G类大作文练习，请指正，多谢

bigben0123

题目：
Many people wear fashionable clothing today. What are the causes of this trend and what are its effects on our lives?

作文：
In this day and age, it’s manifest that individuals wear fashionable clothing everywhere, for example, when they go out for shopping, or when they take part in a party or picnic, and so on.

I think there are several reasons leading to this trend. To begin with, people wants to show them out, further, to make them difference, especially the youth because they have less capacity to discern the truth so they are prone to be effected. The trendy clothing can make it. We can be easily attracted by the individual who wear clothing which is not similar with average people. Therefore, it can satisfy their vanity and vacancy. Secondly, it’s the media that promote this phenomenon goes. The mass media need to pose a fashion, so it can received more concern and attention, which can, in turn, make more profit for the media. If the people were not concerned about any fashion, how the media can make money to live on. Finally, trendy clothing are positive and invigorating. We are tired of the everyday clothing. When we see someone wearing new and fashionable one, we feel refreshing. In addition, wearing it can make us more vivid and active to work or live.

Fashionable clothing has developed into a major part of the society industry. Everyone is being affected by the new, beautiful, colorful, and trendy clothing each day. Although we may want to avoid keeping fashion in that we don’t have enough money to do it, we still have to watch on the change of fashion in case you’ll be taken as an alien.

[ 本帖最后由 bigben0123 于 18-5-2010 12:22 编辑 ]

hobtack

楼主还需要很大的提高才能去烤鸭啊。

就看第一句就好几个错误，考官看了的话，直接就杯具了。

肥头

顶一下，求高人

[ 本帖最后由 肥头 于 17-5-2010 21:22 编辑 ]

bigben0123

恩，是得努力，多练习

helenazy

中文议论文先练习好， 再谈E文的。

写文前，也得琢磨下西方价值观的问题。西人崇尚自然，其实追求时尚在他们那里属于比较做作的行为。从媒体和个人表现欲立论，不如从城市化，远离自然为基调出发。

说影响，你也可以表达自己的观点，不要说得模棱两可，含糊其词。最后还可以说说措施，你自己怎么做，你会对下一代如何教育，这样有多了好多字啊。

语之玫瑰

请问楼主，你的目标是写作6么？

语之玫瑰

原帖由 bigben0123 于 17-5-2010 20:10 发表

                               
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题目：
Many people wear fashionable clothing today. What are the causes of this trend and what are its effects on our lives?

作文：
In this day and age, it’s manifest that individuals wear fashi ...

我觉得楼主写得不算差...英文功底还是有的，虽然有点偏口语化
但是思路有点混乱，原因和影响混在一起了...