求拍砖

andrea4109

一战鸭子的时候是被LG逼上刑，还没有准备好就去了，所以烤糊了。现在痛下决心好好学习了一翻。也不知道现在的作文可以拿几分，发上来请高手指教。
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people decided to do this.

Nowadays, when secondary students accomplish their study, they could probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh going to university directly?

As for the advantages, one year working or travelling between graduating from high school and beginning university study can help students in regard to future university study and life. Comparing with the boring words in books, it is more attractive and practical for young adults to go to other countriesplaces, not to mention live for several months. Hence, they can easily remember their experiencesthe local culture, such as what kind of food is forbidden locally and the reasonsthe local culture and customs, which are quite helpful for their academic study and research. In addition, both having a job and tourism are important chances to improve the ability to deal with communication problems which they would meet in university life. share ideas with others. The more talks the young do the less communication problems they will meet when they enter universities.

As for the disadvantages, students who don’t directly to for study could be inferior to their peers considering future careers. One-year delay in entering university means leaving one year later than peers. In that situation, new graduates need to compete with the school leavers graduated at the same time as well as the previous graduates who are seeking a job in the same period. Unquestionably, the number of competitors has been increasing year by year.

As mentioned, there are benefits and drawbacks for both directly going for study and working or travelling for a period after secondary school study. Personally, the primary responsibility for the young is learning knowledge. Thus, their first choice should be studying in university not working or travelling.

andrea4109

沒人理我

echox

lz  你 的长句好多阿 ，但语法错误也不少，开头第一句就有
句子写得简单点，论点写得深入点，中式思维抛点掉
文章看着很累哦 。。。

matt_deepblue

我理一下你吧，我前两天刚被拍过。
语法我也不好，我就不多说了
但是我看出来一些小问题，
如第一段：
before start their university life =》 before starting their university life
overweigh => overweighs
第二段：
As for the advantages 这个不可以这么用吧， 还有后面很多没有空格，中式表达
第三段：
don’t =》 do not 这个千万不要搞错了，不能缩写的。

建议楼主还多练习，共勉吧，一定会进步的

andrea4109

原帖由 matt_deepblue 于 14-2-2012 12:58 发表

                               
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我理一下你吧，我前两天刚被拍过。
语法我也不好，我就不多说了
但是我看出来一些小问题，
如第一段：
before start their university life =》 before starting their university life
overweigh => overweig ...

谢谢啦，空格在哪里？能否指出？
另外，before是可以接句子的，before start在这里可以不是错误的吧？不是很肯定，希望高手来确定。

[ 本帖最后由 andrea4109 于 14-2-2012 13:26 编辑 ]

andrea4109

原帖由 echox 于 14-2-2012 12:53 发表

                               
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lz  你 的长句好多阿 ，但语法错误也不少，开头第一句就有
句子写得简单点，论点写得深入点，中式思维抛点掉
文章看着很累哦 。。。

平时工作就是看学术文章，长句子看习惯了，自己也不知不觉跟着用...

andrea4109

沒有高手來指点我一下吗？

xiaoyi_lee

俺也就6分的水平了，跟楼主探讨一下，不知道对不对哈
Nowadays, when secondary （不知道加上school可不可以，不加肯定不对） students accomplish their study, they could（would？） probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start（starting） their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh（outweigh） going to university directly（directly提到going前面如何？）?

YUEXMA

呵呵,哥怕把你拍成内伤就不好办了. 以下是一些最明显的错误，红色是语法问题，蓝色是错误或怪异的用词。
研究如何写好句子之前，先做到如何写正确的句子。

Nowadays, when secondary students accomplish their study, they could probably be encouraged to have a one-year work or travel before start their university life. Does ‘resting’ for a year really overweigh going to university directly?

As for the advantages, one year working or travelling between graduating from high school and beginning university study can help students in regard to future university study and life. Comparing with the boring words in books, it is more attractive and practical for young adults to go to other countriesplaces, not to mention live for several months. Hence, they can easily remember their experiencesthe local culture, such as what kind of food is forbidden locally and the reasonsthe local culture and customs, which are quite helpful for their academic study and research. In addition, both having a job and tourism are important chances to improve the ability to deal with communication problems which they would meet in university life. share ideas with others. The more talks the young do the less communication problems they will meet when they enter universities.

As for the disadvantages, students who don’t directly to for study could be inferior to their peers considering future careers. One-year delay in entering university means leaving one year later than peers. In that situation, new graduates need to compete with the school leavers graduated at the same time as well as the previous graduates who are seeking a job in the same period. Unquestionably, the number of competitors has been increasing year by year.

As mentioned, there are benefits and drawbacks for both directly going for study and working or travelling for a period after secondary school study. Personally, the primary responsibility for the young is learning knowledge. Thus, their first choice should be studying in university not working or travelling.

原帖由 andrea4109 于 14-2-2012 12:47 发表

                               
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沒人理我

[ 本帖最后由 YUEXMA 于 15-2-2012 00:44 编辑 ]

xiaoyi_lee

我支持你把楼主拍成没有外伤的内伤

xiaoyi_lee

通篇看了一下，感觉确实是一篇容易拍成内伤的文章
不过 YUEXMA 可以给楼主提点建议
楼主多下功夫连连作文，我觉得你的最大问题是你的论据questionable 就是说你的论据没有办法最有力地支撑你的观点，你都是选一些边边角角的东西在那里论述。没办法一击致命。另外还是建议楼主少用自己把握不了的词汇，多练练，然后鸭子就烤熟了

原帖由 YUEXMA 于 15-2-2012 00:11 发表

                               
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呵呵,哥怕把你拍成内伤就不好办了.

andrea4109

大家的砖头都不是一般的厉害啊~~~ ，谢谢楼上的各位XDJM，谢谢YUEXMA的砖头。我会好好加油的~~