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标题: [雅思写作] 回忆10.12号写作TASKII 求评分 [打印本页]

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 27-10-2013 03:01
标题: [雅思写作] 回忆10.12号写作TASKII 求评分
本帖最后由 dawn_ch 于 27-10-2013 10:45 编辑

题目和答案都是我回忆出来的,应该大体相近,不会有太大的偏差. 我是第一次考鸭, 得到的分数和我想像的有很大的出入,拜托各位给点评一下,看看这篇文章值几分

Some people think reading is the best way for adults to acquire knowledge after graduation from school. Some people think there are better approaches. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The debate on what is the best way for adults to acquire new knowledge after graduation from school has never stopped. Some people would suggest reading is unquestionably the best approach, as it only needs a book and a quiet and peaceful reading environment. Some other people may hold different ideas and say there are some other better ways such as watching TV or listening to radio. Both of these views have their own merits, but to myself, I am inclined to take side to the latter one.
It is quite obvious that reading is the most economic and effective way for us to gain knowledge. As mentioned above, just bringing a book and sitting in a caffe or library, we can enjoy our reading time with much pleasure. And don't forget reading the most familiar way to us as well, as it's the main way we used to learn new things and took examinations when we were students in school. After so many years of reading, we just get used to it and it is more than natural for us to keep reading to acquire new knowledge after graduation.
However, whether reading is the best way of learning new things is a different story. Some people would regard reading as boring and tedious, and time-consuming as well. We need to spend a wealth of time to finish a book, which we simply can't afford after graduation. As most of us, or all of us will have to find a job after graduation. We need to face up our job responsibilities which in most of time involve a tight time schedule. After some people get married and have their own families, they need to face household chores as well. So in this case, watching TV or listening to radio may be more advisable. As they both require less time and can be more interactive and interesting. Travelling could be another good idea, as we can admire the spectaculars natural scenery and in the meanwhile, talk with people from all walk of life to learn new things.
In conclusion, reading is a good way for us to gain knowledge after graduation. But for some people who are too busy to afford reading, watching TV or listening to radio programs may be a better approach. We should decide our own ways to learn new things based on our own situation.

我觉得这篇文章丝毫的新意也写不出来., 但总体应该是通顺的吧?

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 27-10-2013 03:07
刚刚统计了一下,字数竟然有396个!!! 怪不和当时答题纸写不下... 我都写到最后一行下面的空白处里去了

估计给教官的印像是就又臭又长吧....无语啊...

作者: hello2hanson 时间: 27-10-2013 03:30
开头段也太长太啰嗦了吧~
感觉条理也不清楚，正文第一段应该是重点论述reading是怎么个好法，另一段就是提出另外获取知识的其他好方法，比如说看电视，听广播，重点是好在什么地方，可是你关于这方面论述太少了吧。最后结论，reading并不一定能说是最好的，还有其他很有效的办法，这取决于个人习惯等。
我也是菜鸟，也在学习写作中。
个人意见，5分吧~
不要打我啊楼主

作者: hello2hanson 时间: 27-10-2013 03:32
另外我很好奇，在这么短的时间内，你怎么能写出这么多来啊，我快要一鸭了，很担心来不及~

作者: lhcamm 时间: 27-10-2013 05:53
估计在6-6.5。有几个错误估计是你打的时候打错了，I am inclined to.... 还有cafe，boring 和tedious是一个同义词不可以用and，挑一个用。总之这篇文章有些跑题，分析和论证不够。
在task response 5.5-6, gramma 6-6.5 (例如最后一句话的最后一个词应用复数)，连接6-6.5，vocab 6-6.5，

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 27-10-2013 10:46

lhcamm 发表于 27-10-2013 05:53

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估计在6-6.5。有几个错误估计是你打的时候打错了，I am inclined to.... 还有cafe，boring 和tedious是一 ...

多谢！！typo已改正。。

作者: uu 时间: 27-10-2013 11:29
我瞎说说

你说你认为后一种好，但是你没有坚持写出后一种的好处。到第三段就改到其他方面去了，和你前面的论点不一致。虽然没有太多的语法错误，但是中心思想和结构不是很好。
但是这么短的时候可以写出这么多东西，还是

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 27-10-2013 21:37
一般自己写出来的东西都会觉得顺眼,,所以自己给自己打的分都偏高..

很希望大家给这篇文章打个分,并指出问题出在什么地方
我自己是这样认为的,但肯定不够客观:

TA: 不知道...
CC: 7分
LR: 6分(无任何大词)
GRAMER:6分(无复杂句)

所以总分应当介于6和7之间吧?

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 27-10-2013 21:39
这篇文章只得了5.5,, 我实在是想不通. 我正考虑要不要复议呢

作者: lhcamm 时间: 27-10-2013 23:03

dawn_ch 发表于 27-10-2013 21:39

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这篇文章只得了5.5,, 我实在是想不通. 我正考虑要不要复议呢

我觉得不用复议了，可以理解5.5分是符合的，确实有些跑题。不知道你的task1写的怎么样

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 28-10-2013 01:21

lhcamm 发表于 27-10-2013 23:03

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我觉得不用复议了，可以理解5.5分是符合的，确实有些跑题。不知道你的task1写的怎么样

我现在就是想不通怎么就跑题了?

