第一篇习作：Study with others VS teaching alone

路易十二

诚惶诚恐！请大牛多多指摘！

补上题目：
Some people think students should study together while others think they should be taught alone. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


Recently, there are some debates over whether students should study with others or they should be taught alone. In this essay, I will explore both sides of this discussion.

There are many reasons of the fact most students are taught in school with their peers in most countries. One of the resons involves the effective utilising of limited education resource. In most developing countries, for instance, compared with the number of the students who eagar to have opporunity to go to school, the education resource is very insuffient. Most will agree that teaching in groups is the best way to allocate these resources to children.

Another obvious advantage, among others, of this approach relates to students' personality. This era increasingly requires human oriented ablities, such as, team working, easy-going, good communication skills. Given the fact learning helds most time of children, children should acquire these abilities among learning by inteacting with their peers. Students who grow up with this experience are the one who has more social resource and easy to success.

A further aspect of this teaching approach regards learning efficiency. Students in learing are always in situations of confusing about their courses. With classmates, they can disscuss their questions and interchange their opinions. One must admit teachers are not always the best person children want to communicate with.

Some people argue that teaching alone is better. The way I see it, this teaching methodology does has certain benefit. From oen-to-one teaching, students can obtain more attentions, which is important to the growth of children. Also, this teaching option pushes students to think independently, an essential factor to be success.

In sum, I am convinced that studing with others is a better choise both for students and for society as a whole.

[ 本帖最后由 路易十二 于 20-1-2010 14:50 编辑 ]

rommi

我觉得还是不错的
6分应该没问题

Juana

这种水平还是不要去考了

路易十二

原帖由 Juana 于 20-1-2010 14:49 发表

                               
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这种水平还是不要去考了

请多指教！

Juana

原帖由 路易十二 于 20-1-2010 17:51 发表

                               
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请多指教！

哈哈，just a joke...
我也发愁呢，不知道该怎么写

路易十二

晕，你肯定也练习了几篇吧？贴上来让大家讨论讨论也好。觉得这样进步比较快，毕竟自己的问题可能自己看不出来。

原帖由 Juana 于 20-1-2010 15:24 发表

                               
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哈哈，just a joke...
我也发愁呢，不知道该怎么写

Juana

我练了30多篇了，没一篇值得贴的。
在辅导班模拟了一套题，写作老师给我的大作文打了6，小作文4

Juana

大体看了一下，这片文章的大体结构式这样的：
第一段摘要
第二、三、四段写together的优势
第五段写alone，然后反驳

对吧

[ 本帖最后由 Juana 于 20-1-2010 18:39 编辑 ]

Juana

按照写作老师给我们讲的，你写的这篇是典型的agree/disagree类型问题的answer.因为文章用了三个主体段来表达某一方的观点。最后一段提到对方观点，然后反驳。

但是，这个问题明明是Discuss式的，跟agree/disagree用到的格式是不同的。应该用两个主体段分别描述两方的观点，第三个主体段表达自己的观点。

不过，这只是我参加的辅导班的老师说的，我也不知道是不是只能这么写。

rommi

偶觉得 你文章最大的问题就是生硬

生硬的原因就是套用魔版  每段第1句话  是不是感觉很生硬 完全就是魔版哦

提高的方法: 多看点剑桥后面的范文 多学习用连词

Juana

6分的标准，我的理解就是：
用语法错误不太多的语言清楚的表达出观点，扣题！有一些复杂句。

达不到6分，可能是语法错误太多，或者论证没有说清楚。一般能达到5.5-6的水平，写一些复杂句的能力还是有的。

路易十二

原帖由 rommi 于 20-1-2010 16:02 发表

                               
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偶觉得 你文章最大的问题就是生硬

生硬的原因就是套用魔版  每段第1句话  是不是感觉很生硬 完全就是魔版哦

提高的方法: 多看点剑桥后面的范文 多学习用连词

晕了，我还没有背模板也没有自己的模板呢……
你一说提出每个分论点的句子生硬，我觉得好像的确如此。应该怎么改呢？

路易十二

原帖由 Juana 于 20-1-2010 16:07 发表

                               
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6分的标准，我的理解就是：
用语法错误不太多的语言清楚的表达出观点，扣题！有一些复杂句。

达不到6分，可能是语法错误太多，或者论证没有说清楚。一般能达到5.5-6的水平，写一些复杂句的能力还是有的。

没看懂你的中文……
你是在论述考官打分的标准还是在论述我的习作的问题？

Juana

原帖由 路易十二 于 20-1-2010 19:25 发表

                               
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没看懂你的中文……
你是在论述考官打分的标准还是在论述我的习作的问题？

你的习作的问题上面说了，Discuss类型的问题写成一边倒的可能不太合适...

rommi

你仔细看范文
满分作文 除了最后1段 一般不出现 I 我

我给你改一下 第2段 你看这样是不是比较流畅 不显生硬

比如
There are many reasons of the fact most students are taught in school with their peers in most countries. One of the resons involves the effective utilising of limited education resource
可以改成
As is well known that educational resources are limited, especially in the developing countries, so that the majority of the students should be encouraged to access knowledge in schools instead of by private tutors.
然后可以举个例子 强调资源不够  可以编造
比如:
A recent investigation surveyed in shanghai has shown that the proportion of teachers to students is up to 1 : 40, which is worrying the government.

接下来分析一下
Therefore,  the students are supposed to be taught to use public resources rathen than homestic and private ones. Consider that there are still a lot of poverty areas where the educational facilities are in a shortage,  it is obvious that  people should be obliged to make use of educational resource as far as possible.