如果嫁了个蠢得要命的男人怎么办

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 18:37

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我又努力了一下
比刚才效果稍好
但是有限

You got the gist in the most important loving relationship when you are this young, how lucky you are!

If it moves a little bit forward, it would do further and further forward! You will never regret you have given your best shot!

Nowadays, I always say to my LD: You are so smart to follow my leads those days to get where we are now, otherwise, you would feel so sorry for yourself if you lost me as your wife! Heeeheee

Sounds like I am paying him the compliments, but I am blowing my own horns in fact! (唱自己的赞歌)

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 18:41

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

楼主也再努力下好好谈谈
适当让步

Smart move!

mapletree123

生活太现实了的话,就很悲哀,生活需要幽默,没有幽默感最悲剧.

看看有没有软的化解方法.

有次看到一个3岁小朋友在公共场所,非要抢妈妈正在使用的手机玩游戏,妈妈不给,把手臂举高,小朋友动手拍和抓妈妈手臂,并且大叫,妈妈没有教训他,也没有教育他,只是看这小朋友说 No! 然后tickle了一下那个小孩.小孩大概也知道自己这样做不对,然后手挡住脸咯咯笑了.

我觉得这个算是用幽默的方法化解问题的一个例子.

我很欣赏那些可以乐观积极生活的人,因为生活很多时候就是不容易的,婚姻也是如此.

nil

maggie2007 发表于 24-8-2013 17:14

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

小孩怎么办？
对大人最容易的解决方案，对小孩也许有些残酷？ 她毕竟才6岁也许无法理解这些复杂的问 ...

kids  are much smarter than you.

yping88

mapletree123 发表于 24-8-2013 19:02

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

生活太现实了的话,就很悲哀,生活需要幽默,没有幽默感最悲剧.

看看有没有软的化解方法.

If people were born with the wonderful sense of humor, they are blessed with a bright future in their personal life. That talent will be called the natural bonus to them, because so many things will work out easier for them.

But, being humorous wouldn't be the best weapon in a wonderful relationship, but being caring about the loved one will be the best!

I remembered my best friend asked me the following when I started complaining about my LD's non-cooperation with my decisions:

Why wasn't he cooperative? A couple should be working collaboratively together, so that no one else could squeeze in. I wondered if you showed your care about him frequently enough? When he didn't support your decision, did you sit you both down having an open discussion? When he said something you thought making no sense to you, did you object him straight away without showing him any respect to his effort?

When I gave the NO to most of her questions, she said: Oh, bad moves! What's with the expression: Respectfully disagree!

欢语

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 18:37

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我又努力了一下
比刚才效果稍好
但是有限

别那么悲观，试着把婚姻看成互惠互利的关系，可能就不会觉得太委屈了。

yping88

nil 发表于 24-8-2013 19:20

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

kids  are much smarter than you.

Absolutely right! They understand much more that we think they would!

And they know us as parents, that's why they can always wrap us around their fingers! They take different, smart and convincing moves to get us do whatever they are interested in!

I guess we can try to be a kid in front of our spouses, playing smart, playing a spoilt kid (撒娇), playing a super girl, or whatever. As long as it makes the marriage make senses!

That's what we call: End justifies the means! (目的证明手段！) Here, the END is a working marriage!

周星星1832

alancherry 发表于 24-8-2013 19:29

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

别那么悲观，试着把婚姻看成互惠互利的关系，可能就不会觉得太委屈了。

恩
已经这样了
也没勇气放弃
只能尽量往好的方向调整

只能往好的方向看

比如儿子越来越可爱之类的

yping88

alancherry 发表于 24-8-2013 19:29

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

别那么悲观，试着把婚姻看成互惠互利的关系，可能就不会觉得太委屈了。

The best point made here, alancherry!

If we could treat our marriage as the relationship that be beneficial to all parts involved, we would do anything we possibly can to make the most contribution. Because we want the best for ourselves, even that means we have to try much harder!

nil

其实吧，楼主，我刚开始写了不少。后来又都delete掉了。论坛，我不高兴太认真～

不过你既然问了，我也看到green的说法，还是把擦掉的写出来吧。

中国人都喜欢说什么宁拆十座庙，不毁一桩婚。美其名曰为了小孩。泥马全是shit。别说你不是在封闭的中国农村，现在国内大城市也早就对单亲父母很看得开了，何况你还是在澳洲。

别什么事情都整个小孩的名义——老实说我顶讨厌看到签证版那种：啊，为了小孩的教育，我要移民那种论调。泥马先把自己搞好吧，自己都搞不好，还能搞好小孩？

自己不爱自己的人，是没人爱的——最多是同情和怜悯。一个成天不愉快争吵或者怨妇的家庭，你能指望小孩身心健康？I seriously doubt it.

先问问你自己要啥吧——把自己整明白了，然后再说小孩。否则都是excuses！

yping88

It is not uncommon that many senior couples I have met make jokes about each other and their marriage. The jokes go:

It is our third/fourth/fifth decade in our life sentence, but we are happy to be locked behind the bar (marriage) and continuously feel how bitter-sweet it tastes!

