这篇写作能得多少分？

Juana

题目：
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged.Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

正文：
Nowadays,purpose of education being changed in Korea.There are some people who think that competition in children should be made,also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults.There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

To begin with what is good if a sense of competition in children is made?They could develop themselves more and more as they learn a lot to win from the competition.To prove this,in Korea,it is popular-even common now-to have a tutor who come to student's house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money.They learn faster than what they learn at school.Furthermore,during the vavations,students study abroad to learn English a month instead of revise school work.If they have experiments such as study abroad,it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high-school.Moreover,there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students' level of studies.Genarally,only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges.Children learn as much as they can,to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand,as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors,there are problems.They become selfish.They become careless and don't help others alot if it is about studies.There will be no co-operations for them.Then,why are there companies for many people to work in?Each of them are clever,however,there are weak parts and strong parts for each person.To co-operate is to improve this part.Peole talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn.That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

In conclusion,I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete.Nobody is perfect.People learn together,work together to develop each other.Therefore,I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation,not compete and ranking them.

shenzy

觉得比我写的好。。。。6.5分吧

caoxiang

最多给6分吧

tototo

5.5~6

Juana

啊？

albert-shen08

purpose of education being changed in Korea. 不完整？

albert-shen08

Nowadays, purpose of education is changing in Korea. There are some who think that competition in children should be encouraged, but others believe that children should be taught to co-operate with colleagues, which may useful for their aged time. There are lots of advantages and disadvantages for both arguments.

To begin with, what is good for children if they live in a competitive environment? They could develop themselves effectively as they can learn a lot from the competitors. In Korea, it is popular to have a family tutor to provide extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money, which can ensure the students to learn faster than what they do at school. Furthermore, during the vacations, students visit abroad to learn English for one month, instead of do school-work. If they have experienced such process abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to enter a well-known high-school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students' level. Generally, only the 40% in the highest rank can go to the good high-schools or colleges. Children learn as much as they can to win the competition and to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand, as they are busy to study with their own tutors separately, which might lead to students’ being selfish. They become selfish and careless to others and are unwilling to help others a little if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? Each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to be co-operative rather than to be completive. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. Therefore, I hope that parents and teachers would educate children in co-operation but competition.

感觉句子结构，逻辑太杂了，而且有严重的跑题倾向，看的很费劲

Juana

大家竟然没看出来关键的东西

albert-shen08

juanna，关键的东西是什么？

Juana

这明明就是剑桥雅思后面附的一篇Sample，给了6分
我觉得非常疑惑，就像这样一篇低级语法错误很多，论证也不明确的写作，也可以给6？可能是以前的评分标准确实是比现在松很多，也可能是韩国的考生相对容易考到6（明显是个韩国考生写的）.

albert-shen08

晕死，这也能6分？十五分制还差不多

cherub

6分吧，通篇没有较为艰涩和精准的词汇短语，复杂句型。文章结构简单，叙述不够简洁深刻。

Juana

就看第一句就被雷到了

rommi

你以为呢?
我一看就是6分水平

breezy0617

完全看不懂，我给6分！6分是满分吧？