上班很无聊啊，大作文一篇，求指正，求估分！

ruofeng111

question
Some people think students should be allowed to evaluate their teachers’ job performance. Others believe that this will lead to loss of respect and discipline. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

essay
How educators and students interact with each other is one of the most important elements in educational system, but opinions are divided as to whether we should leave teachers’ performances under students’ judgment. While some people may think allowing students to evaluate their teachers’ work does not always yield good results, I personally believe that it is necessary to get students’ feedbacks.

Opponents who disprove of students’ ability to judge their teachers argue that this only leads to a decline in student’s respect toward teachers and a failure of school principal. They maintain that reluctance to obey school rule is evident among many students and it is of paramount importance to educate students to accept school discipline. One of teachers’ responsibilities is to ensure students abide by the rules, and if student have the right to judge their teachers, it will be hard to implement school rules, because teachers may be afraid of receiving harsh evaluations from students.

However, the opposite opinion is that feedbacks from students are necessary if our goal is to perfect educational system. Many educational institutions have already adopted questionnaires to find out which way of educating is more effective, how students think of their professors, and etc. This interaction between students and school educator provides constructive suggestions that can positively help teachers to improve their educational methods. For example, if students report that videos and diagrams are more appealing and easier to follow than textbooks, teacher can therefore use these media to deliver lectures in order to engage students and boost productivity in classroom.

In conclusion, I believe that outcomes of letting student evaluate teachers may not always be good, but it can positively contribute to our educational system.

halleybachelor

有很多值得我学习的地方。

挑刺吧
Opponents who disprove of 这个说法似乎有点冗余
principal 应该是principle吧
另外有几个名词单复数似乎有问题

门外汉1982

很好的文章啊。

that this only leads to a decline in student’s respect toward teachers and a failure of school principal
好像重复了标题，最好能换个说法吧。

and if student have the right to judge their teachers, it will be hard to implement school rules
这个逻辑联系太弱了。

feedbacks from students  are necessary if our goal is to perfect educational system
-》 feedbacks are necessary as our goal is to improve educational system continuously

Many educational institutions have already adopted questionnaires to find out which way of educating is more effective, how students think of their professors, and etc
这个是一个很好的论点啊，可以强调一下。
That is why many educational institutions usually conduct questionnaires to collect feedback from students in terms of .......
不过这里出现feedback，和第一句有点重复。

我个人意见，下面这2句话的联系不太紧密。论点到例子有点快。
这种互动是可以帮助老师提高教学方法
比如，学生提出视频和图表更好......

如果改成这样的链接
通过这种互动，老师可以发现一些学生潜在的需求，这样他们可以想出一些有效的教学方法让他们的课堂更有意思。比如，学生发现数学理论很难，数学老师可以视频或者图片展现数学。因此，学生可以更容易去学习，同时也促进了他们的想象力。

把下面的话，改写一下。类似
Teachers would notice the hidden need of students ,and they are likely to develop effective methods to make their lectures more interesting or impressive. For example, if many students find it difficult to follow the complicate math theories, the math teachers can use videos and diagrams to display the beauty and how these boring theories benefit our society. Thus, students can not only learn textbooks in a more comfortable way ,but also these practices can stimulate the students' imagination.

我想表达的意思是，论点之间的联系要紧密，不要太跳跃。想想对方是个小学生，他就是在读你的科普文章。


貌似，你的每句话都挺好的，意思也是连贯的，但总觉得意思是断层的。但感觉你是试图把考官当做高水平读者，所以认为一些潜在的联系是存在的。

ruofeng111

门外汉1982 发表于 21-1-2014 18:09

                               
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很好的文章啊。

that this only leads to a decline in student’s respect toward teachers and a fail ...

非常感谢，看来我还需要在Coherence and Cohesion上面再下下功夫。
而且其他几点评论都很中肯，不亏是考过7分的人。

ruofeng111

halleybachelor 发表于 21-1-2014 13:48

                               
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有很多值得我学习的地方。

挑刺吧

我发现名词单复数确实很难把握，需再看看语法书啊。

halleybachelor

ruofeng111 发表于 22-1-2014 00:04

                               
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我发现名词单复数确实很难把握，需再看看语法书啊。

其实我也觉得单复数很头疼，包括要不要加the的问题。

门外汉1982

要不要加了，就看你是不是特指啊。
给大家分享一个材料，不知道你们看过没有。

common mistakes at ielts advanced.pdf

汗，不会上传文件啊，谁能告诉我啊
这里第一个错误就是说的定冠词和不定冠词。
里面说了很多常见的错误，都是很简答的错误。