Another couple put their marriage this way:

This is a life sentence without any chance on parole, but we were ready to do the time in the marriage the moment we pledged to each other at the alter!   

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 19:42

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

恩
已经这样了
也没勇气放弃

I guess you would agree that the little boy is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your whole life, and your wife is the person that brings the best to you in this world.

And no one else cares enough to do you this best honor, and in that sense, she deserves the best from you, no matter how hard this BEST means for you to fight for!

yping88

alancherry 发表于 24-8-2013 17:36

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

感觉就像是只有不会教的老师，没有教不好的学生一样的理念。

Another best point made, alancherry!

shyaka

nil 发表于 24-8-2013 19:44

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

其实吧，楼主，我刚开始写了不少。后来又都delete掉了。论坛，我不高兴太认真～

不过你既然问了，我也看 ...

完全赞同。
人与人都是平等的，小孩并不比母亲或父亲重要，为了小孩而忍受不幸福的婚姻完全没有必要，更何况父母离婚的孩子不一定就过得不好或者有心理问题。
同时，对于那些劝父母为了小孩而忍受不幸福的婚姻的人，其实你们是在诱导一个人放弃自己的权利而给予另一个人。
补充：如果我们这么做了，那么我们也会诱导一个人放弃他的权利去奉献给企业、政党，就像某些企业和政党整天宣传的那样。

周星星1832

我还是始终认为给小孩一个完整的家比自己的幸福重要
因为我本身父母离异
我能体会那种不完整家的痛苦

我绝不会让我的孩子体会那种痛苦

而且尽我所能的让他感受到的是一个幸福的家庭

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 20:38

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我还是始终认为给小孩一个完整的家比自己的幸福重要
因为我本身父母离异
我能体会那种不完整家的痛苦

While you make that commitment to your little boy, you would be able to make your marriage a happy one as well! It would make more senses if you harvest what you grow!

周星星1832

yping88 发表于 24-8-2013 20:47

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

While you make that commitment to your little boy, you would be able to make your marriage a happy ...

是的
所以我又让步了
又再一次打破僵局
因为不可能离婚
所以只有让婚姻生活尽量愉快点

dreamcat

周星星，尊夫人啥星座的。我一直觉得星座属相啥的是对夫妻关系有影响的，呵呵，别说我迷信。比如我和我老公，他是天平，我是双鱼，所以我占上风多点，但我和他属相略有点不和，所以经常有小吵小闹，甚至还打架呢，但不影响全局吧。

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 20:58

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

是的
所以我又让步了
又再一次打破僵局

You stood out as a big person in the marriage!

And making compromise doesn't take as much as you thought, does it?  

周星星1832

dreamcat 发表于 24-8-2013 21:06

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

周星星，尊夫人啥星座的。我一直觉得星座属相啥的是对夫妻关系有影响的，呵呵，别说我迷信。比如我和我老公 ...

可怕的天蝎

周星星1832

yping88 发表于 24-8-2013 21:07

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

You stood out as a big person in the marriage!

And making compromise doesn't take as much as ...

谢谢
没办法总要有一个人先让步

但是我真没你说的那么好

我本身很传统但是又不是一个受道德规范束缚的人

所以基本是一个矛盾的人

dreamcat

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 21:08

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

可怕的天蝎

一个是土相，一个是水相，还挺和的。我一直觉得天蝎座的人比较理想化，对生活比较有追求，但也容易不满现状，我记得论坛有个统计移民星座的帖子，结果发现天蝎座占绝对优势。

周星星1832

dreamcat 发表于 24-8-2013 21:15

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

一个是土相，一个是水相，还挺和的。我一直觉得天蝎座的人比较理想化，对生活比较有追求，但也容易不满现 ...

我没说我啥星座呢啊
我是摩蝎
你再给算算

dreamcat

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 21:20

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我没说我啥星座呢啊
我是摩蝎
你再给算算

我知道你是摩羯啊，你不是挂着摩羯勋章嘛，所以是土相星座

周星星1832

dreamcat 发表于 24-8-2013 21:22

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我知道你是摩羯啊，你不是挂着摩羯勋章嘛，所以是土相星座

男的是都有点蠢。。。。。。。

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 21:13

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

谢谢
没办法总要有一个人先让步

Understood!

yping88

周星星1832 发表于 24-8-2013 21:20

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

我没说我啥星座呢啊
我是摩蝎
你再给算算

What do you think @dreamcat is, a fortune-teller? Are you gonna pay her dearly if she makes a good "GUESS"?

webster

nil 发表于 24-8-2013 17:11

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

就这么简单。所有复杂问题最后的答案其实都很简单——复杂的只是过程而已。比如人活着够复杂的吧，但最 ...

看来nil婶好像已经经历过忍的最高境界啦！

dreamcat

yping88 发表于 24-8-2013 21:27

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

What do you think @dreamcat is, a fortune-teller? Are you gonna pay her dearly if she makes a good ...

哈哈，双鱼座很多都喜欢研究这些星座啊属相啊神马的

yping88

dreamcat 发表于 24-8-2013 21:32

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

哈哈，双鱼座很多都喜欢研究这些星座啊属相啊神马的

what is your opinion on Mr and Mrs Xingxing's match, then?