The theme of this essay is to discuss WHICH is the better way to acquire knowledge, reading or non-reading?
My answer in short is: Reading is good because it's effective and we are used to it;
Reading is good way doesn't mean it's the best way. It require lots of time which most ppl can't afford. For those, TV/Radio/Travelling is better

怎么推敲也没跑题啊...

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 28-10-2013 01:35
本帖最后由 dawn_ch 于 28-10-2013 01:36 编辑

今天看了一篇范文,讲小孩入学早的好处(我是裸考写作的.此前没准备过)
Firstly, a child who has school experience at a young age will learn to interact with many different people and some children learn to communicate very early because of this. They are generally more confident and independent than children who stay hat home with their parents and who are not used to strangers or new situations. Such children find their first day at school at the age of 6 frightening and this may have a negative effect on how they learn.

Another advantage of going to school at an early age is that children develop faster socially. They make friends and learn how to get on with other children of a similar age. This is often not possible at home because they are the only children, or because their brothers or sisters are older or younger.

这个是Cambridge的范文.老实说我真的写不出.. 因为我不知道这两个Point的本质区别是什么.我觉得这是逻辑上的重复
Point 1: children go to school at earlier age can learn communication earlier hence they can benefit from it compared with other children;
Point 2: children go to school at earlier age can be more social. They can better get along with children at their own age

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'COMMUNICATION' AND 'SOCIAL'?
you become social if you can easily do communication with others . to me, they are the same, and I can't understand why they can make 2 points of it;

我感觉自己雅思写作还是没有入门,有没有此中高手给讲解一下?

作者: 门外汉1982 时间: 28-10-2013 12:41
这篇文章应该是5-5.5，我也在准备写作，几点小建议。
1，三大从句至少要用2个；it is 这种句型至少用2个地方。状语提前至少用一次。句式要多，不要都是subject+verb+object(adj)。
2，不要和题目有重复的句子，是指结构相同，关键词一样，这种句子是会被划掉。比如，第一段 the best way for adults to acquire new knowledge after graduation from school。当然也包括后面的句子不要和前面已有的句子重复。比如，太多的watching tv,可以before screens， in front of tv.太多就显得你的词汇太少了。
3，固定搭配要熟悉。比如 debate about ，controversy over ,hold views, Both of these views(both 只能修饰2种，上下文看应该是其它多种方法），but to myself(比如 in my point of view,in my opinion, from my perspective),I am inclined (I am convinced that), take side to the latter one (没有这种说法的,可以support ......）,太多了，所以读起来就非常拗口
4，用词准确方面差的很远，多读一些网上的文章，评论性和介绍未来科技之类的比如bbc future。比如would suggest reading is unquestionably the best approach 既然是would意思就是可能性较弱，后面为什么又是unquestionably ，可以用some people believe that； the most economic and effective way，如果不是很确定，少用most这种绝对修饰，至少用one of the most ....ways，既然都是最有效的，从某种程度就是the best approach ;spend a wealth of time , 一般都是considerable；还有很多如most of us这种口语化的句子和单词，太多了。
5，观点说服力太弱了。我觉得你自己都说服不了自己。仅仅因为没有时间，就决定是不是the best approach，太牵强了。另外Discuss both views and give your own opinion，这种题目都是5段论，突出你已经discuss both views，和你的观点。不然很容易判定为 not fully cover the task。

总的来说，观点没有说服力，句式太简单，用词很差，语法广度和准确度也不好。

作者: wisezmz 时间: 28-10-2013 14:22
5.5没给错，主要是TR太弱，反反复复在说车轱辘话，没有进行深入讨论。建议看顾家北的《手把手》，看看正确的论证应该如何做，然后用刘洪波的《最简化》，建立自己的写作模式。

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 28-10-2013 21:43

门外汉1982 发表于 28-10-2013 12:41

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这篇文章应该是5-5.5，我也在准备写作，几点小建议。
1，三大从句至少要用2个；it is 这种句型至少用2个地 ...

多谢指教!!
这样看起来,自己的写作真的不怎么样!

作者: dawn_ch 时间: 28-10-2013 21:43

wisezmz 发表于 28-10-2013 14:22

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5.5没给错，主要是TR太弱，反反复复在说车轱辘话，没有进行深入讨论。建议看顾家北的《手把手》，看看正确的 ...

顾家北的书已经买了,多谢你的建议!

作者: furnival 时间: 29-10-2013 18:05

wisezmz 发表于 28-10-2013 14:22

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5.5没给错，主要是TR太弱，反反复复在说车轱辘话，没有进行深入讨论。建议看顾家北的《手把手》，看看正确的 ...

格斗士12号哪个没过7？

作者: wisezmz 时间: 29-10-2013 19:19

furnival 发表于 29-10-2013 18:05

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格斗士12号哪个没过7？

都没过。现在报了1207的A类，重新找外教闭关修炼一个月，不成功便成仁！

作者: classtom 时间: 29-10-2013 21:34
看完lz的作文和大家的点评，我觉得我的写作能力大约在2.5——3之间。
唉。。。

作者: 门外汉1982 时间: 30-10-2013 12:00
写作上5是很容易的
5-》6也不难，6-》7就很难了，也需要运气

作者: Yinwei 时间: 30-10-2013 14:52
我觉得6吧，我的作文就是一坨屎！

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