
和你说话时，他总会想着表现自己最好的一面。甚至和其他人交谈也不会提高分贝，真是既绅士又温柔，当然他也不会直呼你的名字。

3. Acts consciously
小心行事

Whenever you are around, he is very conscious of your presence. He looks at you frequently, looks for your approval, listens to you more than anyone else; he makes sure that you are always impressed with him.
你在周围时，他会十分在意你的存在。不时的看看你，想得到你的肯定，当你的忠实听众，确认你对他已经有印象了。

4. Indications of being nervous
表现紧张

Sometimes he looks shy, turns away, and fidgets with his fingers. Under the assumption that you are already friends, he feels very nervous to ask you out. When you have dinner or lunch with him, he acts as though you are on a date. He tries to make you feel comfortable.
有时他看起来很害羞，转过身去，不安的玩弄着手指。即使你们已经是朋友，但约你出来仍会让他万分紧张。共进晚餐或午餐时，他会表现得如同情侣约会般郑重，也尽量让你觉得自在。

5. Finding ways to be around
找机会陪你

When you’re unwell, he comes to visit you first thing, brings chicken soup, and looks after your needs. Even if you need to go somewhere, he makes sure he is around to see you. He will try to stay around you and make sure that you know he cares.
你不舒服时，他会第一时间带着鸡汤来看望你，照顾你。即使是你需要去哪里，他也要确保能在附近照看着。他会一直陪在你身边，让你能感受到他的关怀。

6. He smiles when he sees you.
一见你就笑

His face lights up as soon as he sees you, especially after many days. He just can’t look away from you. Sometimes you might catch him smiling without any reason.
一看你他整张脸都亮了，尤其是分别数日的情况下。他的眼光就是无法从你身上挪开，有时还会发现他对着你傻笑呢。

作者: KYLIE2008 时间: 27-2-2013 08:02
[url=A Realist's Guide To Marketing In 2013_第1页_商业_福布斯中文网 http://xue5.ydstatic.com/cached. ... =881943222686977652]A Realist's Guide To Marketing In 2013_第1页_商业_福布斯中文网 http://xue5.ydstatic.com/cached. ... =881943222686977652[/url]

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