雅思大作分，求批。
Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to work hard when they are very young. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?In current society, young people face pressure everywhere they turn, education, work, parents and so on. It forces students to work hard to handle the pressure. Whether this phenomenon is good or bad has sparked spirited debate. Personally, I consider that pressure can bring more drawbacks
Much stress lead to a negative influence in young people’s growth stage. Firstly, pressure can cause physical problems. Studying everyday deprive students of the chance of doing exercise. Therefore, youngsters are easy to become sick such as having a cold or become too fat. Secondly, young students can feel frustrating if they learn something due to pressure rather than their interest. They will become unconfident and easy to give up. Some students chose suicide because they could not cope with the pressure and the failures. Lastly, much hard working also limit youngsters to develop their communication skills and life skills.
On the other hand, hard working can contribute to the academic performance. Good performance in academic area can make graduates have more competitiveness in the employment market. Even so, being able to find a job cannot be warranted by academic performance. Employers want to employ graduates who not only have good results in schools but also are physical and psychological soundness.
In conclusion, though pressure can push students to study hard thereby getting good results in exam, the disadvantage generated by pressure far outweigh the advantages. Overall, I believe that we should help young people to cope with pressure and encourage them to do what they are interested in instead of only focusing on the academic result. young people face pressure everywhere they turn (to)...
过于“绝对”， everywhere是地点代词性质，那么用它代表education, work, parrents合适吗？
基于这些考虑，上句能否改成：
young people often face pressures from various aspects of their everyday life such as education, work, parrents, and so on.
压力不会带来“缺点”，压力可能带来“负面影响”，所以是否改为I believe that pressure can bring negative effects.
growth stage似乎不妥，总觉得有点疙疙瘩瘩，Much stress can lead to negative consequence to young people who are in their puberties.
feel frustrating --> feel frustrated
They will become -->还是过于专横武断， 可否改为They may become less confident
warranted --> guaranteed 多谢指正。
原帖由 TWT 于 2-12-2010 02:04 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif
young people face pressure everywhere they turn (to)...
过于“绝对”， everywhere是地点代词性质，那么用它代表education, work, parrents合适吗？
基于这些考虑，上句能否改成：
young people ofte ... 有少量用词不合适,语法问题等.个人估计在5.5-6之间. 有少量用词不合适,语法问题等.个人估计在5.5-6之间.
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