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标题: 各路高人帮我看看我的cover letter，欢迎指正错误 [打印本页]

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 15:57
标题: 各路高人帮我看看我的cover letter，欢迎指正错误
我想找的职位是 Senior Java Engineer. 刚来一个星期，到目前为止还没有投递过简历。
等大家review完毕我就开始投了~

先谢了。

作者: uu 时间: 31-8-2014 16:03
好像要稍微改一下，请牛人们指点

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 16:05

uu 发表于 31-8-2014 15:03
好像要稍微改一下，请牛人们指点

畅所欲言啊！谁都可以提意见的。

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 16:07

uu 发表于 31-8-2014 15:03
好像要稍微改一下，请牛人们指点

谢谢已经修改为 make contribution to...

作者: Jackie1981 时间: 31-8-2014 16:11
很中式英语的感觉。虽然我英语也一般，但是觉的其一，写的太长，其二，重点不突出。上一些相关的网站看看。有很多template的。

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 16:33

Jackie1981 发表于 31-8-2014 15:11
很中式英语的感觉。虽然我英语也一般，但是觉的其一，写的太长，其二，重点不突出。上一些相关的网站看看。 ...

其实我这就是找一个template改来的。特别是最后两段，几乎原封不动啊。
我也发现对非母语的语言不太有信心，有时候自己写的担心是中式英语，其实后来发现别人也这么写。

作者: uu 时间: 31-8-2014 16:46
我把我以前写的翻出来看了一下，觉得你主要是要针对JOB DISCRIPTION 写这个COVER LETTER。把这个职位的EXPERIENCE REQUIREMENTS, ESSENTIAL AND DESIRABLE QUALITIES 都融合到你的这个CL里去。让他筛选的时候，关键词在你的CL都有出现，你就可以进去人家的视线了。

具体就是你要说你的哪些技能和经验MATCH他的要求，你的一些经验和QUALTITY是从你以前什么工作赚来的，都要说一下。
经典语句： while working as a ... engineer, I have gained ...experience in ....(方面，就是他职位要求里的）。 I also have experience in ..... Further more, I ...

下面一段，写自己那些方面的quality适合这个职位，My ..work experience shows/demonstrate I have ...ability. while working in 。。。I have developed ...skills/knowledge, 再举一个简单的例子一句话来佐证一下。

总之就是你要说你有这方面的knowledge， experience， skills and abilities.

如果是政府工，（公共部门的）写CL 和一般的工作的CL不一样，政府工你就很简单的用dot point 列出你的match points, 一般的工作两样都可以，但是要全面点。不超过一页纸。

最后的结束语，Based on my past experience in... and my background in ...engineering, I am confident that i am capable for this position and i look forward to an interview and can be contacted at anytime on....

希望你能用上，呵呵。

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 16:52

uu 发表于 31-8-2014 15:46
我把我以前写的翻出来看了一下，觉得你主要是要针对JOB DISCRIPTION 写这个COVER LETTER。把这个职位的EXPE ...

非常感谢！

作者: xychar 时间: 31-8-2014 17:14

uu 发表于 31-8-2014 15:46
我把我以前写的翻出来看了一下，觉得你主要是要针对JOB DISCRIPTION 写这个COVER LETTER。把这个职位的EXPE ...

这些句子不错，其实就是一个小议论文，论证或说服HR，你非常合适。
没用的句子不要写，找个native帮忙改一下。

作者: 水煮鱼渺然 时间: 31-8-2014 20:34
本帖最后由 1271553800 于 31-8-2014 19:37 编辑

楼主的模版像是翻译软件弄出来的汉译英。
个人感觉，没必要在上面改了
建议换个模版重来吧

作者: 艾瑞克 时间: 31-8-2014 23:00
工作经验太啰嗦，你觉得人家会看你的简历还是cover letter？中介或是hr都是用关键字来搜索合适候选人的，简历里面有的重复的内容cover letter上不必赘述。对于程序员这样的技术性职位，cover letter用处不大，出于礼貌你得有，这样不会显得太冒失。

作者: jimmyking 时间: 31-8-2014 23:41
其实，我觉得我们是不是有时候不够自信？自己能看懂的就觉得不地道了。。：）

其实这个template来自官方网站：http://www.youthcentral.vic.gov. ... +-+work+experience/

我感觉这个写得还是不错的，不知道大家为什么都看不上。。

不过我还是准备多看看吧~~

Joanne Tint
Email: joannetint@xmail.com
Mobile: XXX XXXX XXXX

Mr Allan Moyle
John Smith and Associates
Phone: XX XXXX XXXX
Email: enquiries@johnsmithandassociates.com.au

RE: Application for Trainee Administration Assistant position

Dear Mr. Moyle,

As a young and motivated individual I am extremely interested in submitting an application for the advertised Trainee Administrative Assistant position with John Smith and Associates.

In November 2013 I completed my VCE studies and also obtained a Certificate II in Business Administration. This has given me a range of practical capabilities that will meet the needs of this role.

While completing my VCE studies I worked part-time as a Customer Service Assistant for KSmart. My responsibilities in this role included providing face-to-face customer service and assisting on the floor with stock movements and visual merchandising. This position has given me key employability skills while also allowing me to experience working in a professional and fast-paced work environment.

With regard to my ability to meet the specific requirements of this job:

Customer Service: Worked for four years in a face-to-face customer service environment providing customer service at registers, lay-by counter and on the retail floor.
Reception Duties: Responsibilities at KSmart included answering incoming phone calls and assisting customers with phone-based enquiries.
General Administration: Certificate II in Business Administration has provided training in the use of skills including filing, data processing, records management and writing communication.
My teachers and employers have commended me for my high level of interpersonal skills and naturally engaging personality. My motivations include learning new things and the challenge of meeting key objectives. My current and previous managers can be contacted to provide more information about my ability to meet the needs of this job.

I understand that you will receive a large number of applications for this role. I do, however, believe that my motivation, commitment and pre-existing skills will allow me to fit into your work environment and immediately start supporting the needs of your organisation.

I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss my application at an interview. I have enclosed a copy of my resume for your consideration. I can be contacted at all times on the details provided above.

Thanking you in advance for your time,

Joanne Tint

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