标题: 求好人帮忙点评下雅思作文，感激不尽～ [打印本页] 作者: zhaizibo1990 时间: 10-5-2011 01:01 标题: 求好人帮忙点评下雅思作文，感激不尽～ 考了3次雅思，作文总是5.5，愁坏我了，论坛上的兄弟姐妹们帮忙评判一下我的作文，感激涕零。
Topic: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of all workers?
Today, an increasing number of adults spend a majority of life time at work. Therefore, job satisfaction plays a pivotal role in determining workers’ level of happiness directly.
Receiving a good wage apparently contributes a positive factor to job satisfaction. However, money cannot buy happiness alone. In order to keep an upbeat mood during work, workplace environment, such as, friendly colleagues, ergonomic designed equipment, well-organized working time and a productive but not stressful pace are equally important. A survey conducted by ANU Social Science Faculty also found, employees demand to be treated fairly as much as they long for a raise. Workers who consider themselves equally treated by employer and co-workers are more likely to gain job satisfaction.
Employers also play crucial parts in creating job satisfaction. During work, paying more attention to individual’s achievement and offering incentives to spur the morale. After work, make efforts to blend in with workers, host recreational events, for instance, a barbeque or party in return to the efforts their employees threw in work and render them realize they are valuable and appreciated. Arranging working schedule scientifically and thoughtfully as well as sympathize for the sick, be understanding for the compassionate leave so on and so forth.
In conclusion, job satisfaction cannot be achieved if it were not strived by both parts. More active actions need to be injected in to fulfill the satisfaction.
Topic: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of all workers?
这是一个报告型文体。所以主体结构应该是一段factors，一段是how realistic(你需要描述是否可行)
Today, an increasing number of adults spend a majority of life time at work. Therefore, job satisfaction plays a pivotal role in determining workers’ level of happiness directly.
开头可以，但好像没有什么因果关系。当中有逻辑跳跃，不过IELTS不讲那么细。
Receiving a good wage apparently contributes a positive factor to job satisfaction. However, money cannot buy happiness alone. In order to keep an upbeat mood during work, workplace environment, such as, friendly colleagues, ergonomic designed equipment, well-organized working time and a productive but not stressful pace are equally important. A survey conducted by ANU Social Science Faculty also found, employees demand to be treated fairly as much as they long for a raise. Workers who consider themselves equally treated by employer and co-workers are more likely to gain job satisfaction.
Employers also play crucial parts in creating job satisfaction. During work, paying more attention to individual’s achievement and offering incentives to spur the morale. After work, make efforts to blend in with workers, host recreational events, for instance, a barbeque or party in return to the efforts their employees threw in work and render them realize they are valuable and appreciated. Arranging working schedule scientifically and thoughtfully as well as sympathize for the sick, be understanding for the compassionate leave so on and so forth.
In conclusion, job satisfaction cannot be achieved if it were not strived by both parts. More active actions need to be injected in to fulfill the satisfaction.
直接结尾了，漏掉了另一个问题how realistic。另外结尾太仓促不够饱满。