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标题: 请大家狠批一下这雅思作文，谢谢！ [打印本页]

作者: leia 时间: 9-5-2010 21:34
标题: 请大家狠批一下这雅思作文，谢谢！
001
Many companies require their employees to wear a uniform at work. In what jobs do you thin should people be required to wear uniforms? What are the disadvantages of wearing uniforms at work?

ANSWER:

There are many companies in many industries normally present themselves in uniforms. There are two major reasons why companies request their employees to wear in uniforms; the first is safety consideration, and the second one is to present their customers a unified appearance indicating unified services.

  The origin of uniforms is safety in working places, and it is still the main reason for many industries today, for example flight crews are always dressed in their well made uniforms. This kind of uniforms provides clear marks of roles or ranks of employees, which is critical in an urgent moment. Other industries like banks, which normally have many branches in a wide area, and maintaining standard appearance in public is an important target for them crossing cities, thus it is not strange for them to select uniform to attain the target.

  Uniforms do really good in achieving targets of companies, but it kills employees' personalities in the same time. Dressing is a very important way for people to show their difference to others, thus working in company requesting uniforms to be worn always might make people sad and hurt their creativities. Besides, it is very expensive for companies to having a high standard uniform system, but it helps quite a little in many cases if it is not managed properly.

  I tend to be convinced that uniforms can be helpful in many industries, but companies must be very careful on their choices to take care of the employees and overall interests of it.
---------------------------------
002

Today, many countries have finished their process of globalization, and people in these countries are frequently traveling to other countries and work in there for a short or long period of time. Many of them gain more experiences of other cultures and more chances of career development through these travels.


Though the world has become flat due to the advancing of the communication technologies, we are still living in a world with great difference from culture to culture. Thus, many global organizations are actually separated into quite different parts to adopt the local society and culture of countries or continents. These big giants need its employees to move between its sites to maintain its global infrastructure, to coordinate multi-nation projects or missions, as well as to transfer information and technologies. People who take this kind of job frequently can benefit from it greatly, not only in terms of understanding of different cultures or enrich their personal experiences, but also in terms of their personal career development. For instance, most high level managers of international companies have abundant experiences of living and working in various regions.


On other hand, leaving from home and working in work places that are far away from homes could bring many issues. Firstly, husbands and wives living separately conduct a great portion of divorces. As parents, travelers can not take care of their children, and easily establish normal relationships with their kids, as other mothers and fathers do. Finally, for long term travelers, working and living alone in unfamiliar cities could harm their body and mind too.


Overall, business travels of short or long enrich employees' horizon and give them more chances in career development. But the length and frequent of travels must managed carefully, to enable the employees to succeed in family as well as in work.
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003-2010-05-10
Some people think that young children benefit from going to the nursery school before starting primary school. Others think it is better for the young children to stay all day with the families. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

ANSWER:
Today, nursery schools are very common and accessible for many families, but it is really a tough choice for parents to decide whether their kids should be send to nursery schools.

Many kids are sent to there simply just because their parents can not afford years of time to stay with them all along until they get to primary schools. Others families able to let one parent to leave from work and stay at home for their kids, might also send their kids to nursery schools, since they are convinced that kids can be better educated in there. It's true that nursery schools are generally acceptable in terms of the cost and the service they provide. Kinds at nursery schools start learning and living with their counterparts under adequate cares, which make them easier and smoother later to adopt lives in primary schools where less care is given by teachers.

On the contrary, other parents worry about that kids can not receive enough care at nursery schools, as they feel it is impossible for a teacher to cope with needs of several kids in the same time, from their personal experiences. Some mothers feel they just can not live without their children aside, because they have got used to this since the kids were born. These parents tend to believe their kids are too young at age, and home is best place to stay. They are also very confident that they can provide anything a nursery school can do and more.

Overall, professional service of nursery schools are important for the growth of kids, though we can give the same thing at home, it cost too much in real in terms of time, we should rely this on nursery schools to create a better future for our next generation.

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欢迎大家来拍砖！

[ 本帖最后由 leia 于 10-5-2010 15:44 编辑 ]

作者: 语之玫瑰 时间: 9-5-2010 23:56
今天来帮你看好吧...现在有点事情，帮顶一下先

作者: lilycat 时间: 10-5-2010 00:17
语法错误问题不多，高级词汇没有，有点罗嗦
词汇量不大。总是重复在使用一些词汇。
估计5分左右。
呵呵

作者: lilycat 时间: 10-5-2010 00:22
There are quite a few/ a lot of companies in many industries normally presenting themselves in uniforms...
你用了很多many，试着用一些其他替代词汇 a number of, many a

[ 本帖最后由 lilycat 于 9-5-2010 23:24 编辑 ]

作者: immi_wasser 时间: 10-5-2010 02:15
楼主加油。。。多看看范文，一定能通过雅思考试的。。。

作者: 语之玫瑰 时间: 10-5-2010 12:31
There are many companies in many industries normally present themselves（我好像没有看到过这种用法） in uniforms. There are（能不能换个句型啊，又是there are） two major reasons why companies request their employees to wear in uniforms; the first is safety consideration, and the second one is to present their customers a unified appearance indicating unified（这里换成professional专业的服务会不会更好一些呀？） services.

作者: 语之玫瑰 时间: 10-5-2010 12:37
The origin of uniforms is safety in working places, and it is still the main reason for many（most） industries today, for example(,) flight crews are(为什么要用被动呀？直接dress in就可以) always dressed in their well made uniforms. This kind of uniforms provides clear marks of roles or ranks of employees, which is critical in an urgent moment. Other industries like banks（banking）, which normally（这个词前面用过，换成usually吧） have many（a lot of,a vast number of...） branches in a wide area, and maintaining standard appearance in public is an important target for them crossing cities, thus it is not strange for them to select uniform to attain the target.

作者: 语之玫瑰 时间: 10-5-2010 12:44
Uniforms do really（really do） good in achieving targets(aim会不会更好点，请查一下用法) of companies, but it kills employees' personalities in the same time. Dressing is a very important way for people to show their difference to others, thus working in company requesting uniforms to be worn always might（情态动词应该在always前面的吧） make people sad and hurt their creativities. Besides, it is very expensive for companies to having a high standard uniform system, but it helps quite a little in many cases if it is not managed properly.

作者: 语之玫瑰 时间: 10-5-2010 13:12
I tend to be convinced（被动？） that uniforms can be helpful in many industries, but companies must be very careful on their choices to take care of the employees and overall interests of it.

作者: lilycat 时间: 10-5-2010 13:59
第二篇题目是什么？似乎水平比第一篇好了点
most high level managers ？该highest吧
high是单音节词

作者: 熊猫阿三 时间: 10-5-2010 15:33
按我四次5.5的经验来看，估计差不多5.5....

作者: loopmoon 时间: 10-5-2010 16:26
第一篇，我总感觉偏题了，问what jobs，但是楼主第一段最后一句似乎表明了穿了uniform有啥好处，第二段的中心句我觉得和后面的举例很脱节啊，中心局讲safety啊，怎么后面举例银行和空姐之类的例子呢，不懂。
第二篇不错，结构思路都比较清晰，估计6分的料吧，呵呵

作者: leia 时间: 10-5-2010 16:39

谢谢!各位!

其实第二篇写完后,发现偏题了,所以就没有发题目,让大家看看内容!

从昨天开始,我LG就实行每天一练,
希望下次能够有个好成绩吧!

作者: leia 时间: 10-5-2010 17:53

原帖由 小小白虎 于 10-5-2010 11:31 发表

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There are many companies in many industries normally present themselves（我好像没有看到过这种用法） in uniforms. There are（能不能换个句型啊，又是there are） two major reasons why companies request th ...

There are many companies in many industries THAT normally present themselves......

作者: pingorliu 时间: 10-5-2010 19:01
第三篇，严重偏题了
应该是从 children的角度讨论去nursery school 的 benefits 和待在家的 benefits, 然后给出自己的观点。
而这篇文章一直是从父母的角度，而且没有着重讨论不同方式的 benefits。

而且语法错误很多。
自己杜撰的词组，以及不恰当的词汇用法也有。

但从内容来看，第二篇要比一和三好多了，词汇和短语用的比较准确。

纯粹是个人愚见，我的作文也正在练，呵呵，楼主见谅。

作者: leia 时间: 10-5-2010 21:39

原帖由 pingorliu 于 10-5-2010 18:01 发表

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第三篇，严重偏题了
应该是从 children的角度讨论去nursery school 的 benefits 和待在家的 benefits, 然后给出自己的观点。
而这篇文章一直是从父母的角度，而且没有着重讨论不同方式的 benefits。
...

确实跑题了，谢谢提醒！

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